Newly revised!!! Ten Real Good Reasons to go House to House:
1. To get the elders off my back.
2. To sell (um, I mean place) magazines so the printing presses don't lie idle (like more than half the congregation )
3. To warn these good-for-nothing, worldly sods that their numbers just about up (it's closer than it was in 1925 and 1975 - this time we really, really, really mean it).
4. To spend my day slowly driving through the country-side between return visits, starting at 8.30am and reaching my second return visit by 4.00pm (Hey it's a big country-side and my vehicle runs on empty).
5. To fill in the time I'd otherwise spend thinking about the unrealistically simple-minded stories in the magazines.
6. To show the lazy, fat- ar*ed members of the congregation that, despite my hectic work schedule and having 6 children (okay, it's down to 3 - the other 3 were disfellowshipped - don't go on about it), if I can pioneer, they fk*g can as well.
7. To survey all the homes in the territory that will be mine after Armageddon (the 5 car garage stays but that topiary hedge has to go).
8. To prove to the local population that I don't need a college education to make a living (I bet the suckers aren't really happy earning more than 4 times what I make)
9. To act like a real pioneer: Open up completely new territory, make enormous personal sacrifices and spear-headed civilizing initiatives? Huh? You're kidding? It just did it to count the hours.
10. To find the occasional sheep-like person who wants to "just" understand God's Word, the Holy Bible (as seen through the eyes of the awesomely flexible-minded Governing Body). Today I'm canvassing the local chapter of the Brain Injured Society. From the noises I can hear indoors, there're a lot of sheep-like ones there (Baaa-humbug).