Update: I'M HAVING A BABY!! Yay! but...

by lil.lady.03 22 Replies latest jw experiences

  • lil.lady.03
    lil.lady.03

    I don't no why, but I tend to lurk more than I do post. Sometimes I feel like I don't have anything to worth while to talk about. LOL

    ON THAT NOTE: I am so excited! I'm having a baby. I'm 5 months pregnant and on Friday my fiance and I find out what it is. I hope it is a boy. =]

    Besides the morning sickness, it's really hitting me that I am pregnant. lol

    I will admit it has be tough. I haven't told most of my family, they're mostly JWs. My mom is still very active and she is excited, but I think she is afraid to tell anyone (her close JW friends) that I am pregnant. She has a twin brother who lives back east and they are very close. He is an elder and she hasn't even told him. It hurts just a lil bit. I want to tell him, but he doesn't talk to me because I've strayed from "the truth". He had kids late in life, they are toddler and grade-school age, and I would love for my child to know them; just from a family sense.

    Then I am asking myself just how am I going to raise our child. My fiance doesn't go to church at all, but he does do all the holiday stuff. His family isn't that big on birthday parties. My fiance said when he was little he never had a birthday party or cake. His parents just got some him cheesecake and called it a day. I still find that hard to believe.

    It's strange thinking about what am I going to pull back on or reference to my kids about my childhood.

    My mom pulled out my baby book the other day and a good amount of my baby pictures were me dressed up at assemblies and gatherings and memorial events. I admit a strong part of me was like, "Wow, my baby isn't going to have that."

    I should be happy about that RIGHT?? But I don't know. Even though I know what I know now, and I don't want my kid raised on a JW regiment, I still feel like he's going to miss out on something. I don't know why. I still have happy memeories that I admit were because of the JW "social" experience.

    Can any parents post-Borg give any advice on how you're raising your kids. How do you handle the holiday stuff and birthdays? How do you explain your childhood to them? Do you include your JW family on your family events or do you do a reverse shun? Do you talk about god or any type of spiritual stuff?

    Besides that I'm getting married to my worldly fiance, but that is for another post. Esp when a JW came out the woodwork on my FB page went fanatical on me when I posted a picture of my enagement ring. LOL!!

  • NewChapter
    NewChapter

    Congratulations! I'm pretty sure that since your happy childhood experiences were connected to the borg, you are just worried about creating warm and wonderful times for your little one---how would you do that since this was all you knew? But you will. Christmas will create those warm memories, little league, school programs, boy scouts, girl scouts, whatever. It will happen because you will love your little one.

    When I was growing up, some of my warmest memories were connected to a mother/daughter group my mom enrolled us in. It had a Native American themes, lots of social interaction, camping, parties, bake sales, sleep parties, marching in parades. They love to do things WITH their parents, when they are small. Library, park, car trips, crafts, dancing. Make your own traditions. Make icecream. Join a nature club. You will be fine! And your children will have many more opportunities for a fullfilling life than you did. They will never have to worry about you shunning them. You have SO MUCH MORE to offer.

    Congratulations again.

  • lil.lady.03
    lil.lady.03

    Thank you New Chapter! Your name says it all.

    It is a New Chapter in life... =]

  • mouthy
    mouthy

    Congrats girl!!!!! I do hope you get your wish(boy) but I pray it is a healthy one
    Twins in the family you say The genes is locked in.... maybe you will have twins...

    As for the JW family memories... Yes we had great times at assemblies
    But if your even THINKING that would be good for the child. Shame on YOU!!!!
    Let the little one use what you,& the boyfriend & GOD made for him A BRAIN!!!!!!
    to give it to mindcontrol group just for "family" sessions is unthinkable .
    Yes I know I am being critical..... But that is why I am called Mouthy.
    I regret what I did to all my kids making them JWS...I abused their minds...
    Just LOVE HIM/HER with all your heart... Also congats on getting married >WHEN????

  • still thinking
    still thinking

    congratulations lil.lady

    You are free to make you own happy memories...how exciting is that....

  • lil.lady.03
    lil.lady.03

    That's okay Mouthy. You're being honset. Thank you.

    I guess I still have my hang-ups I have to work through. I know for SURE I do not want my kids raised as JWs, but I keep having this thought that I won't be able to relate to them because Mommy wasn't raised that way. I don't want to be a broken record saying that through thier life. Especially with holidays. I'm still not fully comfortable clelebrating the holidays.

    (*Side note* This might be a TMI but I sure did clelebrate the heck out of Valentine's Day. Three bottles of wine and five months later.... LOL)

    The wedding is "scheduled" for next Spring in May. Honestly, I just want to get the baby here first before we start planning a wedding.

    I never thought my life would be like this. Hell, five years ago I thought I'd be doing some sort of pioneer stuff for the rest of my life. Marriage and a baby were rthe last thing coming into my mind.

    It's like I made a sudden right turn and got off the "predestined JW cycle" that was laid out for me.

    I love the journey and how it's turning out!!

  • Rocky_Girl
    Rocky_Girl

    I started out by mimicking others. There doesn't have to be any religion attached to holidays. It is very easy to remain secular and still join in on the fun. I have enjoyed making my own traditions with my kids. We especially go all out for birthdays! As for my childhood, I simply told them that I didn't celebrate because my parents' religion didn't allow it and then explain how different people believe different things. It didn't come up until they were 6 or so. By then, they had already realized that grandma's house was different. Kids don't judge such things. In fact, it will probably be more meaningful because it will be new to you too so you will be just as excited about all of the fun holiday rituals. Enjoy and relax

  • jamiebowers
    jamiebowers

    Congrats! Once you have the baby, you'll want him to have what all the other kids are having, as far as birthdays and holidays are concerned. It will become even more important when he goes to daycare and/or school and he starts to make friends.

  • chichimama_2
    chichimama_2

    Congratulations!

    Your children will only miss out on something if you were to go back to the JWs or fail to fully live your life and enjoy the freedoms you now have.

    There are so many exciting things you and your children will be able to do that we who were raised as JWs missed out on.

    Many are social in nature and believe me, much more fun than JW social events.

    As you raise your kids you will see how happy and care free they are. You will naturally know how much to share with them about your JW upbringing.

    When we left the Watchtower, my daughter had just started Junior High. My son was in grade school.We raised them strict in the JW lifestyle just as we had been raised up.

    My daughter was so happy. She told me she was going through the motions and just biding her time till she turned 18.

    She said she was never going to be a JW. My son was still young enough he hadn't been as indoctrinated like my daughter had.

    When I found out it was not the truth I apologized to them and told them. I told them I had been raised that way by my parents and believed it was the right way but now I know different and am going to make it right.
    I immediately took steps to give them as normal of a life as possible from that point on. I gave them Birthdays,Christmas, almost all the Holidays. I let them choose an extracurricular activity that they wanted to do. Jessica chose band and Rex chose karate. We had fun.

    All JW friends and family shunned the kids and I. I would have limited their access to supervised visits because I didn't want them trying to preach to Rex anyway.We made new friends and included them in our activities.
    As far as religion goes,I decided to finish raising my kids with love, guidance, good morals and values but not to try to influence them anymore with religion.
    I want them to decide if they want that in their lives.
    They are strong independent young adults that I am proud of.

    AKA

    Ranchette

  • JWdaughter
    JWdaughter

    Don't try to have over the top celebrations just because you can. Start out simple, sweet and loving. If you end up being the loony birthday mom, then so be it, but simple birthday cakes and a favorite meal and a few friends is all that anyone really wants when little (at first, anyway!) You dont have to prove anything to anyone. TT your fiance and consciously start building family tradiitons-not just holiday traditions.

    Christmas-the same. Simple, sweet, meaningful if it has any to you.

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