P.S. Once the kids are in bed, I will write more.
Think of Truman today
by laverite 17 Replies latest jw friends
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laverite
Hello everyone,
My children are in bed now. I'm still processing the day. But I'm finally emotionally ready to write a bit on the day. It was a hard day. My heart aches for Truman and her family.
Although we arrived at the hall plenty early, there were already a lot of cars there. Parking attendants were well-organized and everything went very well from the moment we got there until we left. The double hall where the memorial was held was at capacity, but they had plenty of parking for everyone. There were many community members there, including law enforcement, paramedics, etc. I saw a number of non JW people I know from the community. The non JWs that I recognized dressed much more casually than the JWs. I'm sure they didn't know what to expect exactly.
Because of how we were dressed, we blended in with the JWs. We blended in probably a bit too much. We were asked numerous times what hall we attend. I was called "brother" again and again with each interaction. With a sustained interaction (more than just an "excuse me, brother" as someone passed), I would simply state that we weren't witnesses but that we were friends of the family. I had a few items for the children (extra diaper, baby wipes, etc.) and chose a computer carrying case to put it all in that might pass for a book bag. I wanted to be as incognito as possible but this seemed to work too well.
I did run into a couple of JWs I knew back in the day and they came up to me and talked. I simply said we were friends of the family as they seemed to be wondering if we were JWs. They obviously didn't know that I disassociated myself a couple of decades back. No one seems to know or remember this. Did they not get my letter? I still wonder.
I believe that the service started a few minutes late as they were figuring out the technology involved in simultaneously broadcasting the service in more than one hall. I'm not too sure about this as my children were taking up my attention, and seated directly in front of me were a couple of friends from the community with whom I was chit chatting a off and on.
The memorial talk was very well done overall. The speaker really did a nice job, and there was much more focus on Glendon than I was expecting. I think this is because of the high profile nature of the event and the number of community members present. They still had their JW content, but the speaker kept bringing it back to Glendon. It was very nicely done. The speaker did a nice job. That said, there were a couple of times when I would have reworded a couple of things if I had the power to do that on behalf of Truman. But honestly, the speaker was a very good speaker and a good choice.
The speaker, of course, gave the closing prayer. He became very emotional during the prayer. It was a very human moment.
This whole event was extremely well done. I felt it honored Glendon's memory. They managed to transcend, to some extent, the JW social scripts that are deeply ingrained. It was much more mixed company than usual for them. They seemed able to deal with it well, even surprisingly well. After all, JWs aren't generally used to such a law enforcement presence at their events, including individuals with the word "Chaplain" on their clothing.
Truman got through the day. Her husband, son, daughter-in-law and family are just wonderful, lovely people. They all got through it. Somehow.
So again, the memorial was a very mixed group of people. It was all very well done. People were much more focused on Glendon and his memory than I ever expected. It was very moving and human. It was a nice tribute to someone who everyone describes again and and again as just a "good man through and through."
We went to the reception afterward to support Truman, and it, too, was a bit of a mixed group but less mixed than the memorial service. I was a bit worried given my status as a former JW that someone, somewhere might know this and make a deal of us being there. That didn't happen. Also, it probably wouldn't have been good PR for the witnesses (e.g. shunning in a mixed group of people in a high profile community event such as this). Had that happened, I would've just quietly slipped out. Truman wanted us with her at the family table, so that is where we sat. I was worried about intruding but I wanted to offer support. I tried to listen carefully to whatever Truman expressed as her wishes and just follow that.
Glendon's tragic death has been truly gut wrenching. I grieve for Truman and her family. I also grieve for Glendon, even though I hadn't ever met him. He had such a big impact on so many and was clearly such an exceptional person that I feel very sad that I did not know him personally. A very good person died several days ago. That is a loss for everyone. The world needs more people like Glendon in it to make it a better place to be for every one of us.
Love,
laverite
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sizemik
Thanks for the update . . .
RIP Glendon . . . best wishes to truman and family.
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talesin
Thanks, L. We could all wish for a friend like you in our times of grief.
RIP Glendon ... and my love and consolations to Truman and family.
tal
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Purza
Thank you Laverite. I appreciated reading about the service and the emotion expressed.
Purza
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smiddy
Thank you very much for that update Laverite
They say time heals everything, however I cant imagine the loss Truman and her family are going through
my thoughts are with them
smiddy
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truman
(I am posting this in my original thread and in Laverite’s new one about the memorial, so it will be seen in either.)
The memorial for Glendon at the KH was today. It was very difficult, but we got through it with the help of friends who supported us. Laverite is one of those, and has already posted an account of the proceedings that pretty much covers most of what there is to say. He was such a good presence there, as was another former JW who has been a close friend for a number of years. Their being there was an anchor for us in a world where we were in a strangely liminal position—partly affiliates and partly outsiders, yet not able to be either completely. The JWs did the very best they could in Glendon’s memory as their last act for him. It was flawed by doctrinal overload, but much less so than I had worried it would be.
The previous day my sister, my husband, and my younger son and his wife attended the funeral of Deputy Robert Paris, at which we were treated with the utmost respect and privilege. We had transportation provided to the church and a private room to wait in until the time came for the service; we had full-time escorts—a chaplain and an officer for security; we were seated in a “dignitaries section” near the front of the auditorium; and we were offered condolences for our loss of Glendon by the Attorney General and Governor of the state. We were included in the processional to the cemetery as well. Most importantly, the Paris family members and others who spoke at Robert Paris’s funeral mentioned Glendon several times. After the service, I spoke to the deputy’s mother (although he was in his 50s, both his parents are still living, so they too must suffer the terrible pain that I and my husband feel), and she said they would be attending the memorial for Glendon. Also law enforcement officials were to be there as well. I was very concerned that these people get appropriate treatment at the KH, and I think that they got the best the JWs had to offer. I spoke to the speaker before the talk began, and he wanted to ask us if we desired to be included in thanking the community, to which I, of course, said, “absolutely.” I also asked that he mention Robert Paris in his talk, which he said he had intended and did do.
I have been to numerous JW memorials, mostly for elderly members who died of old age, and I know that these events can be somewhat sterile, but the memorial for Glendon was able to avoid that. The speaker did give the infomercial, after a few minutes spent discussing Glendon’s life, but he did it delicately and tastefully by including Glendon at strategic points. As Laverite mentioned, there were a couple of moments that were a bit troubling, but all in all, it was a good experience.
Before the actual memorial began, we were greeted and consoled by dozens of JWs, many of whom we had known well in our time as active JWs in the area, and many that had been friends only of Glendon and his wife. They were obviously genuinely concerned for us and mourning themselves on a very human level. I had a couple try to slip in a tiny resurrection sermonette, but most just hugged and consoled us. In the hours since, I have begun to believe that for many this event has been of such shocking magnitude and happening to someone that was widely loved, that their usual JW platitudes were inadequate, even to them. In some way, their love for Glendon, and the terrible thing that happened managed to push this memorial above and beyond the typical programmed responses. I was comforted by their caring and love for Glendon, and I know that they know they have lost someone irreplaceable, as have I. I shed many tears there, as I met people I had not seen for a decade or so, but our mutual histories were instantly kindled, perhaps connected to the JW experiences, but running alongside it as well in genuine fellow feeling.
Among the many attendees from the community were the EMTs who responded that horrible day, including the man who attempted to resuscitate Glendon at the scene. I cried on that good man’s shoulder and begged him to tell me that Glendon did not lay on the ground conscious and suffering for any length of time. This has been a most disturbing and unshakable vision that has plagued me in the days since. He said not, that my boy was already dead at the scene before they arrived, although they tried, even so, to help him.
All the formalities are now complete. The funerals and memorials are over. We must try to pick ourselves up and face the days ahead. I don’t know how, but we are trying.
Anne
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tornapart
Thinking of you