Quit being apostates and give me some real advice

AwSnap

Ok, my subject is totally joking, but I really do need some advice. I purchased a $7 dollar keychain digital picture viewer from ebay. It arrived in the mail, I uploaded a bunch of pictures....and then realized its a piece of crap.

I am thinking of trying to give it to my 3 year old niece....who would probably think it's very cool. It's got about 50 pictures of my baby, her cousin whom she's never met (but she knows ME). My sister & her MS husband quit talking to me a little over 2 years ago...when my niece was 1. Probably about 3 times, I have sent my niece an "i'm thinking of you" card.

I have no idea if it was actually given to her.

Is it appropriate to do this? If I decide that I don't want my daughter around someone, I would be royally pissed off if they tried to contact her. However, I keep imagining my niece growing up and wondering why I never tried to get to know her.

I rarely attempt to contact her....and I've always done it through her parents. Should I just throw in the towel and never try to contact her? .....Or is it okay to occasionally attempt to send gifts or 'i love you' notes......?

fugue

I say send it. If your niece develops a relationship with you when she's older, you will be able to honestly say: "I tried to stay in touch with you." Don't give up. That's my opinion.

GLTirebiter

Hmmm...instead of going behind their back, how can you get your sister and MS-in-law to agree? Could another relative or mutual friend be enlisted as a go-between? They're more likely to agree if it comes from the grandparents. Perhaps add other pictures to include the "whole family" so it isn't just you in the pictures?

AwSnap

GL, that is a wonderful idea! Fugue, I really do not want to give up. I ran into my niece a couple months ago at Walmart. My sister acted completely awkward and barely spoke to me. However, when my niece 1st saw me, her eyes lit up and she ran up and gave me a hug. I immediately said "I love you so much".

I want to do all I can do so that she knows I did not abandon her. Her parents are shunning me because I simply do not want to be a jw

ps GL...my jw family is all about 'staying neutral'. They will not get involved.

Listener

There is no point in sending gifts unless the parents aprove.

The keychain is probably not suitable for a three year old due to its size and small parts.

Shawn10538

I doubt that your neice will ever be a significant part of your life. She is a child and she will forget you if you are not around. The last time I saw my nephew, who I babt sat his first two years of his life every day, was at a memorial. I walked up to him and he looked at me like I was a complete stranger. I said, "Matthew, where's my hug?" he reluctantly hugged me like I had a disease. That just killed me. I felt like walkiing away right there, but I went in the KH anyway and stayed in the back and didn't talk to anybody. I just wanted to vomit over the whole thing. I had to cut my nephew out of my heart that day. I knew he would never be a part of my life and there would never be any relationship to speak of. If he/she is not your kid, then you don't have a right to contact them as much as it hurts.

cult classic

AwSnap,

I would never give up on my family. I would periodically send one card to my sister and niece. Just something that might touch her heart about your life together as siblings and let her know you want your niece to know you love her.

Don't let the religion change who you are. Put the ball back in her court. You'll also touch that authentic personality that's buried deep down underneath all those WT mags.

Good Luck. That is so hard.

Broken Promises

DON'T GIVE UP!!!

Although my r'ship with my JW sister has been strained at times, I have always let my niece know that I love her and as she's grown up, have always tried to stay in touch with her somehow. It can hurt sometimes, but if you make the effort, which may involve a bit of compromising around her parents, it can pay off.

Today we went shopping for her 16th birthday present. My niece hates the JWs as she can see that it's a cult, and she has even stood up to her mother on one occasion when she tried to stop us having contact. She has plans for the future and I am so proud of her.

So I can say from experience, if you make the effort, it can pay off!

thecrushed

never ever give up. my apostate mother and that whoe side of the family has been trying to get through to me sense i was a child. when i finally awakened all the things they have said to me over the years rushed back to my memory in flashbacks. repressed thoughts and memory are not erased memories. now that i know the truth about the cult i have plans to reconnect with my astranged familiy.

AwSnap

Thanks. Shawn10538, you kinda made me want to cry. Not hating....you're telling the truth. The truth hurts a LOT, doesn't it.

However, I think everyone else is right too. 1st off, its not just about the keychain. I'm talking cards/gifts in general (I'll make sure it's age appropriate). I do not feel it'd be right to contact my niece without my sister knowing. I know I probably will not see my niece for a very very long time, unless we run into each other at the store. And if one day, she looks at me and has no clue who I am, my heart will be broken.

I just don't want her to wonder why I never attempted to know her. She *will* be a teenager one day, and she *will* know that her mother has a sister that they don't talk to. I don't want to force myself in their lives....but I don't want to voluntarily disappear either.

Quit being apostates and give me some real advice

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