by LostGeneration 14 Replies latest jw friends
Yes I have failed to post a single comment on a Sparlock thread to this point, thus incurring the wrath of the demonic, magical wizard. My symptoms include:
102.7 Fever
Arms and shoulders ache
Explosive diarrhea
Rash
Pus-filled lesions all over
More hangnails than usual
What shall I do to please Sparlock and have this evil spell removed?
Well I hope you mend your ways.
Lets pray together LostGeneration....that'll sort it
Starting this much needed thread should help you regain his favor.
We already knew that Sparloch could make Jehovah sad, but now we have anecdotal evidence that he can cause fever, diarrhea, rashes and various other ailments.
I can't help but think that this will be referred to as "The Great Sparlock Incident of 2012" on the board years from now...
LostGeneration, explosive diarrhea is a blessing upon you. You fail to recognize the many blessings Sparlock has imparted.
These symptoms should only appear on a meeting night. He afflicts voodoo-like illnesses for an excuse to skip meetings.
Though in an obviously weakened state, I have taken the advice mentioned and petitioned Sparlock in prayer for forgiveness. I have taken two Advil and will report back in the morning if my condition allows.
Please continue to keep me in your prayers to Sparlock..
LG
May Sparlock Strengthen You!
or
May Sparlock Succor You!
LOSTGENERATION - I am so sorry this evil has befallen you! But I must confess, that I MYSELF have caused this great trouble upon you. . .
You see, I had to fill out health insurance renewal paperwork for my family, and TOOK A CENSUS OF MY FAMILY MEMBERS and reported them (2). . .
Sparlock became incensed, his anger flared, and he offered me three choices:
1) turn my wife into a pillar of coarse-grained Dijon mustard
2) really bad commute for seven weeks
3) smite a member of JWN with fever, rash, lesions, explosive diarrhea and super-deadly hangnails forever. . .
So far the traffic seems fine and my wife made hot dogs for dinner.
