i'm bumping this because:
a) it's a fnny thread
and
b) diest, i've been a much much MUCH bigger idiot. it's toooo shameful if there were hands to cover the smiley's face in embarrassment, that's about 1/10th how embarrassed i'd be lol
Dating Coach for Ex-Dubs? Do we need one? There is one for ex-Orthodox Jewish women.
by Diest 15 Replies latest jw friends
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finally awake
I've been married so long that if anything ever happened to Just Ron, I'd have no idea how to go about dating again. The rules are surely different now than they were way back in 1991, especially for a 40 year old versus a 20 year old. I wasn't a dub back then, and I don't have trouble talking to people now, but I still wouldn't know how to navigate the dating scene.
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rather be in hades
lol so if he were ever to mysteriously turn up missing, you can prove you had no motive? ;)
jk
it can be really tough coming out and not knowing what to do. there weren't any girls my age in the hall i was raised in and my social circle within was pretty mch nonexistant. coming out of THAT into the year 2000s was like coming out of a quaker village. ugh
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Joey Jo-Jo
Nice_Dream I was also a quiet JW who avoided talking too.
This weekend I went to a bar with some friends and totally froze when a guy started talking to me. It was like I went back to the JW mentality of avoiding talking with worldly men in case they're trying to get in my pants or something. Totally clueless and socially awkward.
How does one improve their social skills? I feel like I missed out on 15 years of crucial social development!
I guess I am not the only one with the problem, one girl even thought I was mute.
I suggest you buy a book about cognitive behaviroural therapy that explains anxiety and how to deal with it, one way of dealing with a situation like that is to put yourself in a situation like that more often, its a lot like learning to drive a car the more you drive the more natural it becomes.
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Band on the Run
OMG, it is so needed. I speak from personal experience. My dream was always to attend college or nursing school ( well, after being a cowgirl). When my father died, we could breathe. This entire nuturing world opened for me. All my dreams fulfilled. I practically had a breakdown starting college. College people were always the other. I had no contact with college people with the sole exception of teachers and family doctors.
My whole body shook with fear when I attended orientation parties and mixers. I was very popular in high school but this was very different. There was a party in a dorm room. Several of the students loved classical music. I only knew a few names, not the music. My fear was so great that I could not make any small talk. I pretended I was too stoned to talk. When I reached my room, I cried so hard for myself and my younger brother who would experience culture shock the next year.
Dating was actively discouraged. I will never forget hearing that you cannot love a person until you are married to them for years. There was great disappointment in KHs everytime someone married. Another special pioneers drained of vital field service fluids b/c of lust. My parents were ostracized when they married My mom bought her own ring b/c my father refused.
The contrast between my dreams and reality was so great. Years later I passed through a congitive behavioral program in the city. Every Friday night they taught you how to make small talk. Not just be confident but down to scripts and body language. Dating was heavily covered. I learned by gross mistakes that hurt me deeply. Maybe b/c of my Witness upbringing, I thought it was magic. You were just born knowing what to do. So many times I wanted to leave but I had nowhere to go. I could have spent 1,000 years in psychoanalysis and never learned concrete skills for every day life.
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simon17
Yeah I think this is a good idea, but the problem is everyone got stifled in such vastly different ways.
Here's my example. I was sociable and likeable to worldly and witness people both. The problem was, as a believer, dating was completely discouraged unless you were ready to marry which I obviously was not in HS/college. So I would get close to girls, but then keep them at a distance as they started to like me. I'd get them to be friends, but I guess I enjoyed the sexual tension of being with someone I liked even thought I did nothing about it, and in fact actively discouraged it from progressing. So my wiring of what to do to go from liking someone to dating them is totally backwards.
Also, I'm great talking to people but not at all if they are just complete strangers. I can't just approach someone random and start talking. If they are introduced to me I can usually hit it off with people I like. But now getting older, that doesn't happen so much! I think mainly I hate the idea of rejection. Dating was such a HUGE thing that to expose your feelings or intentions as a Witness was a MASSIVE things and if you got shot down it was a HUGE BLOW. Meeting random people shouldn't really be that way at all, but I feel like it is...
EDIT: to be fair, as an INTJ, they say they are hyper-sensitive to rejection so I probably shouldnt blame the latter on JW-life entirely (or even mainly)