My Emails RE: The Child Abuse Case - The Fallout

by What Now? 11 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

  • What Now?
    What Now?

    So on my last thread, I showed you all the email correspondence between me and my sister over the recent child abuse case the society was convicted in. So I had emailed my sister last Friday, and we were all getting together at a family gathering the next day. My mom was very stand-offish – she just said hi to me but otherwise ignored me the whole night.

    So yesterday (Tuesday) I had to call her about something, and once we discussed that she said there were some things she needed to say.

    She said that my sister had read her my email, and that it sounded like it was written by someone who had left the truth and she was heartbroken and felt dead inside. She apologized for not speaking to me, but said that if she had she would have started crying in front of everyone. She said that she has been worried about me and my husband for a couple of years now. She’s noticed that I never pray with my son before meals, she’s never seen a bible story book in our house, apparently even the fact that my husband got involved with “Movember” is a warning sign for her.

    A friend of ours recently lost her father. Apparently he had committed suicide. She said that our friend’s mother and father had become apostates and all they did was read apostate literature, and that had invited demons into their home and this could be why her father died. She’s concerned because she knows I had read “those vampire books” (hehe, yes I have) and I could have invited demons into our home, that I should be more concerned over that because now I have my son.

    She mentioned the child abuse case, and said that even though some in the organization might do bad things, it’s still Jehovah’s organization and everything they teach from the bible is 100% true, and that Jehovah will punish those ones. She said even though the annointed are going to have immortality, they are so concerned about helping us make it through these last days so that we can have everlasting life. She begged me to start taking our spirituality more seriously – teach my son to love Jehovah, and as I teach him, I will come to love Jehovah more too.

    She started to talk about how she is so scared for us, for all of her children, that this is consuming her. At that point she started crying on the phone.

    I’m so torn over this. I don’t know what to do. As a mother, I understand what you feel for your children, and what it’s like to be worried for them, terrified even, that they could do harm to themselves. Even though nothing my mother said changed how I feel about the organization, I can’t even imagine intentionally making her go through the pain of us leaving. But I don’t want to expose my son to this religion, any more than is necessary. I’m not taking him to all the meetings, in service, he’s not going to join the school or become a publisher. We celebrate his birthday, certain holidays. How much longer can we keep this hidden?

    I hate the organization for this. I hate them. At least half of their members have to be in the same situation we are – stuck in here for the sake of maintaining relationships with our families and friends. Why can’t they just let us go??

  • Fernando
    Fernando

    Hey What Now?

    It does seem a bit laughable that such a small group of spiritually blind, confused, inebriated and insane but cowardly and puny men can wield so much power over the lives of so many.

    If only all could wake up at the same time, and cry out in unison: "but the emperor is completely naked!"

  • outsmartthesystem
    outsmartthesystem

    They won't let you go because that is how cults operate. They hold you hostage. And they're good at it.

    Your mom obviously holds out hope that you'll return to the borg. Since she thinks that is a possibility.....you could use that to your advantage. Tell her that what she said to you really touched you and that you've decided to so some real study.....ya know.....to make the truth your own. But you're having trouble with a few things (607 BC......1914.......1919......looking for proof that Jesus selected them as his faithful and discreet slave) etc. Ask her to help you find these answers. Remember....she is a JW. That means she is the teacher and not the student. If you try to TELL her anything it will fall on deaf ears. But if you act truly inquisitive and lost....she'll likely feel the need to help you. IMO - that is the way to do it. Draw her out with questions that she can't answer. The hope is that in doing the research to try to find out......maybe she'll realize the truth about "the truth". Those of us on this board can certainly throw out some topics of interest (ones that will require her to do honest research.....not "fake" research in their own Orwellian Proclaimers book)

  • Fernando
    Fernando

    I'm with outsmartthesystem on this.

    One of my many favourites: "is 'legalism' apostasy?"

    Or: "Is it true that more than half the Bible's references to the 'good news' are by Paul?"

    And: "what is the 'good news' according to Paul?"

    Or: "as 'publishers of the good news' should we believe, teach and obey the 'good news' according to Paul, Moses, Isaiah and Psalms?"

  • Giordano
    Giordano

    Well to be honest this is your mother's problem. At this stage she is quilting you by holding you accountable for her fears and concerns. Many JW's are so wrapped up in the BS that they lose sight of their wonderful children. I went through this with my mother. Unfortunately she didn't shun us (LOL) so we maintained an edgy relationship for decades. I had to respect her choice while she was unable to respect mine. It doesn't get better.

    Always remember you were not offered a choice about becoming a witness you were Expected to become a loyal JO-HO.

    Knock off the guilt tripping. Remember if you get DF she will stop speaking to you immediately. If your child needs a blood transfusion she will not support your desire to keep your child safe. She will not encourage your son to seek higher learning. It was so one sided with my mother that we never allowed our son to stay with his grandmother by himself because I knew she would have let him die then give permission for a life saving transfusion. What about you mom if came down to that issue?

    The best thing is to take a holiday from the JO-HO life....say nothing just fade away. Better to move away but if you can't........fade. Your over being a witness....right? You have an intact family? Well, your child needs clarity. Needs to know he comes first in his parent's lives. My wife and I walked out over 40 years ago. My son thanked me the other day for allowing him to make his own decision.

  • lisaBObeesa
    lisaBObeesa

    I'm so sorry, What now...

    It is so hard to see your loved one so upset. I don't know what you should do or how you should deal with your mom but just remember, you are not doing anything wrong.

    (((((hugs))))

  • DesirousOfChange
    DesirousOfChange

    Your mom obviously holds out hope that you'll return to the borg. Since she thinks that is a possibility.....you could use that to your advantage. Tell her that what she said to you really touched you and that you've decided to so some real study.....ya know.....to make the truth your own. But you're having trouble with a few things (607 BC......1914.......1919......looking for proof that Jesus selected them as his faithful and discreet slave) etc. Ask her to help you find these answers.

    I agree with OSTS, this is the only way that MIGHT work. But I'm not sure 607 is the best issue. The only research there is to support 607 is WT information. She would no doubt pull out the recent WT articles that give volumes of blah-blah-blah it support it. Obviously, there is NO secular support for it since NO ONE else believes anything signficant occurred in 607. No one bothers to discuss it as it is a non-event in history.

    I think it really takes a personal issue to open the eyes of a loyal JDub. They have to be personally harmed before they realize that this is NOT a group that has a special hocus-pocus relationship with God's Holy Spirit. Something has to occur that makes it obvious that the decisions are NOT "spirit-directed". We had an elder appointed and shortly it became known that he had been carrying on an affair for many years. How did the HS not know this and go ahead and appoint him? Those most personally affected by this (wife, kids, etc) saw the obvious flaw in WT doctrine and began to question other things too.

    Doc

  • 00DAD
    00DAD

    What Now?, I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Your mother is having a phobic reaction due to her indoctrinated fears.

    You asked a very good question, "Why can’t they just let us go?"

    I wish I knew the answer. Controllers gotta' control. There is no honorable way to leave this religion. That is by design. It should be criminal in this day and age.

    Hang in there, it gets better.

  • truth_b_known
    truth_b_known

    Remember: With Jehovah's Witnesses it is never about truth. It's always about "The Truth". Jehovah's Witnesses do not worship a god. They worship a publishing corporation known as the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of New York, INC. As a god is infallible, so is the corporation.

  • carla
    carla

    I am truly sorry for your having to even think about this much less go through it. However, you are a mother now and your first priority is your child and his/her welfare. This includes their physical safety, mental, spiritual and emotional health. You already know one cannot have a healthy upbringing in the wt. Sadly you may have to make the choice of who comes first, your mother or your child. A hellish decision nobody should have to make and all the more reason to see the wt for what it is, a dangerous and often deadly cult.

    Protect your child and this may mean never leaving them alone with jw relatives, even grandma or grandpa.

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