I dont see why people stay in the JWs ?

by snare&racket 25 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  snare&racket

  I really think it is a misconception to say leaving the JW's will destroy you and/or your family.

  Many people here stay as JW's despite posting very opposing views and beliefs. I understand the difficulty of family reprisal. But in reality if you do it right, it just doesnt happen to the extent that WT would like you to fear. Not only that, at what point will you put your hand up and say.. "no i will not allow my children/wife/family be taught that for another moment" or at the very least provide them with an alternate view!

  I have left and have full contact with all my JW relatives. My JW friends have gone, but a small number remain (3). They tell me outright that they dont care what I believe.

  Was it easy to leave? No. Has it always been easy with family? No.... but they are all fine now and they also know where to come with questions! AND.... they do!

  Not only this, because I have left and returned to education, my siblings and their kids have seen how education can improve your life. 3 of them are now entering education and my siblings have reversed the rules on further education for their kids.

  This does not make us saints, it just makes us an opportunity for them to get real answers. I really believe the quicker you leave, the better for your family.
  
  So how to do it? We all know the answer already..... just stop going. Tell them it is for personal reasons you dont want to discuss it. Over time you will be left alone. Even if it takes 3 years... whats the alternative? Being in the same boat in 3 years time but having done 3 years of ministry and meetings!?

  Ok some will certainly lose family etc if they were to leave. But is this really a good reason to live a lie? If you are right and the JW's are nothing but BS.... it means that this is our one life on earth.... do you want to spend it on the ministry and in meetings,living a lie? Or do you want to spend it advocating the truth to the people you love within the JW's?

  I thought it was an easy decision. But then I know how easy it is to be wrong for a long time.

  I guess I just dont understand sticking it out in a sham religion that does sooooo much harm. I am sure some Nazi soldiers did terrible things in order to protect their family or loved ones, but this is not right! Just as someone going door to door, spreading lies to other people and families is wrong, even if it means you get to not cause a rift in your own family !

  Am I really alone in these thoughts?

  Mamba x

  Ps I really mean no offence, I just dont see the grey area with this issue.
• 

  konceptual99

  I don't know that you can call it the same way for everyone.

  Firstly, it will take different people different amounts of time to do what research they want to do and get to an inner acceptance that the conclusions they come to are worth making a stand for.

  Secondly, the family and social situations will be different for different people. Some will have less ties than others. Some ties may be harder to break or perhaps the threat of shunning on even a fade is high. If married then the spouse may be anywhere on a scale of going out alongside with the person right to so upset it breaks up a marriage.

  Thirdly, the attitude to simply stopping regardless of consequences or trying to plan a slow fade will be different and therefore the timings will vary.

  Finally, some may simply take the view that fully leaving is simply not worth it and they can continue as witnesses on the sidelines. Perhaps they see less harm in it than you do?
• 

  King Solomon

  The reason is because everyone finds themselves in a unique position, where YMMV (your mileage may vary) from others.

  Some people are in hard-core extreme JW families, with extended networks on both sides, business entanglements, facing shunning plus disinheritance, etc. Others are unbaptized kids with divorced parents (one JW, one "Worldly") where the non-JW parent is well-off and would disinherit if they DON'T leave JWs, etc.

  Point being, this is NOT a "one size fits all" situation.
• 

  breakfast of champions

  To be honest, my wife's reaction to my 'coming out' was far better than I ever would have imagined. . . but then again we have a pretty special relationship.
• 

  snare&racket

  Just to clarify, I am talking about people that KNOW it is not true.

  Inheritance? ....... How much is wasting your life worth? How much is your conscience, your morals worth? How much is your self respect worth?

  As for how much you have invested... I was a pioneer, then a bethelite being groomed towards wanting to be a CO. All of my family were JW's when I stopped.

  Now i have left I have managed to help my sister and her children out.

  I mean..ok....If you dont believe it but decide to go and sit with your head down, with no ministry, no role in the cong, no giving talks... I can see how you could do that in regards to your conscience even if it costs you your life years.

  But to give answers, talks, advice (as an elder/MS) or give instruction from the platform, then go door to door to non-believers .... all whilst knowing it is not true..... that I cant condone, especially if you are allowing the people you love, your children, your siblings, your parents to be lied to also. (especially if the motive is an inheritance )

  Mamba x
• 

  King Solomon

  SNR said:

  Just to clarify, I am talking about people that KNOW it is not true.

  Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Why do you think they encourage "safeguarding your heart" so heavily? It's best to NOT ask those questions if you're an active JW, as you may not like what conclusions the questioning leads to....

  I dare say many more JWs have contemplated that it IS a lie, but they also look around and understand that publicly admitting it would be instant grounds for DF, and extremely costly for them... I have relatives where their entire business would go down the drain, in a heartbeat: you don't build up a business over 30 yrs, with JW partners and customers, prestige in the congregation as an Elder, and then throw it all away because you wake up and realize your beliefs are a sham. It just doesn't happen that often. For one, there's too many people invested into perpetuating the lie for it to happen.

  There's an old saying: the hardest fact for a man to accept is one that directly threatens his livelihood and his family's survival....

  The good news for you was that you had little to sacrifice, coming out of Bethel and pioneering: you likely didn't have two nickels to rub together, which WAS their downfall. People who don't have much also have little to lose by walking away....
• 

  00DAD

  I gotta' disagree most strongly!

  I left three years ago and NEITHER of my sons, 18 and 21, will talk to me specifically because of the WT policy of shunning.

  Maybe your experience is different, but CLEARLY many, many people have suffered a great deal of pain and heartache due to the destructive to family policies and practices of Jehovah's Witness.

  00DAD
• 

  snare&racket

  00DAD....

  Are you not doing the right thing still though? I did not deny that some may lose people they love. But now you are teaching your children that freedom of thought is right, that questioning is right and that what the WT is doing is wrong !
  
  Also you are now providing a source for them if they are to ever seek an alternate view!

  I have no doubt it is impossibly difficult. Do you consider returning and living the lie for their contact? Do they have children?

  As for King Solomons comments, I had much to lose, I dont value money over my family. In my mind I risked the most valuble thing I had and have. But it was still the right thing to do. Money cant be a good reason to stand by the WT, thats how they think !
• 

  LongHairGal

  SNARE&RACKET:

  You are right. It is about other things as well. Many people there who spent most, if not all, of their lives there just do not fit in anywhere else. This is all they KNOW and, of course, they are going to cling to it. To those who are heavily invested and have whole networks of friends and even business associates, it is their whole world! Don't discount that old fear and guilt either!

  The reason it was easier for me to "fade" is because I was not raised a JW and never gave up my job and didn't have many friends. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for somebody else.
• 

  fakesmile

  because it is so much easier to be told how and what to think instead of doing it for yourself. mentally lazy. also fear of death seems to be a big one. the idea of some awesome afterlife appeals to many.