How many.....to change a light bulb?

Joyzabel

FreeFallin e-mailed this to me and thought you all would enjoy it.

CHANGING A LIGHT BULB THE CHRISTIAN WAY

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the
spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or
completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb, you are loved. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish: What's a light bulb?

Jehovah's Witness: Knock on your
neighbors door and tell them there's been "New Light."

Elsewhere

"As every one knows, there are mistakes in the Bible" - The Watchtower, April 15, 1928, p. 126
Believe in yourself, not mythology.
<x ><

flower

LOL 'Amish-whats a lightbulb?'

thats the best one..:D

larc

Joy,

To add to your list,

The Holy Rollers: None, they perform the miracle of healing and the dead light bulb comes back to life.

Lutherans: they go over to the Catholic Church and nail a statement on the door with 95 reasons why the Catholics should change the light bulb.

jst2laws

Jw's: None! No bulbs needed. The Governing Body provides their own new light.

Xjws: Minus one. While in the dark we thought the bulb was good. Then the light came on.

Jst2laws

Joyzabel

lol, thanks larc and jst2laws, those were great, too.

Beans

How many Apostates does it take to change a light bulb?

None,They just got a publisher to do it in exchange for 15 cents and a Watchtower!

Beans

Mindchild

A story of how to change a light bulb by a once-dim-dub:

When I was a dub I always thought it took a lot of prayer, dedication, personal study, perseverence, patience, love, kindness, faith, joy, and Holy Spirit to change a light bulb but then the new light on changing light bulbs said that you had to make sure that you were putting in at least ten hours a month in along with attending all the meetings about changing light bulbs and then you could only do it if you were an elder and even then you needed to make sure it was by means of a special meeting.

Even newer light showed that the only offical way of changing light bulbs came through the offical publications of the light bulb society, which outlined volumes and volumes of instructions of how to change the light bulb. Still, this wasn't enough, and they had to print millions of copies of books about changing light bulbs.

Regardless of all this effort, no light bulbs have yet been changed. There is hope though that as we are living in the last days that someone will at last manage to change the light bulb but nobody knows the day or hour yet there have been many prophetic disconfirmations about when that day came and went without any changes.

I guess then, the answer is that the light bulb cannot be changed...because dammit if we can't change it with over a 100 years of trying to change it...it just isn't going to happen. Anyone telling you they can change the light bulb is working for an apostate light bulb company and their light bulbs really don't give you the kind of light you need.

Continue to have faith brothers for the great change in light bulbs will come when you least expect it, like a thief in the night, and you will wake up and realize that the damned crook stole the light!

Skipper

artful

How many JWs does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Light bulb changing has Pagan origins!

Joyzabel

lol, artful.

Welcome to the board. When you get comfy and want to tell us about yourself, please do.

Thank you Skipper, I can always count on you for a nice story to be told. :-)

j2bf

How many.....to change a light bulb?

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