Should I attend a JW funeral?

by Flat_Accent 14 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Flat_Accent

  Would you?

  I mean, I had respect for the guy, and it's obviously right to be there for the family and show support. However, I can imagine what it will be like going back. I was friendly with a lot of the older, tougher sisters, so I'm sure they'll get on my case. That and there are plenty of pushy elders in the congregation. I wouldn't be surprised if they tried to arrange a visit with me.

  Real conflicting emotions here. This would be the second funeral since I left. The first one I didn't attend for the reasons above, but I feel like I should go this time, just on principle.

  What do you guys think?
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  Qcmbr

  Go and show respect and support for family IMO. What we do defines us. Don't let yourself be defined by JWs potential actions.
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  Pams girl

  Why not, if you want to pay your respects to him this way, do it. Totally agree with Qcmbrs post, you are accountable to yourself, and as you say, you feel you should go.

  If anyone gets pushy, keep calm and politely suggest it is not the time nor place for such conversations. If a visit is pressed on you, simply smile and say "No thank you".

  All the best.
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  cantleave

  Tough Call, and a very personal one.

  I would find it very difficult, even looking at a KH gives me the shivers, to step inside one and hear an advertorial disguised as a funeral would make me very angry!!
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  nugget

  This is something only you can decide. If you are not DA'd or Df'd then attending any JW event puts you back on the radar. However if this person was important to you then attending shows respect for him. However this is not a funeral for the person they are merely the excuse for the meeting. The family may be in for a shock if they were expecting a personal talk and having someone there who can express how much their loved one meant to them may mean a lot.
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  Jim_TX

  I had respect for the guy, and it's obviously right to be there for the family and show support.

  I think that you have answered your own question. Don't worry about what others say or think. You are there to show respect for the fella and respect for the family.

  But - like others have said, it's up to you.

  I have gone to a funeral of my ex-father-in-law. It was held in a KH. I went, gave my respects to the family, signed the book, and left. I did not sit through the sermon that I knew they would give. Heck. The man wasn't even a JW. Not sure how they would've spun that one.

  The point is - you can go - just speak to those that are important - ignore the rest - and leave... if that is what you want to do.
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  Starr_Kachina

  Are there going to be any calling hours at a funeral home? If this were me, and therefore I cannot speak for you or anyone else, I would steer clear of the KH at all costs. Like nugget says, it puts you back on the "radar." I am not DF'd or DA'd, but my family still treats me as such. I am 34 and my parents are both 75. I honestly don't know what I'll do when I am notified of their passing. I really don't think I would attend their services if they were held in a KH. I love them dearly, but I value my sanity even more so. It's totally up to you, but you most likely have an intuitive feeling as to what you feel is right. If you get a sick feeling right in the pit of your stomach when thinking about stepping into that KH, listen to it. If it doesn't bother you and you really want to pay your respects to the family, go ahead. However, think about a couple things. How often did this person have contact with you? When was the last time you had a caring conversation with this person? Would they have attended your services if you had passed away? Just some things to ponder, but I wouldn't dwell on it too much. :-) Keep us posted!
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  BluesBrother

  Well, it is your call of course, but if I were thinking of going , then I would not let those concerns stop me. By all means have some "put downs" in mind in case anyone puts upon you to "come back", but in my experience funerals are not used for that kind of personal approach

  I am sure that you will come on here and say how you disliked the way they handled the funeral, but you are there to show respect and to support the grieving.......
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  zagor

  I see nothing wrong in attending, and emotions are normal. At times like these one leaves behind what divides us and shows up for the sake of humanity. Funeral is no time to make a point. And if they try something just rise above it, smile and say you've come to show respect and not to discuss beliefs.
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  Flat_Accent

  Well, I wouldn't say the person who died was close to me. Thinking about it, maybe even 'respect' is for all the wrong reasons (he was a long time missionary), I admire his diligence, but perhaps I'm just making excuses for him, and this is just my left-over JW mentality trying to guilt me into going.

  I am not DF'd; I was never baptized, although my parents are both dubs and I went to meetings for 19 years. I've had some of the elders call me before and try to arrange meetups, one of which I attended.

  I'm almost done with this part of my life, and going back now would throw me right back into it. That's my worry.