I told an elder about all the stupid things people had said and did to me while I was dating my now-wife. I explained how people judged us for meeting online, driving around and doing stuff without a chaperone, and a whole list of negative things. We found out that dating without a chaperone was a non-event. Every single person in my age group that went to my hall while I was growing up is either DF'd or not doing anything with it any more. I remember thinking from a young age that I better not have anything to do with girls because I figured I'd be all caught up with passion and drop my pants and start hammering away. My wife and I had no problems with any of this while we were dating. We were just 2 kindred spirits who wanted to wait until after we were married to have sex. So many JWs minds were in the gutter, they personally marked us and considered us bad association.
So how I faded was I told the elder, "When will all this stupid stuff stop so I can come back?" He had no answer and that was the last time I talked to him.
Wouldn't it better, instead of making all kinds of rules about things, just to tell people what the discipline will be for certain behaviours, and then let them experience the discipline if they make a mistake? Let people live and try to live and if they make a bad decision, well just own up to it and move on. I just wish JWs would treat each other better and treat me better. I enjoy the beliefs but have zero respect for anything that isn't bonafide in the Bible. If it's not in print, I can't go along with it because then you are adding to it.
Maybe how I went wasn't a fade per se, but up until that meeting, I had done a good job. I attended a friend's wedding and got pigeon-holed into a corner at the reception. I told him that's why I sweated bricks and debated going to the reception because I was worried an elder was going to pigeon-hole me and have this discussion - just like right now. I was really agitated.
I'm just sad that I can't worship Jehovah without all the other B.S. that gets in the way. I think underneath the facade that the WTBTS presents Jehovah as, he's a really loving, caring, considerate God and I'd really like to just visit with him personally. I think a chat with him would expose so much of the hurtful rules that are foisted upon us and makes us hurt inside so much. If you really love someone, you don't make up rules that hurt them and tears them down - making them want to kill themselves as was the case with me for so many years.
I've had to fade for my own survival because wanting to die is not a product of a healthy religion.
