Oh, the pain

Cirkeline

It hurts like hell to listen to my 17 yo girl, crying, saying she misses our real relationship. That she gets depressed every time we talk about spiritual things. And I really do the utmost to leave it out of our conversations. But sometimes she can't help but confront me. Because she misses her real mum!

She misses her mum showing enthusiasm for the meetings, WT-studies, taking her out in FS, she misses her mum talking with her about the wonderfull hope for the future, paradise-earth. She misses my loyalty towards the organisation and the GB, even if they make grave mistakes. And I cant...I try to be positive but she sees right thru me. I am twisting my mind 24/7 on how to open her heart and mind so she can see whats going on, but she is 17, everything is black and white, she is absolutly not ready. I have to hammer that fact into my scull every single day! And tonight its just to much. 2 hours on the phone listening on her preaching for me, hoping that I will turn over. Its so hard for me. Its so hard for her.

She is greeving her loss. And I am devostated by the fact that she actually I'd rather took the desicion and leave the organisation (which I of cours want to, but cannot as long as I'm under the threat of being shunned by my daughters). She'd rather I got out so she could start getting over it, mourn her loss and get used to not having her mum. Thank you GB....

I hate this organisation and I hate what it does to people.

All I can do is tell her that I love her, that our relationship IS real, and that I can only hope that she will not shut her heart down on me. I can only wait, endure, hope for her to mature, hope for her to be more tolerant, wanting to, dare to see things from another perspective.

I know many of you are enduring the same. How on earth do you deal with the pain?????

hamsterbait

Don't worry Dahlink.

When your daughter meets the male with the Dick of Death, she will walk away with him without so much as a backwards glance.

Teenagers need you to be what they expect and want you to be, until they toss you away like an empty soda can.

She'll be back when she wants something. Thats when you give her the knife she plunged into your heart, cos she'll need it to pass on to her daughter.

HB

Cirkeline

Hamsterbait, do you speak of experience? The last sentence;

"She'll be back when she wants something. Thats when you give her the knife she plunged into your heart, cos she'll need it to pass on to her daughter."

Of cours we as parents cant help but pass on some bad things to our kids (not intentionally), but this sounds outright vicious to me. Why would I want to give her the knife she plunged into my heart? She does what she has been taught is the right thing to do/think.

doofdaddy

The best way to change her heart is not try to change her mind. Be the best example of a normal active balanced adult and at least at first she will respect that your decision has made you happier and healthier. Eventually she will see there is more to life than meetings and paradise hopes of the child.

sizemik

I think what Hamsterbait is getting at is this . . .

Parents love thier children way more than children love them back. I've learned that the hard way too. So she will come across as more hard-nosed, black & white, etc., because of this, and it can be very painful. Parents never condemn thier kid's . . . and yet kid's will blame thier parents for everything wrong in thier life, point it out, and expect you to make the world perfect again immediately, according to their prescription.

She will come back when she has a need . . . that's what parents are for. The only time she will come to realise this is when she has children of her own . . . and she will then feel the point of the knife for herself. And if she thinks about it honestly, she will know that you always loved her.

Just keep loving her and doing what you are doing. Give it time, it's the only card you have to play.

I feel for you at this time. Sometimes being a parent sucks, but it's part of the job description when they start becoming adults. And you're right . . . this religion makes it so much harder.

tec

I am so sorry for your pain. You can only love her. Continue to show her love. Be patient. You know it is hard on her because this is what she has been raised to believe is right. Don't expect a war to be won overnight. Just show her love and patience. I don't think that will stop the pain, but it might make it easier to endure. You never know when she might turn around.

Peace and strength to you, and to your daughter,

tammy

Black Sheep

Tell her nothing.... Ask questions.

If she wants to save her Mum from her killer god, she has to answer your questions with honesty and integrety. No weaseling her way out of it. She has to feel guilty for every trick she tries.

Don't dance around subjects. One subject. She does not get to choose what subject. Control, control, control.

Target the claim for GB selection and anything that supports it and question, question, question, guilt, guilt, guilt.

Make her find the info she needs to support her assertions. She has to tell you she has been lied to. You can't tell her that because she is not listening.

Point out trickery, double standards, avoidance, character assassination, hypocrisy etc. using questions. Whenever she is dishonest, she has to know that you know that she knows she was being dishonest and that you are disappointed in her for trying whatever stunt it was.

Guilt for not trying to save you and guilt for trickery.

... and throw in a good helping of love.

Good luck

Chris

tec

I have thought for a long time that Blacksheep always has the best advice for when it comes to getting jw family members to search for their own answers, thereby uncovering the falseness/weaknesses in those answers.

Peace,

tammy

BizzyBee

To be a parent is to take on the mantle of everlasting guilt. Children have no such reciprocal burden. They have the luxury of flailing around, ranting at you, weeping and moaning about the suckitude of life. And you have to take it.

Children crave the security of knowing that someone is in charge - that's why we invented God. You do her no favor if you are uncertain or wishy-washy. Let her know that you are on solid ground about your convictions. That is the best gift you can give her.

And unconditional love.

GOrwell

17 years old? that's pretty tough.. you're pretty much bang on.. they see the world in black and white.. it's only when you turn 25 or 30 when that changes...

Oh, the pain

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