How the Conti case has re-opened a can of worms for me

by Soldier77 21 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Quendi
    Quendi

    My dear Soldier77, your experience almost broke my heart when I read it. I have no gift or counsel for you so all I can do is send you my love and all the positive energy and vibrations I can muster. I'll mention you in my prayers and keep you in my mind and heart as well. You are a good man, never stop believing that. I know this is a very difficult time for you right now, but it will pass; and you'll find joy, peace and love in your life for yourself and all those you hold dear. Believe that, keep reaching for it, and you will get there.

    Quendi

  • watersprout
    watersprout

    I have talked to my girlfriend about it and she is very supportive and loving.

    She sounds like an awesome girlfriend! :D

    I just feel bad this is encroaching our relationship.

    Relationships are all about sharing and helping each other through the tough times.

    Replyed to your pm :)

  • FreeGirl2006
    FreeGirl2006

    I understand where you are coming from. I had a similar experience (I may even have posted it early on joining the site). I have also had my experiences with abuse among the dubs (pedophile/elder/step-creep + the loving judicial committee I faced at age 10 regarding the abuse = nightmares) brought back to the forefront. I agree that going back to counseling is important. Keep a journal and write your feelings out. If pursuing legal action will aid in your healing then go for it!

    I don't think it is shunning when you avoid someone because it is affecting your emotional/mental health, in my personal opinion. I have several people in my life now that I consider toxic and as much as I may care for them, I limit my time with them as I cannot stand the negativity that exudes from them.

    My case is past the expiration date, but I worry about new victims of the step-creep as he is currently in good standing in his congo in NC. He molested at least 4 others beside myself...all because of the wonderful policies in place.

    Freegirl2006

  • DaCheech
    DaCheech

    wow, stunning................... good luck and peace

  • baltar447
    baltar447

    SRA by a CO?

    I'm not doubting your sincerity but that seems pretty out there....

    Has this been substantiated or did anything come of it? Was the CO removed, etc?

  • Soldier77
    Soldier77

    Freegirl2006, " My case is past the expiration date, but I worry about new victims of the step-creep as he is currently in good standing in his congo in NC. He molested at least 4 others beside myself...all because of the wonderful policies in place."

    Same here, it's past the time frame for me to prosecute this further, but I hope people that have the chance, do.

  • Band on the Run
    Band on the Run

    YOu are so articulate. Searching my memory, there was a pedophile brother in the hall that was not restricted in any way. I have no great advice. It is important to find ways to realize your not alone. I don't think I will ever get over what happened to me b/c of the Witnesses. What leaped out for me in this thread was the big difference between hearing the discussion as an abstract one and hearing real personal stories. The pain leaps out from the accounts.

    I once dreamed of working in domestic violence programs or helping abused children. The truth is that I must do it as a hobby. Working on it on a daily basis would destroy me. All I have to do is see some bad tv program where abuse is depicted and I crumble emotionally.

    I do believe in being a witness, however. Not a Witness but a witness. It is important to share these tales with other people. I often post the fact that I was present during Freddie Franz' revelation of 1975. If we forget the past or sweep it away, the WT version will prevail by default.

    Other groups have held marathon witness events. People get up and share their personal experiences. It helps me from dismissing the abuse as long ago and not being consequential when its effects will last every day until I die--and perhaps beyond that.

  • Soldier77
    Soldier77

    Baltar, I can't substantiate it. It was something my mother told me once only a few years back. This SRA happened outside of the USA, is all I do know. To tell you the truth, I have my doubts about the CO part of it, but it was by a witness, the details were pretty disgusting.

    I wouldn't wish what happened to my mom on my worse enemy.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    I have a mentally ill mother. I keep contact to a minimum. She is too damaging. I understand the injustice of shunning, but what you need is something altogether different. You need distance. If I can help release you from the guilt of reducing contact with your mother, I hope this helps.

    I am also not a big fan of rehashing the past over and over. You have my blessings if you choose to walk away from the bad part of your past and work on building a great new future.

  • willyloman
    willyloman

    Since the topic is on dubs and child abuse and the reporting of same, or lack thereof, I want add just one"experience" that supports the validity of some of these stories - in case there are readers who doubt such things take place in the JW world.

    There was man in a nearby congo who was a convicted child molester; his victims were young boys. Many years (about 15 as I recall) had gone by since was convicted and served a handful of years in prison and had received counseling. He later became a JW thru the efforts of his dub relatives, who took him under their wing. He made "spiritual" progress (as dubs measure such) and after some years became a ministerial servant, a position her held for 7 or 8 years. He pioneered. Then he was appointed an elder. This claused some controversy among a small circle of people who knew about his background, but anyone who criticized was admonished that the Society had approved the appointment and this meant God had found the fellow repentant and that was the end of the matter.

    A single mother in our book study had two boys, 8 and 9. One evening she asked to talk to me. She was interested in this elder, whom she'd met at a circuit assembly, and had been out for coffee with him a couple of times. She felt there was a potential relationship there. Then he asked her if he could take her two boys with him on overnight camping trip and she had agreed. But before the trip took place, a sister she knew in the other congo called her and told her about the elder's past and suggested she not let the boys go. She was conflicted, so she talked to me about it.

    I told her I'd look into it and called one of his elders, who who knew me well enough that he confirmed the story about child abuse. He said the body had told no one about his past, but "we do keep an eye on him." He did not know about the camping trip and was concerned and said he'd talk with him. I said I'd talk to the sister and advise against letting them go. He warned me not to reveal the reason, but I said she already knew the reason.

    When I called her back, she asked me what she should do. I told her the rumor she had heard appeared to be founded and that it was not a good idea to let the boys go with him, that even if he'd been treated for whatever sickness caused the incident in the first place, recidivism is rampant among molesters. She was concerned about hurting his feelings and initially argued that, since he was an elder, it must be all right to trust him. I strongly advised her to put her kid's safety first and to call and say she had changed her mind, that the boys were too young to go camping without her along and that she couldn't go, but thanks anyway, and not go into detail about why. Later she told me she did call him and he was very upset. She got defensive and told him the reason. He was furious about that. But she told me the angry exchange eliminated any lingering regrets she might have had about cancelling.

    Some weeks later at a circuit assembly he approached me and dressed me down for "revealing a confidence." I told him the circumstances outweighed whatever confidentiality he thought might exist, and told him he should have known better than to put himself in temptation's way. He threatened to "take action" against me but I never heard any more about it. I did call the elder in his congo and relayed the circumstances to him; he told me that he had called the guy and also advised him to cancel any plans to take the two boys camping.

    The man continued to serve. That was 20 years ago and I am long gone from the congo and the area in which this occurred, so I don't know what his dub "status" is anymore. But I can tell you unequivocably that the official Watchtower practice and policy as recently as at least the early 1990s was to keep a lid on these matters so as not to "bring reproach."

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