by Bubblegum Apotheosis 44 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
My elder ex-husband never ever told me what was going on in any of the meetings with the other elders. And I never heard one other elder's wife say anything. Some may have known but they never said a word.
Ditto.
In his own inimitably harsh way my elder father had already trained me not to be curious about his desk, book bag, phone calls, etc. If we happened to answer the phone we were not allowed to ask who it was, or if the person told us, we couldn't announce it to the family in general.
Any power structure in a congregation structure negates the very clear basic teachings reported of Jesus.
having a second (but not secondary) rulership clamouring for supremacy would make the whole thing a carricature of Christianity.
Rev. 2:18 alludes to this and pins the responsability on the Elders, and the failure of the chain of command from brooklyn down. ( although the Apocalipse of the Lords day does not allow for the GB et al)
Like a kid straying between a mother bear and her cub (elder dub) mortal damage has been done to many victimes and the org.
The hiddenness of God notwithstanding, there will be consequences.
It is inevitable that some elders will discuss things with their wives. I knew some elders wives who seemed to know everything. My husband used to keep this stuff to himself and would leave the room to talk on the phone or go over to another elder's house to discuss matters. I often would see that something was making him miserable but he could not discuss things with me. I have to say I had better things to do than worry about the dirty secrets of others so never pressed him. I assumed that was what most elders wives did.
Not all elder's wives are in the know. My elder husband of 20 years NEVER, EVER breathed a word of ANYTHING to me. He truly was as silent as the grave.
It was the same for me Magwitch. In many ways I was glad as the last thing I wanted was to no all the dirt, but it hurt because it was like he had this whole other life that was more important than anything especially me and I knew nothing of life which he spent a huge amount of time with. Our marriage was second, I was second. If he was needed he went no matter what our plans were or if I needed him, the congregation came first always.
It was like living with a man who had another wife and I was the second wife lesser on his priorities. And it really hurt when others in the hall assumed I knew everything and would try to get the dirt out of me or they would make snorky remarks about elder's wives gossiping.
LITS
L.I.T.S. I can relate 100% to everything you just said. The only purpose I served as a wife was to improve his image as an elder. So, so happy that part of my life is long gone.
The men are worst then us woman when it comes to the gossip. Woman in the truth are like children, they emulate those they fear or look up to. My BFF, her father is the congregation service overseer and he was telling her all about how they had to remove a sister off of the table duty because she was eating at it. I'm sure she got a talking to about the proper time and place to eat yet the obese elder's wife is never spoken to about gluttony. The difference between this and high school is some of us are more eloquent with our words. Other of us have just learned not to be fearful and say what is on minds.
Love this thread because in the main its so true. In my old congregation these women ruled the roost and knew EVERYTHING, one sister spoke to me about her husband downloading pornography on his works computer (what an idiot,like his boss wouldnt see it!!) I suggested she may wish to deal with it in the first instance with her husband,so after she tells me all the lurid details, once again I ask her why she wants to tell the elders,well to punish him of course she says,so I tell her "my dear,if you wish to...fine, but be prepared for this private information to be the topic at the breakfast table over the marmalade with the elders and their sweet wives by the morning. Sure enough within weeks it was the latest juicy tit bit for the field service group. Lovely ladies eh? So glad I had a dull life!
The way to stop those elderettes is by confronting them and apply the 3 step process outlined in Matt 18:15-17. The OD book p. 147-150 approves of this when you're a victim of slander or negative gossip. Remain calm and talk about the matter. If they deny saying anything (most likely) tell them you will bring a witness and meet another time. This will scare the crap out of them and their elder hubby. Remain calm, do not say or do anything that will cloud the issue andgive them ammo to use against you. Slanderers in the Congs know that almost no one will confront them and thus enjoy abusing others.
I knew an imperious woman in one of my old (Christendom) congregations. Charilko's comment, "who knows she she can get no further in the hierarchy because, oh, bummer!, she was born the wrong gender. So, she bullies and rules those around her with a rod of iron and steely eye,.." really hit home. I got the sense this woman was a frustrated elder. None of the power but all of the cojones!
Good leaders who do have the power, speak softly and listen hard.
I wonder what a better woman she could have become if she had not cut short her vision of herself.
