Hi,
Me, I recently won partial physical custody as well as well as a de-facto medical custody on the blood issue (basically if we disagree, it will revert to whatever the doctor says is in the best interest of the child) and custody over after-school activities. I didn't want full custody as I don't think cutting my child off from the mother would be either the best thing to do at her age (she was 3m old when I left the JW) or even later. ALWAYS think what is best for the children and don't ask for what appears to be excessive (full custody unless you have proof of abuse) because if they think you're being excessive, you may get less than what you want.
First things first, GET A LAWYER. You can't really fight the system on your own (I tried) and the JW's will bankroll an expensive lawyer. You will be accused of everything and then some. Don't let it get to you. And you HAVE to respond to the accusations or they will come back. The JW's will lie. They lied about blood, they lied about after-school activities, they lied about how they treat apostates and disfellowshipped, they denied and even denounced their own publications.
If you want to save money and you are up to doing things professionally, you can write the responses for the lawyer. In most cases, my lawyer just looked at my letters and simply forwarded them as his, it only cost me 20 min instead of 2h in dictation. The letters should always be professional and as brief as possible though. Something I learned, don't go into much detail, state what you want, state why/where they're lying. Also, make sure you prepare. The more you prepare before your initial lawyer meeting, the less you have to talk, the less he has to research, the better he will understand what you're going through and what you want. Also, find relevant cases in your state, there are some interesting cases in most states regarding JW's. I found one that was fought right in the same circuit my judge was presiding over, jackpot!
Get an aggressive lawyer. My lawyer called me a jack-ass at one point but he respected me and what I did. My ex's lawyer made her feel good all the way through and is laughing all the way to the bank.
Don't go to your lawyer with reams of printed stuff. If he/she really wants to look that stuff over, it will cost you. Also, everything you bring in court will be examined and witnesses and statements etc, if they will fight everything you can count on up to 10 hours of in-court (lawyer's fees be ticking) per WT article. So keep it relevant. BLOOD, RESPECT FOR NON-JW PARENTS, WHAT NORMAL THINGS THEY WILL MISS AS A JW - that was my basis. Yeah Armageddon and Sparlock etc. not really relevant for a court, they can't or won't rule on whether that is stupid and it's a waste of time.
Make up what you want for the children and offer an agreement where you can both share custody, it will be much cheaper. You most likely won't get full custody unless you can PROVE that being there is absolutely the worst thing that could happen to the children. Think what is best for the children too. Since they're that age, talk to your lawyer about getting a psychological review to see what the mother is doing to them. Get a psychologist with cult experience though, even if it's one that prefers adults, the cult experience will help, they're fairly adult at their age.
Ask IMMEDIATELY for a guardian ad-litem in your first court papers (your lawyer will probably tell you that anyway) and talk to the guardian ad-litem yourself if possible, make sure you don't come over like a nutcase that hates the religion even though you might, keep that to yourself. I simply said, I don't care about the religion, everybody is free to do what they want but these are some things that I do not agree with in that religion and I do not want my child growing up adhering to these things. Then go over the blood issue, the hating of parents or other family members (the most recent Watchtowers the better, that way they can't dismiss it), go over some relevant portions in the school brochure and some other things that may have happened. Stick to the facts. There are hundreds of articles, I took the school brochure and the 'apostates are mentally diseased' Watchtower as well as the relevant portions from the elder book (2 or 3 pages) and that was plenty. I gave the 'preparing for child custody' as a warning of what they might encounter from the other side.
http://jw-stuff.goodluckwith.us/External%20Pubs%20-%20recent/ - Has the school brochure (School and Jehovah's Witnesses) in it as well as the most recent Watchtowers that discuss things like the disfellowshipping and how it relates to immediate family, this probably gave the best (worst for the JW) impression to the guardian ad-litem for me and the social worker who interviewed me as well. Also show the Preparing for Child Custody cases to the guardian and maybe even introduce it to the judge if you have the impression the children are being coached.
http://jw-stuff.goodluckwith.us/Publications/Publications%20-%20Internal/ Has the shepherd the flock of God book as well as 2010 Watchtower LIB CD (CDLY10) as well as the Preparing for Child Custody Cases.
If it comes to a trial, there are expert witnesses who are willing to help you. http://jwchildcustody.com/ and http://www.jehovahswitnessesexperts.com/ - get the DVD at the very least and watch it yourself, also if possible share with the guardian and if possible, the judge. Don't send or give the judge anything without talking to your lawyer though. The family court systems are usually overburdened already and judges don't like anything that smells like propaganda. At least from the DVD you can get references and in the WTLIB you can sometimes even get more recent references (similar wording, different year). Maybe the DVD will be enough to convince the judge without resorting to the expensive expert witnesses, but if necessary, you might have to do that.
It will be pricey and I can try offering you some assistance, none of this is legal advice as I'm not a lawyer but talk to one asap. There are places that can offer you assistance if you can't afford a lawyer, if you're member of a church yourself, maybe you can ask. If you have money up the wazoo, there are really expensive lawyers that will travel from NYC or wherever they live and that have experience with it. The bond was $50k though for one I looked at.
Also, and maybe most important. DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID. I was followed both by elders and professionally, I was bugged and tracked. Don't bring new girlfriends home when the kids are with you, don't bring the GF to her place, don't fight in front of the kids, don't post anything online even if you're angry (such as Facebook etc.) against their mother or the Witnesses, don't start a profile on a dating website. All that can and will be used against you.
