Betrayal

by breakfast of champions 12 Replies latest jw friends

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  Crisis of Conscience

  WOW BOC! That was an excellent point to share. I'd like to read that book now.

  While I don't deal with the guilt factor anymore directly/outwardly, I find the betrayal feeling to be an indirect way of saying at times I still feel guilty. Long time "friends" share their thoughts about something JW related and at times inside I feel I've betrayed them. I'm listening to what they are saying but I just don't believe most of it anymore. So my not being able to relate to them at times makes me feel guilty. Thus far I calm my inner feelings by reminding myself that I didn't arrive at my current thoughts and feelings over night. It took countless hours of sometimes painful research that still hasn't ended. And that brings me tremendous comfort.

  Therapy has helped me to stop ,when facing an irrational emotion on my part, and think rationally. With that I've found myself much calmer with my new beliefs and feelings.

  My next hurdle is really believing my JW wife supports me no matter what, since I know the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society feeds her different info. She has been very supportive, and she regularly reminds me of how she feels about me despite my changes. I just find it hard to believe it all because of the Society's influence. I'm working on that.

  We'll see what the future holds. Regardless, I wish you the best in the struggle, truly.

  CoC
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  talesin

  Yes, the JW issues are important, but I found that my issues with sexual abuse affected my life much more, and it is a mistake to focus ONLY on the JW upbringing when you have multiple reasons for your pain.

  xo

  tal
• 

  breakfast of champions

  Thanks for the encouraging words NELLIE. My chief 'weapon' in this battle has been showering my wife with more love and attention than ever - which is a win-win for both of us. I have already expressed to her how she's #1 in my life now - not god or 'the truth' - and she hasn't seem at all adverse to the idea. Still I worry that things could get rough ahead as the rhetoric from the society for absolute loyalty and obedience increases and I pull further away.

  CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE - it is sort of a feeling of guilt, but different. And although I can perfectly reconcile my beliefs and feelings rationally, I'm still having a strong gut reaction.

  TALESIN - Good point. The primary reason for seeing a psychologist with me is abuse issues and what turns out to be a form of dissociative disorder, as well as a bizzare pain disorder. That's my doctor's specialty so I'm in good hands. The cult upbringing is a secondary issue, but highly intertwined and quite significant.