by compound complex 13 Replies latest jw friends
Good morning, Fellow Posters:
Ironic opening question, eh?
Certainly I could answer this question myself from the publications and personal experience; however, I am interested in your perspective, background, experience (whatever you're willing to share). I just now awoke from a nightmare wherein I gave a tearful plea on behalf of "stranded" single JWs.
CoCo Awakes Shaken
The only officially sacationed association is at the meetings and field service. What you do outside of that is up to you so my advice for them is do what they want on their own time but be careful not to let it get back to those who are busybodies in other people's matters.
Loose lips sink ships.
This may seem surprising to todays witnesses and ex-witnesses - but we did not have this scrutiny and insistence on chaperones, etc. when I was a single witness from the late sixties to mid seventies.
We went on dates, had parties, went out in service sometimes without others in the car, etc. At least where I lived, in Oklahoma City.
It was simply trusted that we were not going to commit fornication.
I guess they decided to crack down more recently.
The WTS worldview is singularly myopic since it sees things in black/white terms. Furthermore, it has little or no sympathy and empathy for single people. They are told that they should "deaden" their sexual desires and pour all their energies into some kind of WTS-approved "full time service". If they do that, then there won't be any time or strength left to get involved in "worldly" organizations that are subtly controlled by Satan.
That also includes associating with other people on the Internet unless they are Witnesses in good standing. Singles should avoid any and all dating services--Internet-based or otherwise--because these are also snares that have been laid down by the Devil to get people involved in gross immorality. As for activities that don't involve romance--concerns like pursuing hobbies with others of like interests, traveling, and other "worldly" temptations--those are also disapproved because they can lead to associating with people who don't believe in Jehovah's way of doing things. Such people would encourage a single Witness to indulge in "independent thinking", the same kind of thinking that started Satan on his career in evil.
This organization is no friend of single people in general. Its focus is on traditional nuclear families who get the lion's share of attention. Others' needs are routinely ignored or marginalized which is why some two-thirds of those raised in a Witness household leave the religion upon attaining adulthood. That statistic alone is damning proof of the WTS's appeal to its own young.
So the answer to your question, CoCo, is that the WTS permits no association outside the narrow confines of the "spiritual paradise" it has set up. Those who choose otherwise are not people in good standing and face some kind of disciplinary action from the elders. The best thing any single person can do in this organization is to get out and put as much distance between it and himself as possible.
Quendi
Quendi:
Your post is 100% correct from top to bottom. The religion has little or NO sympathy/empathy for single people but especially single women. I would have to say that single women (along with children) are the most vulnerable people in the religion. Children, because they are basically helpless and at the mercy of their parents. Single women, because they are TARGETED by everybody in the god-damned religion! I ran from all the USERS who imagined a single woman should be bothered by everybody who needs a favor, a chauffeur, babysitter or free home-health aide. Thank heaven I was not a born-in and had a job and education and wasn't totally gullible.
In time I realized, with some anxiety, that the only way I could possibly make a "go" of it without being damaged by the religion or the people in it, would be to remain on the fringes of the congregation, come and go by myself and possibly even work alone in many cases. I would not be targeted nor would I be put in funny positions or be stuck with those who nobody wanted to work with.
I was criticized over my dress even though I tried to dress "modestly". I had my share of "rejection" by people who didn't want to invite single women over. I also was criticized because I work full-time and some there imagined I "owed" somebody something!! I just couldn't win with these people and when I found out the truth about it all in 2000, I breathed a sigh of relief because I was glad it was over.
I agree with your advice that the best thing any single person can do in this organization is to get out and put as much distance between it and themselves as possible.
All I used to hear every week was how we single people were a bunch of hormone drivin idiots who can't control themselves with any person of the opposite sex. I was in my 20's and sisters in their 60's would make sure there was another brother or sister around if I had to work with them. Seriously?
Dear Friends:
Back from a morning's work, I am really happy to read the long and the short of your comments. Thank you so much. !!!!!
I'm sorry, LongHairGal, for what you once experienced. Being a guy associated with meek and silently submissive JW women [well, some of them!], I was oblivious to what you and other former sisters labored under. Thanks for the wake-up call. What you and Quendi have offered is a comprehensive overview.
Hard work - work till you drop - and a 24-7 chaperone will absolutely keep those desires under control; why, they will be extinguished forever!
This sounds ridiculous now, but when asked out by a lady, I'd bring along a briefcase [NOT one filled with JW publications] to make it appear that I was with a client ...
Sheesh!
I've come a long way, Baby.
Love you guys and gals!
Whatever association happens must be done in cotton drill pants with a polo shirt tucked into them.
In all seriousness, Quendi has hit the nail on the head there. The single ones are told to deaden their body members by getting spiritually busy. Nothing kills the hormones like a chilly morning in field service. The underlying meaning of the WT texts regarding single people is that if you use your singleness to further the spread of the good news (auxiliary or regular pioneering, serving where the need is greater, construction), then you are a wonderful example to those who gave into their sexual desires and got married. If you use your singleness to enjoy the freedom of doing what you want when you want then undoubtedly you will soon be a sexually depraved drug taking denim skirt wearing martini drinker. If you are the latter, getting married will 'save' you from this fate.
As Long Haired Girl noted, single ladies are an especially low class citizen per the view of the Society. They are not good for much unless they can become a supporting wife to a husband. You know, the one that sits and smiles admiringly while he us up there giving his talks to the congregation and encouraging them. Pre-marriage, if you are a single sister who is in good spiritual standing, your value comes from being the chaperone for others - an awful position. Pre-marriage, if you are a single sister who us not in good standing, your value comes from being quiet and not being a cry baby to the elders who have more important things to do like looking after the celebrities in the congregation.
I grew up with a single mum. I always had this feeling like we were a charity case. It wasn't until many years later that Mama Winston was able to remarry. She wasn't chasing marriage, it found her when Papa Winston met her by accident. She had to move a long way away from the congregation where she came into the Truth before something happened. The congregation where she came into the Truth always viewed her as a single mum charity case, even years after we all grew up and left home.
Is the congregation loving and caring to single people? Only if they can be used for something.
Yes, Winston, if only we can be useful!
Your experiences and consequent insights are, indeed, most helpful. Thank you for taking the time to post.
CoCo, the non-chaperoned because he's a gentleman ...
