Advice needed please. (page 3)

moshe

I am pretty sure, if mommy shuns you for leaving the KH that ALL past transgressions will be overlooked when the grandchildren arrive. JWs will grovel and wring their hands in mock sorrow in order to have access to the grandchildren--

What is it with the generation today? Are they afraid to assert their own independence and take a path that is not what mom and dad want?

Here is a test--- take the JW religion out of the picture and see what advice would be given, if the subject was-- Mom says she will disown and shun me , if I marry my fiancee, that I love with all my heart (but she can't stand)- should I cancel the wedding and make my mommy happy?

Hmm-

jwfacts

The elders cannot disfellowship you for not meeting with them. If you meet with them, they can disfellowship you for something you may end up saying. If you want to fade, tell them you don't have anything that you want to discuss, thank them for their interest and shut the door or hang up the phone. As soon as you enter a conversation of any sort, you risk saying something you will later regret.

bafh

Fading is tricky especially if you have family that you want to maintain contact with and who are otherwise supportive. So those of you who were able to do it in one fell swoop are maybe in a different boat than those of us who need to do it slower. Let's remember there is no one right answer and we do well not to judge others on how they choose to handle their withdrawl.

moshe

Fading is indeed tricky- it's all in how to avoid saying or doing something that can get you in trouble with the WT police and ratted out by regular JWs. If people knew they were going to travel the path of fading for 20-30 years and in the end, they still officially left the KH (on their own or df'd), then they traded away the main part of their real life for a sham life and instead lived a lie. I don't see that as a good exchange at all. Fading could keep you from getting married (if single) and having a family and a good career.

If you have JW family, spouse and children you can't bear to lose, then the safe course of action is to return the KH as an enlightened person who can give a fake smile and even be a fake 30 hour pioneer. Gumby ( a former forum poster) went back to the KH, so I know others can, too. Stay away from apostate websites- you will probably get caught and punished.

mind blown

Welcome

"but sort of hinted to me that if i don't show up then i might be getting an official one soon"??

Please remember some elders are pushy w/God complex and or they're just doing their job, but there's not a dam thing they can do as long as you're careful.

If you can move do it, otherwise, don't answer your door and screen your calls. Remember while out and about don't do anything that can get you dfd where a JW could snitch on you.

On the other hand if you don't want to be hiding all the time, I've been told elders get squimish when it comes to depression. Tell them you're depressed and will be going to a doctor for depression.

If you tell them you have another type of illness they may somehow ask your mom. Depression is an easier excuse. Many keep it a secret and it's not something that's always visible. If you make another type of excuse, they may only try to work it out with you. With depression they don't have the skills to deal with that.

Be strong with your intent.

Joey Jo-Jo

tenene : as far as I am aware they can not disfellowship you for being inactive, remember to smile and be dishonest, also I strongly suggest that you read combatting cult mind control and releasing the bonds BEFORE doing anything.

Dont do anything drastic untill you have read these books.

tenene

Thank you for your inputs everyone, i appreciate.

I have read some of the topics here of those who've done it almost successfully, i'm saying almost because i believe it's very difficult to be completely off the radar, especially with family in.

I am planning on moving away from my territory, but it's not gonna happen overnight, so for now it's all about how to survive while i'm still here.

bafh

Here's my situation:

I haven't attended meeting regularly in over 2 years. I do however still attend the Memorial. I'm a 5th generation born-in. I live in a neighborhood with over 10 JW families who live closeby.

So the advice I gave above is what is currently working for me: I don't answer the door, give a phone number I never answer....I am out of town for work. I'm friendly, loving and kind to JWs when I see or talk to them. I don't answer any questions direct or indirect.

So far, it has worked. I haven't been contacted for any elder's meetings. If they've watched my home, I have not been aware of it - but I have also not done anything at my own home I wouldn't want to get caught at. I've been very discreet.

I realize that not everyone would tolerate living in this way - but for me - I appreciate the freedom from the meetings and the ability to still communicate with my family - it works.

This process is so individual that I don't think we can lay out a right or wrong way to do it - too many variables. Do what works for you with the amount of stress or discomfort that you are willing to tolerate.

Say as little as possible. Be loving and kind, and as real as you can without giving yourself up.

good luck. Let us know how it goes.

smiddy

tenene : Welcome to the board

To put it bluntly ,you need to grow some balls,regardles of your sex.They are only men who have no power or authaurity over you .Don`t let them manipulate you.

It`s your choise whether you want to get into a conversation with them,you don`t have to,and if you do they will trip you up,don`t make that mistake..

eg." I have nothing I wish to discuss with you , thank you for your concern,but please leave me alone." then leave their presence without saying anymore.

smiddy

GrandmaJones

Just don't offer explanations. You don't need to answer to anyone. Have a conversation with your mom, and tell her however much you think she can handle, then live your life. Do you want to spend the rest of it screening telephone calls, sitting in the back booths of restaurants, evading questions, etc. Really?

Listen to moshe - (I did) you won't be sorry. Can't live a lie. You will only be unhappy if you try....

Advice needed please.

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