If you are dating or married to a JW: A few questions

by Lady Lee 15 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  Lady Lee

  If you are dating or married to a JW: A few questions

  I am going to be addressing the International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA) in July at the conference in Montreal. My focus is on 3 groups. The first group consists of people who never were JWs and had no association with them before discovering the person they are with was raised a JW or has been studying to become one.

  1. What have been the biggest surprises or problems you have faced regarding your relationship and the impact the JW beliefs have had on you?
  2. How have you dealt with religious issues in the home?
  3. How have you been treated because you never were a JW and refused to become one?
  4. What information would you want therapists to know about your situation?
  5. Any other thoughts?
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  kepler

  Number 5: Yes. But not on line.
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  Lady Lee

  please feel free to PM me if you choose
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  garyneal

  I had a long comment to the questions but I am not sure if it is something you are looking for.
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  ABibleStudent

  I did not have contact with JWs, except when saying no thank you to them at the door, until I met a JW, who we were mutually attracted to each other, at a nightclub. We tried to be friends but it did not workout because of her WTBTS indoctrination. After seeing the effect that the WTBTS had on my former friend, I would never consider dating a JW for the following reasons:

  • JWs love the Watchtower Organization more than people, who care about them for who they are,
  • Do not like the drama and confustion of dealing with both the cult and authentic persona when I really love the authentic persona,
  • Do not like it when the cult persona lies to me about WTBTS doctrines and practices to indoctrinate me into the WTBTS,
  • Do not like the superior and condescending attitude of the cult persona,
  • Do not like the rationalizations and platitudes of the cult persona,
  • Do not like how afraid JWs are of the WTBTS,
  • Do not like how JWs are able to use their brains at work but than turn off their brains when it comes to questioning the WTBTS,

  Basically Steve Hassan described JWs perfectly in "Combatting Cult Mind Control" even though he was talking about his experiences with Moonies and other cult members.

  I hope that the above helps.

  Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

  Robert
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  sd-7

  So what are the other two groups you're looking for, Lady Lee? Or will that be a separate thread?

  --sd-7
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  james_woods

  OK.
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  garyneal

  I will give it another go but I will try to keep it short.

  1. What have been the biggest surprises or problems you have faced regarding your relationship and the impact the JW beliefs have had on you?
     
     For me I think it was the little things that surprised me. I felt that I too was a Christian trying to do the 'right' thing and was surprised at some of the curious things I encountered with them. Things such as:
     
     My mother-in-law sending me a letter telling me how my wife 'left Jehovah' for me. I mean the way she worded it, it sounded like she had left the Lord for good and went back to the world or worse. Yet she and I was going to church and to her meetings and she was still studying and I was studying with her.
     
     She went to church with me and seemed almost afraid to be there. She looked at the stain glass windows and said that the church was being idolatrous.
  2. How have you dealt with religious issues in the home?
     
     For a while, she and I accepted each other's religion and even attended services at each other's places of worship. But she always had something to say about the church I attended. Their beliefs, practices, etc. she always found something 'wrong' with them. I guess that and how the WT had some facts right made me think that perhaps they were the only true religion.
     
     When I found out the truth about the truth, I was shocked and dismayed. When I tried to present this information to my wife, I was even further surprised at how she would refuse to even look at it. Excusing it and downplaying it. Yet, I listened when she was critical of the churches I attended. I could not understand it until I landed on this site, read Steven Hassan's book, and Randy's blogs. That's when I learned what cults were all about and how their victims are paralized with fear.
     
     It became tulmotuous after that as I became real fearful for my children. It has largely subsided now as I have learned how to handle the cult persona with more skill.
  3. How have you been treated because you never were a JW and refused to become one?
     
     Surprisingly good but I do recall some 'wierdness' from them from time to time. Before my wife was baptized, she was invited to a small get together of witnesses who was around her age. We had fun but when I later asked her if she would participate in more of those get togethers she indicated that she was not really qualified to have those associations regularly. I thought that was wierd as most churches that have get togethers don't get too choosy on who comes over, especially if the person already attends their church.
     
     I suspect that even now my family is excluded from a lot of the 'reindeer games' due to my being a non-witness. My oldest daughter was excluded from a kids slumber party and the lady who organized it made it very obvious that she did it intentionally. My wife tried to understand it but was still miffed by it.
  4. What information would you want therapists to know about your situation?
     
     My wife has a lot of irrational fears even for someone who believes in God and the Bible. Most Christians believe they are saved by grace but my wife is in a high control religion that makes her feel that she is constantly not measuring up. I was in a similar high control group many years ago and know first hand its affects on your psyche. I remember being depressed and suicidal and fearful of many many things for fear of the 'invisible demons.'
  5. Any other thoughts?
     
     I guess that is it.
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  carla

  pm'd you
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  Lady Lee

  sd-7

  So what are the other two groups you're looking for, Lady Lee? Or will that be a separate thread?

  children in divided homes and families where one spouse left the JWs and the other stayed. They are separate threads.

  Gary glad you camer back Thank you wow Gary How interesting that you were in a high control group previously and that you could apply it to the JWs once you did a bit of research Good for you

  Robert it sounds like you got out before you wound up trapped in a marriage with a JW. Good for you.