Satan gets a bad rep. Who would you rather party with? Lamewad Jesus who always uses every opportunity to teach you a lesson (this would drive me nuts) or the guy who will bring the booze and the skanks?
Also, Sparlock is allergic to peanuts.
20 Things You Never Knew About Sparlock the Wizard
by jookbeard 21 Replies latest jw friends
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Billy the Ex-Bethelite
I think Sparlock might be gay.
I think Sparlock is anything you want him to be. That's the beauty of imagination. If he's a gay warrior wizard, he'd just be that much more hated by Watchtower.
If he's gay, he should has dozens of colorful costumes.
This gives me the idea that maybe Sparlock is like in the movie Zorro, the Gay Blade. There's one Zorro that goes for the ladies, and another Zorro (twin brother) that is into very colorful costumes:
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sd-7
1. Sparlock is the last survivor of a 10,000-year-old Order of Warrior Wizards.
2. Sparlock helped the Warriors Three seal the evil Natassia with a magic spell 5,000 years ago.
3. Sparlock's archenemy, Natassia the Dark Witch, has broken free and assumed human form.
4. Sparlock's sword, the Star Blade, was forged of alchemy and steel; a magic star spell has made it unbreakable.
5. Sparlock's shield is known as Natassia's Mirror--it can reveal the true nature of hidden Dark Witches. Why Natassia kept it remains unknown; it is believed that in times far beyond recorded history, there were many Dark Witches, and that Natassia herself destroyed them and absorbed their dark magic.
6. The Hat of Sparlock protects him from magic spells cast against the mind. He cannot be confused, put to sleep, or paralyzed by magic spells so long as he wears it.
7. The purple gauntlets he wears protect him from most melee weapons. Only the Unholy Blade can penetrate it, and the Warriors Three sealed it quite separately shortly after Natassia's defeat. Only they knew where to find it.
8. Sparlock was born approximately 8,000 years ago, to Spylock and Kylock, who belonged to the Order of the Green--a magician's order that focused on protecting nature.
...Hmm. I guess I better stop there.
--sd-7
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strymeckirules
sparlock is the reason why you touch yourself.
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strymeckirules
kcolraps is his name backwards and if you say it three time into a mirror, Biggie Smalls appears.
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strymeckirules
sparlock is also the reason seal team six had success with bin laden.
he did all the dirty work and let seal team six take the credit.
try to prove this is not true.
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rebel8
Sparlock donates the proceeds of toy sales to the Church of Satan. The patterns on Sparlock's hat are really Satanic symbols like those hidden on the Proctor and Gamble products in the 1970s.
Sparlock likes to run around in the grocery store after it's closed at night and inject blood into the lunchmeat and Milky Way candy bars.
Sparlock once gave a performance on stage. He started by saying what great people jws are and asked them to all stand up. Then he played the National Anthem.
A jw boy once brought Sparlock with him to a circuit assembly. He couldn't stand The Truth so he got up and walked out.
One time jws tried to burn Sparlock in a barbecue grill. He screamed.
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FadeToGrey
Chuck Norris is afraid of Sparlock!
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00DAD
Sparlock loves spinach. Look at those forearms, just like Popeye's!
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OnTheWayOut
20. Police detain and interview him just because they want to say they met him.
19. His beard alone is more magical than the average entire wizard.
18. While performing magic, you can see his wand from 100 miles around, even from space.
17. His reputation is expanding faster than the universe.
16. His cereal never gets soggy. It sits there, staying crispy, just for him.
15. He is the most interesting man in the world.
14. He speaks 23 languages and can speak as many as 4 of them simultaneously.
13. Lime trees bear fruit upon his command.
12. As a warrior, when he defeats someone, they still thank him for the privilege and honor of the battle.
11. If he tells you that something costs an arm and a leg, he is not speaking figuratively.
10. He has never lost a game of chance, NEVER.
09. Animals of the forest have a whole week dedicated to him.
08. He is the life of parties that he did not even attend.
07. He will help anyone on the planet if they ask nicely.
06. Just by speaking French to a woman, he causes her to have multiple orgasms.
05. Aliens have asked HIM to probe THEM!
04. Viagra was created for use by all other men as a means to give them even a competitive chance against him.
03. During final curtain calls, performers have been known to give him a standing ovation.
02. He once caught the Loch Ness Monster with a bamboo pole and a bent nail on a string- then threw it back.
01. Only he knows why the marachi band never stops smiling.
