Dear Windrider,
I still remember your kind remarks to a post I made a while ago. I was struck by your ability to express empathy for me while not going into "advice mode" or "correction mode" or "whatever" mode. It was simply just what I needed at the time. I have so little time to spend on-line, (& most of it is here, uh, lol?) and I have found myself paying particular attention to what you have to say.
I know that to infer that someone's situation is comprehensible or something we can even dare to compare with our own is usually not helpful, so forgive if the following is off-base, but I'd like to tell you that I have been in situations so many times in my 44 years of life where I simply feel like it's just too much effort to keep on subjecting myself to another day. During these times, I can't for the life of me remember having experienced ANY joy or peace or hope, or take pleasure in small things like really awesome ice cream or a beautiful color in the sky. Taking a shower - it can literally be painful.
Most of these times have been endured while feeling so so so alone.
Finally, the episode passes, and I am glad I am still "intact." I met the man of my dreams (I call him the man of my screams at certain moments a little over a year ago. The joy I've had with him is worth all of the crappy shit that I went through for decades... I found myself telling him this one night and we both cried.
I hope you find yourself feeling better very very soon. Life can be indescriminate in its "dumping" timing sometimes. It sucks, and we are here if you want to describe in excruciating detail how sucky it is.
Lots of love, and admiration for your mate,
lauralisa