Have you lost your sense of "happy ever after"?

by londonlady 22 Replies latest jw friends

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  exwhyzee

  On some level I think all JW's and former JW's realize that the JW version of happily ever after will not happen....well at least in their lifetime. I think thats why there's so much depression and anxiety among those who are or were JW's. The dream is only as good as your last meeting. As soon as you miss one or two, the plausability of it fades. The big hook for me as a kid was not getting destroyed at Armegeddon coupled with the idea of having my own pet Lion and Dolphin but I never thought much beyond that. The idea of living forever was one they implanted in my mind, I dont think I'd have expected such a thing on my own. I never felt I could, would or wanted to be as good and religious as they said God expected me to be. It felt hopeless in a way. I didn't want to die a Armegeddon so since I was already here, I may as well try to avoid going that scary route by doing what they said would keep me alive, but it never seemed to be enough. Now the idea of living forever with the Watchtower gang running things seems almost nightmarish in a way. Just because I was randomly born all those years ago meant I was here permenently for all eternity without any choice.

  Now that I'm out of the Org, I have resigned myself to the fact that I will grow old and die one day. Sometimes at the end of a long day as I lay my head on my pillow I think I wouldn't mind it so much if I could sleep forever. Don't get me wrong, I think being alive is the best way to be and I always feel like somehow I'll figure out a way to get through whatever lies ahead just like I always have before. That's my happily ever after and it seems do able and real. Once you aren't afraid of dying, you gain a certain peace that makes being alive so much better. Day to day overall I feel more worthy to be included in any good future that is planned for the human race, should such plans exist. I don't see any reason why I should be excluded...like Hitler or Ted Bundy might be. I't has also been a relief to realize that there is no such thing as "wasted time". Time passes whether you use it productively or not. Happily ever after is a day to day goal rather than an eternity goal. And that is within my grasp...my power.
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  LongHairGal

  exwhyzee:

  Your post is amazing and I totally agree. Although, I never had any desire for a pet lion. You are right about making peace with the idea of death and getting a certain peace of mind. It does make being alive much better. You appreciate every day. This is something you never did as a JW, because you were wishing away the present and waiting for that fantasy never-never land. Meanwhile, time was passing by (the biggest tragedy of all) and it slipped through your hands like sand in an hourglass! The only tragedy equivalent to this waste of life would be serving time in jail looking through bars.

  You are also correct that time passes whether you use it productively or not (of course, it makes sense to use it in a satisfying way). I also no longer feel that sense of 'lack of accomplishment' when compared to certain "worldly" people who accomplished so much more than I did. I also don't count other people's money or do an inventory of other people's possessions. Everybody's journey is different and I am not in competition with anybody else. And I don't care what anybody thinks!

  Like you, I also feel that if any good future is planned for the human race, I don't see why I should be excluded. (Tell that to the JWs. They'd say "No way. You didn't place enough magazines or work enough hours preaching, etc.!")

  I also came to the conclusion that the JWs "paradise" is just another form of "hereafter". The difference is the JWs "hereafter" is supposed to be on earth, whereas the other religions think it is in heaven.

  So, the JWs made themselves out to be something "new" and different. But, they were simply the same old story dressed up in a new outfit!
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  Quendi

  I loved the postings of exwhyzee and LongHairGal because they sum up my feelings perfectly. Let me add that while I have rejected the WTS, there are still some teachings I agree with and one of them is the promise of everlasting life on Earth for most of the human race. I don't believe in the exclusionary, hate-filled, chauvinistic thinking the WTS promotes. I believe that God most certainly loves his human creation, is aware of the misery and frustration suffered by billions throughout history, and has both a purpose and a plan to carry out that purpose for the reunification and reconciliation of the human family. I might live to see that, but I don't think that is likely. Should I die before the words of Romans 8:19-22 are fulfilled, I will go to my rest confident that Jehovah will eventually elevate mankind to perfection and that I will be ressurected to witness and take part in it.

  Freeing myself from the chains of the WTS has meant a reordering of my life's priorities. Like so many who post on this board, I labored for most of my life in the glaring sun and burning heat of the WTS vineyard. I know that I have more years behind me than I have ahead of me. But after getting over the anger and the bitterness--both of which are only a natural part of any grieving process--I am eager to continue my life's journey. There is still much to see, do, have, and enjoy and I want to get as much as I can. High on my list is finding a life partner to blend, share, and intertwine my life with. While I was an active Witness, I never allowed myself to even dream of this. Now that I'm out, I am moving ahead "with all deliberate speed" even as I see the shadows lengthening.

  The movie Into the Wild made this wonderful point at its end: "The greatest happiness is the one that is shared." I wholeheartedly believe this and in the brief time that has elapsed since my escape, I have seen its truth at work in my own life. I am glad to be free at last and I am reaching out to others in ways I never did as a Witness. I have rejoined my fleshly family; am getting to know new people; am immersing myself in discovering and exercising the God-given talents and abilities I have. There is no better way to live my life and when the time comes--which will be all too soon considering all the items on my "bucket list"--as Thoreau wrote in Walden I will not discover that I had not lived.

  Quendi