"We miss you."

dontplaceliterature

It's beginning to annoy me when people send me text messages and e-mails of this sort. It's even more annoying when it comes from people who I primarily associated with while I was still active, but who I haven't heard a word from since I quit going to meetings a couple months ago.

Most of these people live less than five minutes from me and would be welcome at my house anytime.

Individually and with my family I have spent countless evenings mid-week and on the weekend, formal and informal with these people. I would accept an invitation to coffee, dinner, a bar, anything...and yet, none have come. These people have absolutely no idea why I'm not at the hall, but I am already being shunned by them, aside from a few lazy, distant text messages which directly or indirectly are targeted at encouraging me to go to the Kingdom Hall and have nothing to do with showing me real compassion, love, and friendship.

This was all expected, but it's still painful.

leavingwt

It is truly conditional.

breakfast of champions

So, I was wondering about this myself this afternoon.

It isn't concern, or even nosiness on their part.

I think your "inactivity" is a threat to their faith. . .

That's as far as I got.

And yes, I imagine it is painful.

dontplaceliterature

I think you're right, breakfast. They are confused and are looking to resolve their mental conflict by getting a negative or a positive response to that sort of weak admonishment.

Also, I remember when I was deep in feeling disdain for people who were irregular attenders. It wasn't that I disrespected them because of their weak faith, it was that I disrespected them because they weren't doing as much as I was. They weren't "earning it." I understood why someone would have weak faith. After all, I didn't buy a lot of things even when I was a shining star in the congregation.

So, I imagine this is the way some feel about me. It doesn't have anything to do with my beliefs. They don't even know that I don't believe. They think I'm lazy, and so they avoid me because they have negative or hateful feelings toward me even though they have no idea why I'm not there. It doesn't matter to them why I'm not there, it only matters that I'm not and they hate me for it.

NVR2L8

DPL, none of these people are your friends. If they were they would have inquired after a few missed meetings...I play hockey with "wordly" people and when I miss a game I get a bunch of e-mails asking me if every thing is OK the very next day. When JWs say they miss you, all they want to achieve is to make you feel guilty for missing the meetings. Then it is left to those who have the spiritual qualification to take care of your case, assuming that something must be terribly wrong with you and they don't want to get involved. It took nearly a year for elders to attempt a visit and except for one brother I used to be close to, I received no calls or e-mails. I am closing in on my second year of inactivity and I have been avoiding all contact with the JWs because I don't want to give them any reason to think that I may come back. At time it has been difficult since my wife is still active and we used to be very social. I also was well liked because I did a lot for the "brothers" both spiritually and financially. But I guess you are easily forgotten when you no longer go tho the KHall. This is not a surprise because my own familly hardly kept in touch after we moved 300 miles away. They are much too busy with their spiritual familly (congregation elder) and recruiting (pionnering). So my advice is just ignore the "We miss you" because that is just an automatic reflex...an attempt to have you come back within the fold...

cult classic

Want to hear something really funny?

A couple of my extended family members will spend time w me and then shortly after their visit, they will text, leave a v/mail or send a card:

"I miss you"

Of course they mean they miss me being a JW, but I'm like, "Come on get it together guys!" lol

sizemik

The concept of conditional friendship is easy to understand . . .

Dealing with the reality of it is quite a different matter. Take heart from the fact that it's not personal . . . almost everybody here has been on the end of it.

Next comes the gossip about all the wickedness you're involved in to justify why they shun you. It's the result of their deeply flawed character produced by thought control, in which guilt trips and hate play a big part.

It's their bad . . . let them own it.

And hang in there.

blindnomore

It's a typical behavior of Cult ! Whether you accepted it or not.

It's still hurt because that was all you had.

They were never your friends in the first place but your fellow cult members

It's time to get to know friends who care about you for being who you are not what you are.

Phizzy

What I would love to say back is something like "We miss all you guys too, but in all conscience we cannot associate with a false religion, but we would love to still be friends".

Of course, as I don't want to be DA'd I can say no such thing, but one day I will, I wonder what they would say back ?

snakeface

dontplaceliterature, don't take it personally. It's just a formality with them. Like when someone asks, "How are you?" we respond, "Fine, thank you. And you?" It's been at least 4 years since I've showed up at the hall, and no one has ever stopped by or called. I simply just did not show up one day and never went back. It has been as if they hadn't noticed. But recently, for the Memorial, I received a handwritten letter from an elder, with a Memorial invitation and a magazine enclosed. Interestly the letter was saying how much everyone misses me. The letter concluded with, "We love you." How hypocritical! I like what blindnomore said: "They were never your friends in the first place but your fellow cult members It's time to get to know friends who care about you for being who you are not what you are."

"We miss you."

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