Hi, Piglet. You are getting some great advice from people with experience here. Ding's advice to go slowly is especially important.Be patient. It gives them time to ponder what you are currently talking to them about, and perhaps research it. Please have scripture ready when needed to back up what you are telling them. JW'S are very good at taking scripture out of context. I'm sure you are already using jwfacts. If they are 11 & 13, they must have some outside interests that you could encourage them to pursue. Since it is Summer(at least it is here in the U.S.) is it possible for you to take them on several mini vacations to lessen the amount of meetings they attend? Just 2-3 days? It could also limit the contact they have with the jw relatives and jw's in general. That is a good thing! Wishing you all the best, you and your family will be in my prayers. And remember the people on this forum are wonderful, and a great source of information! They blow me away!
I taught my kids too well! Help!
by Piglet 17 Replies latest members private
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OnTheWayOut
Welcome Piglet. Why take a chance that they will or won't come out eventually? Help it along. Do your homework. Suggested readings: COMBATTING CULT MIND CONTROL and RELEASING THE BONDS: EMPOWERING PEOPLE TO THINK FOR THEMSELVES by Steven Hassan. And apparently, a new book called FREEDOM OF MIND by the same author, one that I have to read myself.
Also, consider reading Ray Franz' two books, CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE, IN SEARCH OF CHRISTIAN FREEDOM.
If you have the means at all, try contacting Randy Watters at freeminds.org or Steve Hassan (or a person working for him) at freedomofmind.com and ask them for specific help. If you don't have the means, keep asking us stuff. But get started. Your kids probably will want to come out of it, but some stay when someone shows them special interest. Even it that someone isn't a pedophile, what they do to them is awful. Do your homework.
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Billy the Ex-Bethelite
Welcome!
Don't let them pin the label "apostate" on you. WT corporation are the apostates that are using religion as a snare and racket to ruin the lives of their sheeple. Proceed with patience/caution and make it clear to your kids that truth and facts are not on Watchtower's side.
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Cacky
I'm in the same boat as you. My youngest daughters, twins, are 26 years old. They have so much potential but they are wasting the best years of their life. I'm also an apostate, but they aren't shunning me. They were a while back, then they needed to live with us, so they stopped, and I made a rule of no shunning in my home, they need to borrow our vehicle sometimes, then I decided that if they were going to continue to shun their sister then I just in good conscience support that, so they moved in with a friend, but haven't gone back to shunning me. I think they are now having limited association with their sister now. We had a family meeting, after three years of this stuff going on, and that seems to have opened them up somewhat to some speaking with their sister.
I advice not coming on strong about it. I did that and I believe it was a mistake. At least I say that now, but who knows if some of the things I've made them listen to might come back to them as they observe more and more over time. I guess there is no good answer. It's a destructive cult, so naturally there are no good answers.
Maybe tell them that your conscience makes you feel that since you raised them in the religion, you feel you have to at least let them know what you've discovered about it, and once you do that, you won't bring it up again. Maybe they'd allow that, though I doubt even that. I kind of fooled my daughters when they said their elders wanted to meet with me to see why I think the girls shouldn't shun their sister. I asked my never-jw brother to attend. I then took advantage of that meeting to go over many, many issues I had discovered. I believe only because my brother was there if prevented the elders, and the girls, from up and leaving. However, according to their older sister, it may have kind of traumatized them a bit, I hear they felt like Satan himself was giving a full on frontal assault, so I still don't know if I did the right thing. However, I feel more at peace that I at least finally got to tell them things I learned. Now I feel like it is in their hands and they can do with the information what they will.
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Aussie Oz
Hi Piglet
I actualy wanted my kids to be raised JW by my ex wife. Until 2 years ago when i found this site, at that time my son was 16 and daughter was 13.
I did begin working on getting them away from the JWs, at first very careful as to what i would say, just asking them questions or getting them to question, I made a point of avoiding anything near apostate.
Older one did not wish to listen, told me he knew it was the time to look into it all but didnt want to. the younger i discovered already had serious doubts years ago and it is with her that i have had the most success helping her deal with faking it in a JW home. My boy has not been to a meeting now for 4 weeks due to a worldly girlfriend in his life and confessed since leaving home he had only been going to keep up apperances.
So, my advice is to back right off of anything remotly apostate in your attitude and speach. Just ask them questions sometimes, not all the time. It can be hard when you are busting to say so much.
I feel that i have done a far better job reaching them by being a real dad and letting them see me have a great happy JW free life.
somewhere in all my posts you will find some called ''update on the kids'', maybe they will be of help to you...
Oz
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LouBelle
Hello and Welcome Piglet: I have a little thing here on my desk - Piglet and Pooh are walking the garden...Piglet: How do you sepll love? Pooh: You don't spell it, you feel it.
someone said - just focus on being a good dad. Be the best dad and hubby you know. Tell them every day you love them, be there for them. If you don't have to go to meetings and don't have to take them - that is great. Perhaps ask them if they want to bring kids over for a play date, maybe even organise a summer party and get them to invite their school friends over. Just don't force the issue. If they are not constantly reminded about the faith, hopefully it will fade.
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Cacky
Black Sheep, I'm going to have to order that book for my grandkids! They aren't being raised jw, but it sounds really good.
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jwfacts
Education plays the key component. Not attacking their religion, but rather teaching them about the variety of other beliefs. For example, Is one language better than another? Maybe, maybe not. But a child does not get a chance to choose what language they will be bought up to believe. Likewise with religion. Religion is dictated by where someone is born as much as their language, not whether or not it is better or true. Is it logical that God only likes those that were lucky enough to be born in a Christian country, or more selectively, in one where they will come in contact with JWs. Once they understand that concept they will be more willing to understand the history and flaws of their own religion.