Stress on young ones

LHS123

I had a horrible conversation with my 14 year old last night which I regret

im still in but doubting more and more every day.. She is recently baptized. She is outgoing and gorgeous and make friends easily, although not so much with the sisters in our hall, who pick her up and drop her again regularly , leaving her out of parties etc but then bringing her back into the circle, dropping her again...and so on. She has no reliable true friend in 'the truth' except me, her brother stopped going last year and they were really close, now they go their separate ways.

she has friends at school who she gets on with really well. I have recently 'relaxed' my strict husbands rule of no worldly kids in the house, (on occasion) and a school pal dropped into see her for an hour last night. She put a photo of them both on a social network and I panicked. I thought, all the jws will see that and be like, why is she with a worldly girl? Judge her and gossip about her and maybe she'll be less likely to get asked to the next get together! So I told her my fears and made her paranoid too, she went to bed in tears. She is pioneering this month and trying her best, she just likes some girls who aren't jws - how dare she?!

This is just what happened with my son, he had great friends at school and wanted to see them (only human right?), we said no so he started sneaking out and told his 'best' jw friend,....witness friends started distancing themselves and uninviting him, he of course starved for companionship turned even more to his school friends. The rest is history.

this is one of the aspects that has turned me off so much, the eagerness to judge and exclude young ones who are just under pressure and need friends. They push them out of the org when what they really need is true friends who won't judge them but will support them. So sad and I really worry about the consequences for mental health and future relationships.

Witness My Fury

Caring too much what other people think is socially crippling, i've done it most of my life and it is no way to live.

http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/06/taming-mammoth-let-peoples-opinions-run-life.html

Being a JW is all about being judgemental and fitting in, difference isnt encouraged, individuality isnt encouraged, sameness is.

When I learnt TTAT and quit the JWs, almost overnight I became far less judgemental and more tolerant.

Go easy on yourself though, it takes time to shake off the cult persona.

KateWild

You seem to be being inconsistent. That's only to be expected when you first learn TTATT.

Are you glad your son has left? Do you want the same for your whole family?

Both my kids and I have left...we all left in our own time and stayed out.

Having school friends is important and putting it on Fb is not really harmful. Let her find her own way and each step out of the WT view as progress and positive.

Kate xx

zeb

I dont know why but i feel a strong need to say this. If i come across as rough please forgive me.

Pick her up hug her say you are sorry and do some hard and fast considering on where you are at. You are doubting good it shows you have a caring spirit. Didnt Paul say "prove all things"

Girls taking others into their circle and then dumping them is pretty normal if catty juvenile behavior. It is similar with boys. Brothers and sisters at their age will part too and they will get back together again as they grow up. Been there done that. Teen years are rarely calm for any length of time; storms are frequent some from within some from without.

Wont get invited to the next ..party? Who is setting the pace my dear? Are you trying to create impression on a most juvenile group? At my old age i have seen that jw offspring are ever 2 years behind their non jw peers in social development.**

Have a girls party a super morning tea. ( this removes the being out late situation) at your house by invitations---posted out-- not emailed--not sms'd. With her invite her best acquaintances. Any that dont wish to attend then it is their decision or their parents let them live with it.

A wedding was held by a sane respectable couple and their families and there was problems with what to do at the reception so jw involved wouldn't be 'offended'. A wise member of the non family said invite them put them all at one table in a corner near the kitchen and let them do what they do there. So with the party thing any that dont wish to attend it is their decision le them live with it.

You have every right to worry about mental health and handling relationships and you are realizing why. I have seen jw getting married when they were little better than kids. In my wifes cong was one such recently He was 18 **she about the same. What the hell!

Tell your husband to wake up and smell the roses. He has a young woman living in his house whose social and emotional and mental needs will not be met by pray more, study more do more field service.

Take the young lady horse riding. The contact with a big animal and the confidence she will get from handling and riding will see her wt 'friends' pale off in the need stakes. It will do you good too.

warmth, love, peace.

If anyone thinks I need poisoning send it in a nice wrapper i like surprises.

Xanthippe

It's so upsetting seeing a child distressed I know. Sadly in this religion the members are very oppressed by the GB and the elders that they judge and oppress one another in turn. You have one child out and your daughter is reaching out to her school friends which is good.

She is finding her way, but I know how heartbreaking it is to see a daughter upset. Yes the JWs will judge and exclude her if she makes friends at school but that will help her see what the religion is really like. I feel for you, hang in there.

zeb

WMF and KW:

while i was ranting with care you two said it for me and far better.

love yuz.

LHS123

Thanks all of you, I know I'm a bit of a mess, not knowing which way is up to be honest and I need to get it together for my kids more than anything. I'm just starting to acknowledge my doubts but then I do still value some of the teachings . I Recognise that being a jw might have kept my daughter from experiencing too much too soon, although on the other hand I think it sent my son off the rails!! I apologized to my girl and she is fine, she said "well if anybody has a problem with that photo they can come and ask me about it can't they?", well said! I need to trust that she's intelligent enough to see the reality of how things really are and who her true friends are in her own time. I just want to protect her from the hurt I've experienced.

rebel8

I was in the same situation, hot-then-cold jw 'friends' who were backstabbing bullies--just socializing with me sporadically because they felt guilty. [2 exceptions only.] But that's to be expected really--most human beings are douchebags and when they're forced to pretend they're nice, it doesn't work out too well.

Create opportunities for your daughter to socialize in a fun and healthy way with non-jw friends. 14-year-olds in totally unstructured situations may get her radar up--peer pressure and all of that. Structured activities at first will reassure her no one is going to turn her into a drug-crazed, demon-possessed, prostitute nudist in the first 15 minutes.

She needs to be around kids her age to develop socially. None of that occurred with me, and I can tell you it took me years to heal the resulting social retardation, with lots of avoidable pain for me and others. Seriously--this is a developmental need.

Crazyguy

Remember if your still a believer that Jesus said do not judge do not exalt and in Matt 5 he says only greeting your brother then your no better then a tax collector. The JW's do not follow the teachings of Christ do not love thier fellow man. Also the Bible says in many places all who believe in Jesus are God's sons Christians. It says all not just 144k, there are also many scripture s that state there is no favoritism with God.

ABibleStudent

Hi LHS123, Encouraging your daughter to make more non-JW friends is the best course of action for you. You can also counsel your daughter about the pros and cons of posting on social media and not talking about her non-JW activities with JWs.

Also, I do not feel that the WTBTS doctrines have helped your daughter. How could the WTBTS doctrine of refusing blood help your daughter if she was in a car accident and lost 6 pints of blood? How does refusing to go to college to increase opportunities for her help her? How does avoiding non-JWs to be played like a yo-yo with JWs help your daughter form meaningful relationships? How does pioneering for a printing, print distribution, and real estate property corporation instead of having fun with friends help your daughter?

How has the WTBTS benefited you and your family? I can counter those thought-stopping platitude with how the WTBTS has victimized you and your family with BITE manipulation techniques.

Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,

Robert

Stress on young ones

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