Excellent snarkiness! And as you mentioned, I think the customary footnote needs this change:
* Some names, ages, genders, and stories in this article have been changed.
There, now the 62 year-old brother can write the entire farticle with a clear conscience.
Now they need to address the important topic, "YPA--Are we just Friends? The Dangers of Same-Sex Friendships"
Followed by, "YPA--Are we just Friends? The Dangers of Pets"