OK, things are about to get messy....

by uk_ex_jw 19 Replies latest jw experiences

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  uk_ex_jw

  I have been operating as an ex-JW for over five years now.

  I was never D/F or D/A - Following an unsuccessful marriage to a JW and subsequent divorce, I went through quite an awful period of my life.

  I was blocked from seeing my daughter by my ex-wife and her staunch JW family.

  Slowly my JW friends started pulling away as they didn't want to get involved.

  I lost all interest in the organisation, and started to build a social circle outside of the faith.

  At this point, my Mother was still an active JW.

  During that time, my Mother wrote a letter to the Bethel in London explaining to them what my ex-wife had done, and how she had been supported by her JW family.

  The reply ; Your son, and yourself need to work on your own spirituality. Jehovah will bless you as a result.

  So that was it.

  Over the last 12 months, myself and my Mother have spent a lot of time researching the organisation. I gave her Crisis of Conscience which she has read, and now she is at the point where she doesn't believe that the organisation have the truth and hasn't been to a meeting in over a year.

  Yet, she has been hounded by Elder's since this time.

  One particular Elder - imagine, the Hitler-type Elder who makes it his business to organise and dictate everyone's lives. If you do not comply, he will make it his own mission to destroy your reputation and drive you out of the congregation.

  He must have driven 5-6 people, in particular younger ones, out of the congregation over the years for not complying. He would think nothing of tearing a strip off you for turning up late, and he would do it in the foyer in front of everyone.

  He has pestered my Mother for over a year now. Bombarded her with phone calls/voicemails, almost on a daily basis. Even yesterday as she was getting ready to go to work, he called at 9.00am asking to meet with her as soon as possible. She responded by telling him that she was busy and looking to sell her house shortly - which she is. He persisted and asked, when when are you NOT busy? Again, she said that she didn't want to be pinned down to a time, so he ended the call.

  With regard to me, it is well documented about the JW study who I managed to convince not to go through with baptism. But, as many of you warned, it will come at a price.

  I have one JW friend, an Elder's son, who despite my views, still speaks to me via Facebook and sometimes on the phone. We have been friends since childhood.

  Anyway, yesterday a 'Brother' contacted him asking about my status - whether I was disfellowshipped or not.

  My friend replied that I am not, but I have differing views now, and that my main gripe is paedophiles being allowed within congregations.

  This guy replies, and counsels my friend. He stated that he has read my 'views' on FB through various apostate websites, that I am on the 'edge of the truth', that my friend need's to talk to me and 'wake me up' - otherwise you need to cut him off for good. He claimed he was just looking out for the spiritual well-being of my friend, but they all say that.

  I want to retalliate, but for now, I have kept quiet. I would rather PM this individual. I know him from before. Does anyone have any tips?
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  00DAD

  Encourage your mother and your friend (particularly him) to develop their OWN conscience and to make their OWN decisions. Reassure them you support them in this and always offer your unconditional love .

  You might tell your mother she needs to be more definite with this elder, "Look, I do NOT want to talk to you. Quit calling me or I will call the police and tell them you are stalking/harrassing me. Get the clue!"

  If the elder asks why she could respond:

  1. It's none of your business
  2. It's on a "need to know basis" and YOU don't NEED to know!
  3. Hang up

  Best wishes.

  These self-righteous bastards make the Pharisees that killed Jesus look like wankers.
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  Yan Bibiyan

  It would be nice if your mom can answer in a true JW fashion:

  Elder: "when can we meet"?

  Mom: "Soon"

  Elder: "How soon, I need to know exactly when"

  Mom: "It will be very soon"

  Elder: "I Have to know exactly when, soon is just not good enough"

  Mom: "Soon is not good enough? Really?. OK, I am just about to make up my mind and let you know"

  You get the idea...
• 

  LongHairGal

  uk_ex_jw:

  Your description of this meddling nervy elder makes me glad I am no longer there. I would never and I mean NEVER tolerate such intrusiveness. I would screen calls and not answer. If he leaves a message: press "Delete" as soon as you hear his voice. I wouldn't let anybody corner me!

  No boundaries in this religion and everybody got used to it like the proverbial frog in the pot of boiling water! No more.
• 

  okage

  @00DAD: the advice on how to handle the mother is sound. But I can't say I would advise handling the Elder the way you presented. You know as well as anyone on JWN that if she responded in any of those ways, the Elder will be able to find someone willing to point a finger at her and the family with a vague accusation of apostacy. If necessary, the Elder will find a second person who happened to "remember" instances of uncleanliness or apostacy.

  If you and your mother are ready to exit on your own terms, do it at a meeting. Tell anyone who will listen that you're leaving and tell them why.

  As for the PM, lay it out simple.

  "The revelation during the recent case of Doe v. The Watchtower Society that the Organization HAS indeed instituted a policy that protects pedophiles and rapists within the congregation is cause for concern, and by understanding of Scripture, I am within my spiritual right to have doubts. I am not preaching my doubts to brothers in the congregation, nor have I disassociated myself from the Organization. Your attempts to slander me and ruin my connections within the congregation are scripturally unfounded.

  I will be making note of your prejudiced accusations in the event rumors or gossip about my good standing should arise. I am a Christian first, but it gives you no scriptural grounds to make uninformed accusations to anyone, especially under the idea that because you wholeheartedly support policies that protect the wolves among the flock who would hurt Jehovah's children, so must I unflinchingly.

  Should you feel the impulse to criticize me further, I ask that you follow scriptural procedure expected of all brothers in our Organization and come to me first to discuss your grievances so that your words do not wrongfully spark a debate among elders who would take your good standing over my tarnished reputation (made possible by your impatient, uninformed accusations) and see fit to clean me from our Christian congregation. Imagine if your words got a Christian wrongfully disfellowshipped. Left in Jehovah's hands, where would one bearing false witness fit into Paradise? You can no longer say you didn't know the severity of your impatience because you are being told now.

  I feel you are teetering on the edge of the truth, and it's my responsibility as a Christian to let the elders know because you don't seem to be willing to tell them, and if I stay quiet, Jehovah says I am equally responsible for your sins.

  With warm Christian love,

  YOUR NAME HERE"

  Or something to that effect. Discredit his accusation, take screen captures, warn him he is at fault now for false witnessing, and add the piss to his pants by reporting him. Use the Witness tactic of the Red Herring (change the subject of your faults to what it is he's done wrong).
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  laverite

  Why not enjoy running them all in circles for as long as possible, especially that nit-wit busy-body elder? I like Yan's suggestion...keep him thinking he's about to pin down a meeting time. Enjoy talking to him everyday and be completely evasive, keeping him running circles. Frustrate the hell of him until he nearly spontaneously combusts. Spontaneous elder combustion -- maybe they'll do a special comeback episode of "That's Incredible" in honor of the fun.
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  Balaamsass

  Offering to meet an elder at an odd time works well. The lords work is a big hurry when it can be done in an easy manner.

  Ok brother ______ I am Very busy but I will be happy to meet you at___ before I start work Tuesday.....or Wed at 12:00 during my lunch at such and such place....otherwise it will have to wait. If we are meeting alone- it should be a public place- for propriety-you know how talk starts...I need to let you know am a little short on cash right now....I assume are you calling me to borrow money? .......No?

  Oh.._____ WHY do you need to meet with me? WHO accused me of WHATTTTT_____? This brother/sister never approached me privately 1st. I will need to call them about this...what is their phone number please? Address? Hummmm...either they are mistaken or are slandering me. Oh my- by the way what is your correct mailing address? You won't tell me? Why? -I think you are not following the lead of the faithful slave brother____, that Korah attitude is dangerous you know....

  Stand up to this BS, take names and kick !#!##. I guarantee you most JW elders who pester people are milktoast men who like to bully. They will back down 90% of the time.- If this does not work then, ratchet up the pressure a bit with a letter/call to the "two eye witnesses".
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  oppostate

  @uk_ex_jw

  Ok, this will put an end to the elder's calls to your Mom...

  There was strict counsel to elders not to call sisters on the phone unless there was another elder on the line.

  Have your Mom make a list of all the times (or approximations of times) when this elder called her.

  Then have her call another elder in the congregation, ask him to put another elder on a conference call, of course mention

  that it's a matter about reporting abuse and going beyond spiritual boundaries by the Stalker elder and

  tell the two elders that the other elder has been calling repeatedly wanting to spend time on the phone with her

  asking to come by and visit.

  Now this is most important she needs to tell them (not ask them) to tell the elder never to call again or try to visit

  or even approach her, or she will go to the CO, the DO and call the Branch and the local authorities with her

  documented list of times he's tried to approach her by phone and other ways and that she wants this

  stalking and persecution to stop. She is very traumatized by all this and if she has to she will consider getting

  legal counsel, especially if anything is done to retaliate against her. She's to the point where she's considering

  to sell her home and move away to get away from the harassment and continued unwanted calls from this

  elder who has stepped outside the boundaries of spiritual appointed men. She should tell them that she has

  proof (her list, but don't give any details nor mention it beyond saying proof that will hold up in a court of law

  but she doesn't want to pursue criminal charges at this time, and of course bring reproach on Jehovah's name

  by exposing this ongoing stalking and abuse of power, but if she receives a call from this elder or any other

  elder tries to put pressure on her she will defend herself by means of secular law if she has to. Please, do

  not call her again, if she needs spiritual support she will most definitely seek it and any unwanted calls will

  only aggravate her level of disgust towards this elder's behavior and a disappointment with the entire body

  of elders for not taking actions to stop the abuse. She should thank them for listening and not answer any

  questions, but only say she's got to let someone know and that's why she called, please respect her request

  and please do something about this rogue elder.

  :-)
• 

  Paralipomenon

  She can the the elder that she is the last minutes of the last days of her busy period!
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  AK MCGRATH

  Wow! Sounds like an effin stalker to me! He's freakin insane! I'd say, I am telling you this one time...DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN! If you do, I am going to the police and filing a harassment claim. I have records to show how often you are calling me, too.

  Although, I really do like Balaam & oppostate's responses.

  That elder is stepping WAY out of line, and he needs to be stopped, either by contacting others in the organization, or the secular authorities, if the ORG fails to do anything. Criminy! I wouldn't be surprised if he is hiding nearby, taking notes like nutcase detective! Is this deuche married? Doesn't he have his own life, wife to worry about? Who has time for this kind of thing? What an ASSHOLE!