How Did/Has the WTBTS Affected Your Social Skills?

by ABibleStudent 46 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Jim_TX

  My mom started studying with JWs when I was about 5, so while I am not a 'born in', I was indoctrinated early on.

  Socially, yeah. I was stunted as a kiddo - even into my mid-20's to early 30's.

  But, a lot of the social inactivity may be due to my mom, not the JWs. I was never allowed to associate with other kiddos my age. (Actually 'never' may be too strong - let's say 'almost never'.) No friends allowed over to visit. No going and spending time with friends at their house. No sleepovers. Etc.

  As a teenager, of course, I was not allowed to have interactions with other teens. In grade school, I learned how to become 'invisible', so others never saw much of me. (I went to the same school as my ex-wife, who commented one time that she never saw me in High School. I just grinned.)

  No dating, or even talking to girls. I know of several girls that were in the same classes I was, that probably were wanting me to... befriend? them, or ask them out. (When I was older and able to ask a girl out... rejection was a strong fear, that kept me from asking out a few gals.)

  Like others mentioned, I too, was never commended for accomplishments. I was required to bring home good grades (A's or B's), or else I had better have a good explanation why I wasn't.

  If I did something unusually great, I got no 'attaboys'. No recognition. No 'Senior Honors Night', where I was to receive an award. No graduation exercise.

  I think all of this 'negativity' had an affect on me (how could it not?). I kept to myself a lot, not interacting with others. If I devised some sort of unusual contraption, I felt it was no big deal.

  When I was single and living on my own, I took ballroom dance lessons at a studio. While I don't think I was that good, the instructor told me that I was... but I think that they are supposed to say that.

  I know that when growing up, the local KH 'in charge' people were very against things like parties. They shut down my mom, when she tried to sponsor some 'square dance' parties. Can't have the peons socializing or having fun, ya know.

  Currently, as an adult, I do not think that I am an expert at socializing, but am able to mingle okay, if I choose to. I've seen others, who were never a JW, who are more awkward than I am in social situations, so I do not feel too bad about my own inadequacies.

  Regards,

  Jim TX
• 

  Disillusioned Lost-Lamb

  @ABibleStudent:

  I am a woman in my thirties and still have a hard time doing anything social with "worldly" or non-witless people because I was told (my entire life) that they are all evil and out to get me; now I know they're not but that's some tough shight to overcome.

  The same goes for interacting socially, or romantically, with men; I've been told that boys are only interested in me for one reason, FORNICATION!; and in my conned-green-nation it was frowned upon when you tried to have a friend of the opposite sex.

  These two things have left me an incredibly awkward adult who has a hard time making, and trusting, friends and makes me doubt the intentions of every male I come in contact with.

  I know what they thought me was flat out wrong but, when you've had something shoved down your throat for so long, it doesn't stop affecting you overnight; I view myself a constant work in progress.
• 

  Found Sheep

  Well.... It's hard to know I had lots of issues growing up. JW was just one of them. When I 1st left I was socially aquward. My work friends have even told me I'm 100% a different person. I didn't know how to interact with non JW's. JW's were all I knew I pioneered, worked cleaning so didn't have a lot to do with them.

  When I became a student I was now thrown into non JW's. I was OK kept to myself for the most part.

  When I left left I had a hard time at 1st. I opened up to a few people told them parts of my life and that started to help. Now three years under my belt... I'd probably be considered one of the most social people at work My 1st few parties I felt out of place... now not so much

  One left over problem I do have is I don't know how to read people well. When you are raised to think JW's are good all others are bad you don't develope that ability, or at least I'm not so good at it. Been burned a few times.
• 

  wallsofjericho

  im a born-in and Ive never felt that I could socialize normally.

  as a JW kids in the hall HAD to be my friend, it wasn't till I was older that I realized who actually liked me and who didn't.

  Now that I am mentally out but still trapped by the cult by way of my family, it is very hard to speak with people, even those that know I am out mentally because I can never do anything with them with my family. I can't make plans or anything because my JW family is too good to lower themselves to associate with worldlies (also worldlings)

  To this day I am still gullible and not intuitive at all about what is going on around me in a social setting. I just have the "I hope they like me" drama that I should have gotten over as a teenager.

  I have freinds, but my life is fucked
• 

  Found Sheep

  wallsofjericho! Let those walls fall!!!
• 

  Dagney

  What I really notice mostly is since I was never allowed to join anything outside of JW growing up, I still have a hard time with that even today. I have no problem hooking up with the exJW community...but outside of that, I struggle.
• 

  flipper

  ABIBLESTUDENT- My comment is like Aquagirl's comment in that LEAVING the Witnesses was a huge help to me in developing my social skills . I left over 8 years ago, however while I was an active JW I never felt like I really fitted in. I wasn't a person who liked cliques , I treated everybody with fairness without favoritism - which didn't go over well with the elders because they couldn't control me . I was an independent thinker who would not conform from as early as my teenage years up into my 40's when I finally exited the JW cult.

  Due to having suffered many injustices personally from elders or powermongers in the Witnesses , I have a deepseated sense of justice that runs a mile deep and will stand up for people who are treated unfairly. I think in abstract ways and look for the unspoken words as well as spoken words when communicating with people. Having escaped that cult - I strongly desire to help people to free their minds after exiting . Essentially, I'm pretty open minded now and I love a wide variety of people. I enjoy unconditional friendships without a concept or catch put into that friendship. And that's what we had in the Witnesses. It's so fantastic to not be in the Witnesses anymore and have REAL friends ! Peace out , Mr. Flipper
• 

  simon17

  PROs: Public speaking practice, good discipline writing talks which helped make me a more serious student

  CONs: The most negative thing it did is to make me so damn private and closed. Not knowing what you are going to get busted for or talked to about, or who will rat you out, and half the time not even knowing what was "acceptable" or not, I learned to bury everything. No one got to know me. They got to know a very likeable facade so that anything that really happened would be unknown and I couldn't get in trouble. I segmented people and information. No one knew everything about me. I created misinformation just to keep everyone off balance. I wasn't even doing anythign very wrong, but I became very distrustful and secretive anyway. This has been an issue in relationships.

  Just never getting to date has also made a lot of the basics of starting relationships very awkward for me. I've become much more of an expert of deflecting the attention of girls who liked me rather than liking them back. So my instincts in the process of going from friends to flirting and from dating to a relationship are very good, but my instincts in the middle process of going from flirting to dating are generally all backwards.
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  jemba

  Zordino said it all for me. I am 100% behind those comments.

  Depression and mental illness is huge because of the guilt and fear, guilt and fear... meeting after meeting. Very negative really. I also had to change some major judgemental issues I had of others and the huge mistrust of anyone 'worldly'.

  My parents required us to always be submissive so I have huge self esteem problems from always being the underdog, turning the other cheek, letting others think theyre right, not standing up for myself. Especially when it came to elders 'counselling' me on matters of dress, conduct and friendship/relationships when I knew I wasnt doing anything wrong. Usually the elders kids were doing the same things anyway.

  But in the end all the BS pushed me away and now I know TTATT. Yay!!
• 

  jemba

  So true what Simon17 said.

  You are never really your own relaxed self as youre always waiting to be knocked back down to size. So you try and be someone youre not to fit in and not get in any trouble or make waves.