As witnesses did we ever have a normal family life?

by nugget 14 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  nugget

  Something I read about people born into cults and high control groups stuck with me. This was that we have never known normal family relationships our family life has always been abnormal. Witnesses will argue that they spend time with their children and that they are constantly following Bible based counsel on how to be good husbands, wives, parents and children. However underlying the advice to be a good family member is the message that the first loyalty is to the group. Loyalty to spouse and children is discouraged, there is no compromise since affection is conditional to group membership. In fact in talks the word loyalty is seldom used except in the context of sexual faithfulness.

  So what did we miss, what was different? I appreciate that not every family outside a cult is perfect but what do normal good family relationships look like?

  In a normal family there is a feeling of security it is a place where you can put forward ideas and question concepts without fear of rejection. Not everyone in the family is expected to agree with everyone else's point of view but will love each other anyway.

  In a family you protect one another, if someone threatens the happiness of a family member then you support your family member offering comfort and try to help them through the problem.

  In a normal family most parents would want their children to be happy and would support them to fufil their dreams and understand them if their life choices were different.

  Normal families take pride in their children's achievements and do not try to discourage them or tell them they are being boastful or proud because they excelled at something and wanted to tell people about it.

  Normal familes critically weigh up decisions they have to make and make choices based ontheir own critical thinking skills and values they have aquired throughout their lives. They do not consult magazines or ask other emotionally stunted men to decide for them.

  These are just a few of the things that came to mind but I am sure that there are many others.
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  cantleave

  Kids growing up in the cult are screwed

  
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  nugget

  those particular kids will be lucky to make it to their teens without therapy
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  breakfast of champions

  Normal familes critically weigh up decisions they have to make and make choices based ontheir own critical thinking skills and values they have aquired throughout their lives. They do not consult magazines or ask other emotionally stunted men to decide for them.

  I think your statement here is 100% true, but really, how many families are normal? How many families use critical thinking skills? How many people use critical thinking skills? It's sad, but not too many. That being said, no, there is no such thing as a "normal" witness upbringing. I even had the benefit of my father being "worldly", but thanks to the JW mindfuck, I spent most my life doing the best I could as a JW to PROVE to my father this was THE TRUTH so he wouldn't be destroyed at ARMAGEDDON. Can't say that is normal.
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  nugget

  No child should have to live in fear of God's judgement although I spent 1975 in constant fear that my father, grandparents and friends would all be wiped out .
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  Lozhasleft

  Interesting thread Nugget. The abandonment of family loyalty was a battle for me, it went against the grain, totally. I remember thinking I really had to 'work on' myself to stay in Jah's favour. In the end it proved to be the downfall of our whole family, I succeeded but the result was a miserable failure in real terms. Our family is broken, smashed, devastated. The WTBS is ok. Good for them.

  Loz x
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  nugget

  Loz you raise an interesting point. As witnesses we are taught that each one will render an account for himself to God. This means a lot of our focus is on how we are doing spiritually other people's spirituality only comes into focus if it seems weak and therefore an issue. The society makes us selfish and hard people if we follow it's edicts and the human cost is huge.
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  Nambo

  Admittedly my first congregation was the most Loving and Spiritual of all the congregations Ive seen, but as a worldly person coming into the troof, I was quite jealous of the lives of the young.

  Now obviously I didnt see or ever experience what it must have been like for young ones going to school with "evil worldy" kids, goodness, it was bad enough for kids who where in the world themselves, but in this particular congregation I saw the young ones living a social wirl.

  In the world you have a best mate or two, generally there will just be the two of us, once we left school I few of us would go around together on our motorbikes, going to see rock bands and getting drunk, in the Witnesses though, it was like non-stop parties or convoys of cars going out into the countryside for a picnic, great gangs of kids all getting on, nothing like this happens in the world, apart from the Scouts, (I was in the Woodcraft Folk), but there wasnt that bonding between us that the Witnesses kids seem to have, that sense of belonging.

  Once, us adults took the real younguns to the Fairfield Halls to see "Sooty in Space", thing is there wasnt really enough kids to go around, us grown ups had to share a kid, there was more of us than them.

  And then what was really funny, we bumped into a neighbouring congreagation doing exactly the same thing!

  Oh those where the days.

  AS for Christmas, apart from in the Childrens home where it was great, when I was with my "parents", I would be turfed out of the house to go and see my friends, when I complained that they wouldnt want to come out to play on Christmas day, I was told to "go out and make some new friends", so I would be wandering the streets alone, freezing cold, until I could return home. I hated Christmas.
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  charlie brown jr.

  I was never raised a JW....

  Yet I raised my children as True and Godfearing JW's..............

  Did a GREAT JOB!!!

  They Disowned me.....................

  Yes a Tear for the great Christian job I did for teaching Youngsters to Hate EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  Yep I was that Good LOL!!!!

  oppps !!!!!!!!!

  Jehovah would be proud of me.............maybe he save a spot for me.... in that ....new .....system......right................

  around....

  the corner!
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  Disillusioned Lost-Lamb

  NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

  Isolation is a great control tool and by tearing apart your real family and replace it with their robotic witless version they succeed in doing so.

  How? They drive wedges in, turn it into a sick twisted abstract circus and expect YOU to believe, and act, like it's normal; because if you don’t it’s YOUR fault and there’s something wrong with YOU.

  Too something that always struck me as odd was, they believe that in the last days "worldly" people will have no natural affection, yet when you are "in" you're expected to cut yourself off from your non-witless family; so where does that leave natural affection? On the flip side when someone leaves you are to shun and basically pretend they are dead; so, again, where does that leave natural affection?

  Seems to me they, not you or your family, are the one's lacking.