by Butterflyleia85 40 Replies latest jw friends
Hi Butterflyleia85,
When I think of butterflies, my first thought is they are beautiful, gentle, delicate, wispy, creatures!!!!!!!!"
When they were caterpillars~ not so beautiful.
But they have their time in the cocoon and when they emerge- they are flowers that fly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were a caterpillar in a cocoon when you were a witness.
Now you are a beautiful butterfly!!!!!!!!
Stay beautiful Butterflyleia85.
~Best wishes for your family~
Hang in there, Butterfly --- you'll be fine/Hugs!
Outlaw--- great graphic (about the brain- OMG!) and the "Watchtard" is still the best!
Your feelings possibly included guilt and fear of man, which is understandable because they drummed it into us to have this fear of man, to allways be on your best JW behaviour when in thier company incase they realised you where just a Human Being.
But no need to fear, as you know, God is with you, that proves them to be wrong, not you, they would say God wont touch you with a barge pole, yet God is with you, so you know they are wrong and therefore not superfine apostles to be heald in awe and dread.
Be confident in your stand that you are now closer to God than is possible when you filter him through a self proclaimed priesthood.
Hey there Moshe,
I love when they come to my door, I always have questions they can't answer now that I'm out
It's like pizza delivery
The ones who promise to come back wit an answer and broke their word
are too ashamed to talk religion to me now.
They promised to bring me pearls, and when they realized they don't have any
they reason to themselves that I wasn't worthy of any
The Witnesses are now " holdin' back ". Their gettin' stingy wit their "Good news "
ain't as bold, when confronted wit questions they can't answer
Their the ones claimin' they come not to bring peace but division
through religion. Especially when it comes to dividin' families
when they get their butts kicked, they claimed they've been persecuted
.
You did really well, i realise now that it should have ringed alarm bells that even in your own home, they presume to be the authority, but Is it love?
Do they know what love even is? Love would never disfellowship in the first place. Jesus broke a law that deserved death, he broke the sabbath to heal a man. Yet the WT will let people, children, babies die, because they believe they are the authority on scripture. None of this sounds like love, it isnt love.
Yes we all had friends and some of us have loved ones left behind. But we are the free, we are the fortunate. They are enslaved to a dream that will never come to pass. Find one scripture that even says paradise earth..... There isnt one.... They know it..... Love is not their goal, its plain, cold recruitment.
Sorry.
Be strong, remember the realities as well as the good times. Remember what you had to ignore, not ask, not question in order to be told how to live.
Again... Its not love. Think of your family, your children, your baby to come. Think of not allowing birthdays because some men in brooklyn deem it evil, their evidence being 'bad things happened in birthdays in the bible'. Think of the love you have for your family and think of the love they claim to be showing. Its very, very , very different. How many of them have been to see you, said hello to you, these people that knew you since birth? How many show you love when you decide to not live by their lifestyle? Love is unconditional. Simple as that.
Snare x
Remember.....either they have the TRUTH or they don't. No amount of persuasion, pleading or begging can change that. It does not matter how nice the people are at the KH. It does not matter how well intentioned the elders are. What matters is......do they have the TRUTH?
If not....you are serving men.
Thanks BluesBrother. Your words help a lot. J "It is only a bad thing in the eyes of the deluded ones..." true... and thanks for reminding me. Ha I like to just think of all the elders and bethalites that have left , they being in higher positions then me and knowing that I'm not the deluded one like they feel we are... wrapped up in worldly ways. Ha If they only knew... the thing is they don't want to know.
Thanks NewChapter!
It's an awkward position standing in pjs and haven't brushed my teeth... yeah it was like 10:30am but I was busy feeding and playing with my son until his 11:30am nap. Ha Now I know how the householders felt when I went out in-service.
Yeah the Elders here though are a lot nicer and seem concerned or more compassionate, then the Elders at my old hall I got DFed from. I'm only 30 mins away from my old hall so I know one of the Elders because when my parents were married they went to the same hall. Ever since I was lil every time I saw the Elder (that knew me since I was lil) it brought back good times when my dad was nice to my mom and the Elder help my mom a lot when things went bad between my parents marriage.
I called the Elder by his first name because it was easy for me to remember... Buddy. J Him and his wife was a fun loving couple and was like extra grandparents to me.
So when I saw him I felt over whelmed already with emotion that I held back.
Thank you breakfast of champions... yes I do feel the trama effect of all the hurt and pain... it can be hard though when you expect one thing and get treated like scum of the earth from people you held dear in your heart... it is abuse... my father was abusive (back when I was 5) so I understand the term and well, you don't realize it is until you are treated with true love and tender care.
Btw breakfast of champs... you sound like my husband after they left that was his exact words... expect I was defending them... telling him they are only trying to help and they don't have to come. He said back to me well we don't want their help and good I hope they don't come back. I couldn't understand his rudeness (thank goodness not in front of them) but now I see... I had to think about it but really they are an emotional stur and my husband hates see me so hurt and upset. I guess I end up upset for a few days every time Jehovah Witness stuff pops in my life.
Thanks isaacaustin! I totally agree and thank you for all your help.
Thank you cofty! I agree with you there that's totally my personality too... I just don't have that ability to stand up to people... especially elders. I remember when I got DFed I asked them so what do I do now? What will be my laws now, what should I do? They said you DFed you are on your own to decide, we have no authority over you. Your free to do whatever you'd like. I felt like they were fed up with me and throwing me on the streets after they said that... but then I mustard up this small pride and said fine then I will make my own way.
Thanks LostGeneration! J Yes it's just hard for me sometimes to let go... If I could live my life in peace of mind.
Haha OUTLAW you are hilarious! You defiantly made me smile... ok laugh. Just a fan of killing zombies here (finished the awesome game walking dead) and to put JW with zombies... ha to to funny.
OMG yeah slimboyfat! What the heck... that just goes beyond what an elder said to me when he wanted a three elder meeting with me... his like yelling or sternly saying "Your sick!!" (I said What???) "Your spiritually sick!!!" I was crying at this point. "I can't believe after we just gave your privileges you would do something like that!? How... Why! I'm disappointed **. We need to make a meeting with you. I will call you back and give you a time and day this week." All I could say through the whole thing was "ok". (grr I dislike that elder... just fyi I guess it takes one to know one... he was DFed a year later... he was cheating on his wife for years)
Aware! Yeah I even got shaky and worked up with my own younger sister who was still talking to me at the time... I was so nervous and just overwhelmed with emotion. What stopped me from going farther is when she said "It's not that I shouldn't it's that I CHOICE not to look at those things." "It's garbage!"
Thanks OnTheWayOut! Yeah I should, I do have two of Steven Hassan's books I haven't been through it in a year maybe a refresher would be good. Like I said before, I just need to keep steering myself in a good direction... kinda like they do with their life's. Why try to change something that doesn't want to be changed... move on is all I can do. I can't change their mind will if they have a wall or mental block... if they care enough love me enough, it will take time... I know I have my JW mom and grandma, and right now that's all I need.
Thanks Blondie! J They like to blame anything that's outside of the JW world they live in... ha right? ;) They could have easily seen in my picture of my son hanging on the wall "Birthday Boy" and said she's sucked into the holidays... the world keeps her busy. Or yes my husband is worldly and probably makes it very hard for me to come to the meetings. Ha Oh well I guess I don't have to worry about what they think anymore!! If I just keep my head out of the love bubble... guilt bubble... whatever bubble they hold on me. I just miss them like I said... I feel it's like two world I crossed and I undertand how they (JW) feel and I understand how my family and husband (nonJW) feels too... it's just crossing the two and being the in between man is very difficult. They both have love in their own way... I just have to learn how to expect the other (JW) and move on with the one I truly wont in my life... that is honestly best for me and my family... It just feels right and I see it now very clearly in the scriptures... not like I did before! True Love, mercy and compassion for all humans.
The elder did leave me a message on my cell to ask for encouragement (not that I was going to get a visit though) and asked if I got their message. I said yes I got the message I just didn't know when it was appropriate to call back. That's when he went into will that's the reason for our visit to see if you needed encouragement to come back to the meetings. Yeah bet man that unexpected visit made me feel like... oh now I know why I got the door slammed in my face... or "Not interested". Lol It does feel kinda intrusive.... But with sympathy and understanding of their ignorance on that part... I welcomed them in. They probably felt embarrassed for me because I was in my PJs.
Thank you so much 3rdgen! Ha Yeah his a good man... I love him. It felt kinda like he scared them away too. ;)
Thank you Gayle! Yes I don't think I spooked them but they did say promptly after I said "I did research of my belief." and they said "well we don't need to get into that now" I wasn't going to but I think they have to make that clear to anyone they suspect has "apostate information". I kinda realize maybe I shouldn't want them back because of the emotional stress it gave me.
{dreaming} But on the other had it was like hey I did live once before I was DFed at age 21 and do have a child hood with friends and family (on the other side that is)... it's kinda like I step out of a different world and they have shut me out. I want to feel connected just not be connected kinda like how we feel with old relatives when we have get-togethers... or as my husband relates... he doesn't want to be close to his cousins but he enjoys getting together during the holidays. That feeling is what I want with my family and friends (just cause we live different lives or have different beliefs).... I'm jealous of my non JW family who never got baptized... they have that. L
Oh well I'm glad I made a life out here that is with a wholesome family and loving relatives of my husband's. And not only that but made a little family of our own that is part of me and my husband, we can share and call our own.
Thank you yesidid! He is truly a wonderful man and I appreciate your kind words.
Thanks wasblind! J
Thank you Compound complex! That's my focus now, my lil family.
Yes your right Billy the Ex-Bethelite! I guess that's true... I just felt an over whelming feeling... maybe guilt... sadness because of what was toward away from me... the feeling of wow they actually came to help me, my elders at my old hall never did this, I had to fend for myself, this just felt more like they truly cared but now I understand this is kinda expected of elders to do in the long run anyways kinda kicked the oh I'm special feeling... so yeah... now I'm back to gee and you had to remind me (I once was a Jehovah's Witness). I just want to move on. Thanks again!
Thanks rebel8! Good point. "the feelings aren't facts"
Kristina1972 ha yeah I guess that's one way of looking at it. ;) If I could say that with a straight face they probably for sure be like ahhh you got it all twisted [apostate thinking] you're not suppose to look at it that way.... Ha I already know because I kinda ranted to my old elders about being shunned and that was their comment... then they showed me some scriptures. It was like my logical thinking was kicking in all in it's own but the brain wash was still there.... (that was like 4 years ago when I was DFed the first time)
Thanks poppers... yeah when they left, my husband and I had the same discussion. He said exactly what you said (laughing inside because yelp that's right)... I kinda rolled my eyes because I think he really does hate my religion and I want him to see both side of the story not just the, oh it's a cult and they brain wash, and have a huge baggage of badness in their mist they like to deny or ignore. I do want him to see this side for sure don't get me wrong but then again I want him to understand their ignorance... the ones that are nice and show concern. Because of his attitude around my family and around will these elders that came by... basically is I don't give a shit what you think because you don't give a shit about my wife end of story. That's how he reasons and that is not at all what I want him to be like. He's distant and standoffish anyways so this just makes it all that worse... I don't give a crap about them and really I want us to live our lives without them. In my mind I feel like they are still a part of me even with the shunning and just obeying orders.... I've told him this and he said fine let them live that way that's them you should have to suffer because of what they believe. His right but still...
Pitchess Co-Gen yeah that's how I felt.
Kudra Thank you so much! J I think I should print your words out and put it on my frig. J
Thanks Flipper! It will take time for sure. I'm glad to have so many here encouraging and helping me through this! It's a blessing! J
Thanks etna!
Awesome Moshe!... Glad I'm not the first to go down this road... I need all the encouragement I need. And it is so so much when I come on here and see what other's go through. I hope one day to have the same confidence that others have brought to the table.... It will take time and more learning or understanding.
Scott77... It's still hard to see where I'm in the light of things (with your thinking of them being wrong and I'm not) because in their eyes I'm in the dark (and they have a hold on me in my heart, people I love and care about what they think of me) and all I have to do is return... but the thing they only have screwed in tight in their heads is this very idea "We ONLY have the truth, the ONLY way God has provide escape from pain suffering and evil. God's loving and merciful but HE is also is Just and steadfast meaning there's no acceptance in committing sin over and over without having consequences and discipline." That idea sends a panic for the people they love and feel are weak and need help... They want to protect that idea and want other people they care about to follow that idea so they can be saved too. End of their logic. Thank you Scott for the support and yes now I see the evilness it truly is for ones to be disfellowshipped... I been disfellowshipped twice so the first time it was hard and all I wanted was to get back in, I was scared and I felt they were right, now being disfellowshipped the second time I began to find that this wasn't fair and God can't really hate me because I love him so and feel so so sorry but I needed my family to help me but I they were not there and just went into a downward path until one day I came on here.
Awww so beautiful rip van winkle!! I will remember this always an yes... I love butterflies since I was a teen... it was actually a symbol to me of freedom. I was very shy and quiet back when I was a teen and moved a lot so didn't really have close friends but one day I told myself I was going to be outgoing and confident. It happened when I hit 21. Now I can take this symbol with this even greater meaning thank you so much!
Thank you LV101!
Nambo yes... Actually they say fear is of God but (like Wizard of OZ) actually man, like you said. And they ask to set a good example because we are representing as God's people... Well I never feared that... What I truly feared was Disfellowshipment, it ment wicked world in my mind... cased out with the evil people and shunned to feel the sham.... I was shy and quiet all my life until I meet this guy that made me feel like a star and had a social fear of always wanting to be looked as the good girl, the smart girl, the sweet girl, nothing more nothing less... I feed off of other peoples reactions to me... SO just the thought of someone not liking me was always a worry to me. I wanted everyone to like me.... DFment was NOT an option and I thought was like death itself. That was my greatest fear.
Very true was blind.
Well said snare&racket! Thank you for your words I will have to say this has helped me a lot in reasoning with my own thoughts again and recognizing what I have come to know has been such a blessing!
Outsmartthesystem... yes well that does make since but if you compare it to other religions in which they have too pointed out their flaws as well as in logically indoctrinate their members... do they have the truth? That is were I find the answer to be the same as the very religion I came from (Jehovah Witnesses), some may have certain parts that make more sense or go in line better with the scripture but they all are flawed. I just reason sometimes I will go along with the rest of the people of the world who try and find a religion and just attend for the part that help draw me closer to God. No, ONE religion has really the truth and thus are man made... but all have the same Goal - moral, good and peaceful... some are stricter and some are to me hypercritical but in all and all I just feel what ever gives me peace and happiness is where I want to maybe be apart of. So as of right now does Jehovah's Witnesses give me peace and happiness if I attended... no. So I don't want to go. Being a member is a whole nother level it would make me joined in with what they believe and stand for and do I want to be a member of what I feel is a corrupt ruling of governing men, NO way! I just wish they didn't treat disfellowshipped differently then nonmembers, it's cruel.
Thank you all for your encouraging words!!
| "...Thank you Scott for the support and yes now I see the evilness it truly is for ones to be disfellowshipped... I been disfellowshipped twice so the first time it was hard and all I wanted was to get back in, I was scared and I felt they were right, now being disfellowshipped the second time I began to find that this wasn't fair and God can't really hate me because I love him so and feel so so sorry but I needed my family to help me but I they were not there and just went into a downward path until one day I came on here..." | |
| Butterflyleia85 |
Well, the truth about the 'truth' is that, the disfellowshiping is crue, inhuman and a complete opposite of love, the very tenent of christian faith to which the Watchtower society of Jehovah's Witnesses claims to profess. Hundrends if not, thousands of humble,God-fearing families have been destroyed and to this day, many continue to suffer. The emotional toll is psychologically devastating. What even more hurtful is that, those GB who make those anti-family policies are themelves childless without normal family to speak of. If those elders who visited you try to return back, please ask them, what and why did they disfellowship you in the first place? Did they treat you as an adult with respect you deserve? Right now, they are powerless, subject to 'begging you to return' as opposed ot the days when you was under their complete control. Once a day, they visited me by surprise at my apt driveway. I was mad but did not speak to them, just drove away leaving them merismerized and in shame.
Scott77
YOU have the power to control you're future. YOU need no validation from anyone but yourself. YOU have to get in touch with your star player. youtube poor lil tink tink... kat williams
