If you have any of the following symptoms you may want to consider the golden retirement plan offered by the Watchtower Society of Jehovah's Witnesses.
1.IT'S BORING!!! Every "new" book reads just exactly like the old ones. Adam and Eve in the first chapter and Armageddon in the last chapter. Five meetings a week make your butt go numb and your mind wanders. The voices of the brothers on the platform blur into a droning monotone. The songs are like bad Lawrence Welk recordings. You feel your mind melting into goo. 2.PRESSURE TO DO MORE!! Everytime you turn around you are being urged to do more. More field service, more magazine placements, more bible studies.....which naturally means LESS TIME for your own free choices. Having "free time" is made to seem like an out and out sin or apostacy. Recreation is viewed the same as fornication!! 3.OBVIOUS ERRORS!! You start to see discrepencies in the doctrines. What use to be a marvellous expectation is shot down in a depressing "New Light" revelation. Y ou've heard it all before and it begins to look like some kind of CON JOB! 4.DEPRESSION!! There never seems to be a way out. You feel like a rat in a maze or a hamster on a wheel cranking away at a furious pace going nowhere! You can't get out of your financial doldrums or plan for a future--it is out of your hands. The best you can do is put a good face on it and pretend to be fulfilled. It means your life is becoming a lie. You feel suffocated and want to run out of the Kingdom Hall screaming. But, you can't! Does any of this fit you, my friend?
Try the official 3 step retirement plan of Jehovah's Witnesses.
1. Simply s ay out loud what is on your mind a t any time without fear.
2.Answer demands for loyalty to the Governing Body with : "Been there, done that--didn't work for me!"
3.When invited to a judicial committee meeting simply say: "Sorry, I've got better things to do with my time."
You will be granted permission to retire at this point!
You can get any job you want.
You can read any book or magazine, watch any movie, hang out with any person without looking over your shoulder!
You can get an education, earn more money, travel, meet new friends and sleep late on weekends!
Oh, by the way, the only retirement plan the Watchtower offers is called: disfellowshipped!
The best part is that you never have to talk to those idiots again!