If you were raised in a home with a JW parent and a non-JW parent: a few questions

by Lady Lee 43 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  dinah

  1. Who was responsible for your religious upbringing? The JW or the non-JW? My JW Mom. Dad didn't have any idea the extend of the brainwashing. I don't think he even realizes it now.
  2. Did they argue about it? No
  3. Were you forced to go? Yes, or more guilted into going by my Mom. You gotta prove you "love Jehovah" so you don't die at Armageddon.
  4. Did the non-JW parent have any real say in how the family celebrated holidays? Yes, None of my aunts, uncles, cousins were witnesses, only my Great-Grandmother. I always got to have Christman. When I was six I "stood up" against having a Xmas tree. Broke my Dad's heart. He loves the tree.
  5. Was your non-JW parent ever a JW? No my father isn't very religious at all.
  6. Over all what impact did this split household have on your childhood and even later in life? Like someone stated before, the worst part was thinking that my Dad would die at Armageddon. We were very close and he is an excellent father. It never made sense to me that God would kill my Dad while letting the assholes at the Kingdom Hall live to beat their children.
  7. What would you want therapists to know about your situation? Mainly just that our view of life was so skewed. Armageddon was always around the corner. We would never finish school, get a job, have children. My daughter just graduated high school and I'm not dead yet!
  8. Any other thoughts? I'll probably think of some later.

  Keep us posted on this Lady Lee.
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  Balaamsass

  1. Was your non-J.W. parent ever a J.W.? NO- Agnostic
  2. Who was responsible for your religious upbringing? The J.W. or the non-J.W.? JW
  3. Did they argue about it? NO
  4. Were you forced to go? YES
  5. Did the non-JW parent have any real say in how the family celebrated holidays?NO
  6. Over all what impact did this split household have on your childhood and even later in life? Undermined my relationship with my father. Elders became my defacto Father. Caused me to look down on my father as “Worldly sinner”. And ignore his plans for college.
  7. What would you want therapists to know about your situation? Causes divided families.
  8. Any other thoughts? Caused great stress in parents’ marriage and lead to their divorce when I was 11.
• 

  Bobbi

  *bump*

  Growing up in a divided household hold I always felt so isolated. I have been crying my eyes out reading these responses because I can relate so much and now I feel like I wasn't the only one.

  A special hug goes out to anyone who survived a divided family.

  Bobbi
• 

  dgp

  Bookmarked.

  My sympathies to those who had to suffer this way.
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  dinah

  It was hard, wasn't it, Bobbi?

  You were viewed with suspicion in the congregation because you were apparently "half wordly" to top everything.
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  nugget

  In a devided home armageddon is always present and is used as a threat and leverage. You carry the responsibility of being good enough to win over the unbelieving parent and the worry that you won't be good enough.

  I think the problem is also that the unbelieving mate has to make all the compromises since JWs do not budge an inch so their influence is constantly undermined. As children we constantly saw my mother always getting her own way so in the end what was the point of resisting.

  There is also an element of deceit in a devided home the children may have restrictions placed on the level of their involvement but witnesses will try to bypass these restrictions and get the child to collude with them. They may go on the service during holidays even if the father objects because the father isn't at home to see them do it. They may receive instruction against the father's wishes and be told to keep it quiet.

  Your life is filled with hopes and fears and Bible examples such as Timothy are used to drive a wedge between the natural unbelieving parent and others in the congregation who share your JW parent's beliefs. You never have a united family.
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  troubled mind

  Nugget and Dinah , you summerized the divided household experience perfectly !
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  Vidqun

  1. Who was responsible for your religious upbringing?The JW or the non-JW? JW
  2. Was your non-JW parent ever a JW? NO
  3. Did they argue about it? YES
  4. Were you forced to go? NO
  5. Did the non-JW parent have any real say in how the family celebrated holidays? YES
  6. Over all what impact did this split household have on your childhood and even later in life? NEGATIVE IMPACT. A LOT OF CONFLICT. NOT CONDUCIVE CONDITIONS FOR BRINGING UP CHILDREN.
  7. What would you want therapists to know about your situation? CONFLICT > ESCAPE > STUNTED EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT > DISASTROUS HUMAN INTERACTION > FAILED RELATIONSHIPS IN LATER LIFE
  8. Any other thoughts? RESULT: 2 FAILED MARRIAGES
• 

  mamalove

  My mother was a JW. Dad left when I was 5. They divorced at that point and lived in seperate homes. (Not sure if this exactly meets your criteria).

  Major religious fights. My mother was incredibly forceful and won the religious war at that time and raised us as JW.

  We did celebrate holiday's and basically had two lives. One with mom, very strict, somewhat indimidating. One with dad, much happier, free to be ourselves, no judgement kind of thing.

  Yes it definitely had a major effect. I am no longer speaking to my JW mother, her choice not mine. My father and I have a great relationship. My children see the hypocrisy too.

  I have been to a few therapy sessions, and they have been very helpful. I still struggle occasionally to put things in perspective that is not tainted with JW thoughts. It took a couple of years to really work it out in my head.

  I pity my mother and am very angry with her too. She has basically made my thoughts of JW's even worse than they probably are. I think because I know for a fact she is extremely intelligent. I find it hard to believe she never found doubts and researched it. My guess is she probably did, and just summed it up in her head that this is the truth and men have interpreted things wrong, but she is going to serve Jehovah and be a good person. She kind of picks and chooses what she wants to believe. Like the headship thing, yeah not so much. But she sure believes in shunning.

  I could go on and on about this. For someone going through a purge or cleanse from childhood scars, I think the most important thing is to somehow let go of the anger. Accept things that you cannot change and make yourself a happy life as best you can.
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  sd-7

  1. Was your non-JW parent ever a JW? No.
  2. Who was responsible for your religious upbringing? The JW or the non-JW? The JW parent was responsible.
  3. Did they argue about it? Not much. My father wanted to keep peace in the home, so he didn't interfere for the most part.
  4. Were you forced to go? "Evidently not". I could choose not to go. I would also be choosing to get a beating, so...I "chose" to go.
  5. Did the non-JW parent have any real say in how the family celebrated holidays? My father took me to celebrate my fourth birthday, but I think that was my last holiday. The main thing was that he had no desire to celebrate himself as his family situation as a child was pretty screwed up. So it worked out.
  6. Over all what impact did this split household have on your childhood and even later in life? Well, I figured that my dad was 'worldly' and would probably die at Armageddon. I tried not to think about it too much. A traumatic event in our family (my own attempted suicide out of guilt and depression) caused him to start attending our meetings. I gave a talk at a circuit assembly, and the district overseer gave me a 'W' (Work On It). I took it hard, and my dad got p.o.'d and said he'd never attend another meeting again, because it was nonsense that we were being graded like it was a beauty contest.
  7. What would you want therapists to know about your situation? Never thought it was relevant. With the JW parent controlling everything, it was like having one parent rather than two--I felt trained to disregard my father's ideas as less than relevant.
  8. Any other thoughts? Yeah. It sucked. Even with all that, my dad was and is a stand-up guy. I'd be lucky to be half the man he is. Because even with no understanding of all that I had to learn to get out of the JWs, he knew a load o' crap when he saw it. I'm glad he never joined up. In its own way, it helped balance me out, without me even realizing it.

  --sd-7