Signs of shunning

NY23brown

Guess my first post won't show up due to IE, so trying again...

Wondering what signs to look for if I suspect in-laws are planning to shun my husband. He has not been to KH since his teen (20+) years and I am not a JW. There has been a lot of stress in our marriage over past arguments over the in-laws and now they are back in town for a few weeks to work on a family member's home. In addition to this, there is an elder who is helping them...the SAME elder who has come to our home attempting to lure my husband back into attending KH. There have been at least 3 such visits over the past year and I ended up sending a certified letter to the local KH informing them to stop the harassment. Husband is stuck in the middle and tries to avoid confrontation or even broaching the subject. Just says he has "handled it" which I doubt. I think he is torn and trying to appease his mother though this meddling is not beneficial to him, myself or our kids. Husband claims this elder is a "family friend" and I'm being absurd to worry. I do not trust his intentions at all. He is a friend of his mother's, not ours. In-laws don't like me at all (saw a post about myself on FB) and husband blames me for torn relations that put him in the middle. I really don't think he wants to rejoin them (he makes fun of the "cult"), but he can't seem to bluntly tell them to stop the shenanigans. What could they be holding over his head?? I can only assume that they are possibly threatening to shun him because I tried to set some boundaries on the meddling when they come to visit. I don't want poor relations with them or to put him in the middle, but their actions have been toxic and a marriage counselor said to set boundaries whether they like it or not.

wannabefree

My opinion ... he needs to maintain a distance from the local congregation. He has been gone for 20+ years, JW's typically leave such ones alone because the community does not see the person as a JW. It should only become a problem if he starts associating with ones from the congregation and is once again viewed as a JW ... however, you didn't say if he was ever baptized. If he is not baptized there is no control they have over the shunning issue.

JW's are on a roll about the end being "very soon". Most likely they are hoping to rekindle the seeds that lie dormant in your husband. Hopefully he does not harbor lingering thoughts that it might be "the Truth".

Family of JW's who have strayed from the flock forever hold out the hope that they will one day return. If your husband is against it and will never return to the JW's, perhaps the best thing to do is ignore it as something from irritating inlaws that comes up from time to time.

NY23brown

He was baptized as one before I met him. He left shortly after meeting me on his own doing as I was pretty naieve (still kind of am) as to how JWs operate.

wasblind

Ain't no such thing as a real " friend " in witness world, it's all about recruiting

and in order to reel your husband back in, they need to find a weak spot

and that will be the marital problems that they cause between you and your husband

That's how they operate

" But why do witnesses call repeatedly even at homes of people who do not share their faith?

People themselves change; serious problems in life may stimulate an awareness of spritual need."________Reasoning from the scriptures book page 206

that's right, if there's no problem in your marriage, they won't be able to "stimulate " his spiritual need

Yan Bibiyan

To further what wannabefree says, if he is baptized and you are not, his "headship" may create additional tension in the process if he is ever lured back. I am not saying this to discourage you; just be aware of it and be prepared to address it if need be...

Wish you the best of luck in resolving this.

EDIT: I see you responded that he is baptized. BTW, there is no such thing as "was" baptized. Unless disfellowshipped (by the JWs), or dissassociated (on his own), he "is" still baptized, albeit an inactive one...

wannabefree

If his parents are desperate to get him back into the "Truth", they may try shunning him hoping it will force him to come back because he misses them, perhaps thinking that it is partially their fault he is still away because they didn't shun him.

While elders certainly can disfellowship him if they know he is engaged in activities that are against JW doctrine, they rarely do if he has been gone as long as you say. Make sure you talk with him about this, many JW youths who leave still hold on to the "I know its the Truth" inside and may return if they have never dealt with educating themselves and convincing themselves that it can not possibly be the "Truth".

Ding

I don't have any great insights to add here.

Just want to say welcome!

NY23brown

That's what I'm worried about. Since he won't attend KH on his own free will and the elders have gotten nowhere with their visits and didn't like that I told them to not return, they are trying to create a new situation (remodeling a family member's home) and putting him in the vicinity of this "family friend" without me being around. Seems so innocent, right? And if I complain, I'm a lunatic for thinking such horrible things about the in-laws.

By the way, when is the "end" coming?

JakeM2012

I have a very disfunctional family and am being shunned/isolated. Was your husband informed of the work on the family members home? If your husband was able to assist in the process this could be an excellent way to diffuse or interrupt opportunities for conversation that the elder could have with the rest of the family. If your husband was not informed of the work on the families home then the shunning may have already begun. But believe me, when it comes to working on a needy family members home you won't loose any points by working on it or supporting it in some way.. (I am assuming it is the work done is on a member of his family, like a mother or father). I have witness family in-law members and the many of the witness C.O. substitute elders and regular elders will not participate in the maintenance of the mother's home. It has caused problems and resentments even ruining some "friendships". I would think that whatever poison this elder could deliver to your in-laws could be diminished by your families support, even if it is bringing food over for their sustanance. The chain of love can be temporarily interrupted between the borg and redirected to the family loyalties in some of these situations.

wannabefree

when is the "end" coming?

soon, very soon, just around the corner, at the threshold, any day, while there are yet members of the overlapping generation alive on earth

Signs of shunning

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