How do stop myself getting too Bitter? (page 3)

stuckinarut2

Well said magnum, jwfacts and marina!

thankyou.

I like your thoughts magnum. I agree, perhaps bitterness and hate do indeed need to be viewed differently.

thanks all!

Alive!

I agree that justifiable anger is a very natural and healthy response to false religion and spiritual abuse.

I'm not bitter...but am feeling tired and I definitely have hit a deeper level of grieving. It's been a wild journey "out" over 3 years or longer...

Stuckinarut - you take care. Wise words in this thread from many - it helps so so much.

Feel that bitterness, let it come out. Vent, rant, rave, spit blood at them. Well that is what I did and then I was over it. Totally 100% over being in that faith and what it took from me. I can discuss that part of my life as being part of my history and that is it.

July 12, 2015 will mark 10 years I have been disfellowsjipped, or given my freedom. The best 10 years of my life - with all its ups and downs.

dubstepped

I've been dealing with this a lot lately in the org and my family. What I came to realize is that I needed to forgive. You forgive for yourself, not for the other person, so that you can let go. I did some research on how to forgive someone that isn't sorry. I came across a quote that went something like "forgiveness is letting go of the hope that it could have been any different". That helped me to see just that. It couldn't have been different. Everyone thought they were doing what was best, however misguided, and mental illness was involved to some extent. It may not have been best for me, but back then I didn't know any better either. It was what it was, and nobody comes out without scars no matter if we're talking JWs, religion in general, childhood, family stuff, or even if you were all alone on an island in a protective bubble. There's nothing wrong with feeling the bitterness and anger (which usually just masks deep pain), but at a point it is healthy to forgive for your own sake.

DesirousOfChange

StuckInARut: I have become quite bitter toward the Org, toward the false friends and the GB.

DITTO!

I have become angry as I see the extent of damage I feel being raised in "the truth" has done...

DITTO! -- VERY ANGRY!

I feel hurt towards the lost opportunities in life etc...

DITTO, AGAIN! as I stand at retirement very much unprepared, and as I look back at what potential I may have had was squandered and pissed away on selling magazines and false hope.

HOW do I not allow myself to get too swallowed up by such bitterness?

The only reply I can offer is: Living a happy and successful life is the greatest revenge!

But when most of your life is behind you and now lost, it makes it harder to turn it all around at this point (speaking from my personal circumstances). My youth and vigor was wasted on chasing after fairy tales.

Doc (apologizing for sounding so negative)

OnTheWayOut

I had to go to counseling to realize why I embraced the teachings of Jehovah's Witnesses and why I probably would have been dead had I not done so. I had to read quite a bit of Zen and Tao philosophy to let it go. Still, I sound bitter in many discussions about Watchtower.

I guess I am not the person to give you advice. I try to focus my bitterness toward the organization and accept that even a-hole circuit overseers are just victims like me, and I try to recognize the good in any members I know or knew. When my best friend abandoned me, I try to remember what a great guy he is and how he is just trying to be faithful to God in his ignorance. (Does that sound bitter? Sorry.)

Heaven

LOL @ B the X!

As to your question stuck, involve yourself in positive experiences as jwfacts and others have stated. It's the only cure for negativity. I think if you can't get past the bitterness, counseling might be in order.

Oubliette

Stuck, there is a grieving process that you need to go through.

It takes time. You can't rush it or force it.

Are you familiar with the Kubler-Ross model of the 5 Stages of Grief?

1. Denial and Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Here are a couple of articles you might find helpful:

I've heard several people say that it takes about 1 month of time away for every year you were in a dysfunctional relationship to heal. I think it is probably longer.

lriddle80

I am definitely fighting bitter feelings and resentment and judging them as arrogant, etc. What helps me is that the more I read God's word, the more I pray and seek Jesus, the more I care for others in the community, the less these issues affect me. Because, we can't change them...only God will put an end to that false system of beliefs. Take our focus off of them and seek the face of God!

KateWild

I volunteer and taken up a new hobby of playing netball. None of it works....I still feel isolated and alone and miss my son terribly everyday. But I carry on for his sake and my daughter.

I am not bitter just very sad and isolated even though I have new pursuits in my life.

It's okay to feel like this stuck, not everyone has a successful exit.

Kate xx

How do stop myself getting too Bitter?