Ex JW Support Group - any suggestions?

by Beck_Melbourne 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • Beck_Melbourne
    Beck_Melbourne

    Hi All

    I just thought I'd put this to the multitude and invite your suggestions or some feedback, as I am thinking about forming a support group for Ex JW people in my area. My motive is based on my own experience when exiting the borg...and how isolated and lonely I felt when I left. I was lucky enough to have one family member who had left the borg a few years before me. However, there are some out there who have no one....and they are leaving behind family and friends like we all did.

    I ask all of you...where did u go?? Who did you turn to?? Would you have contacted a support group if you knew one existed? No doubt some of you had an Ex JW relative or two, or maybe understanding worldly friends. Some of you may have done it hard...and had on one. I would like to be there for those who have no one..even if it is just to have a chat and say 'hey its going to be okay'.

    Please...some ideas guys. Thanks in advance.

    Beck

  • Introspection
    Introspection

    Well I found out about this local group after the fact (long after) but someone here may be able to help you out. I haven't been too involved lately because it seems to focus on the pathology more than the healing, but you can check out their site, maybe post on that board and stuff:

    http://pweb.jps.net/~xjwsfbay/

  • Beck_Melbourne
    Beck_Melbourne

    Thanks so much Introspection...I am going in for a look at that site right now. Cheers.

    Beck

  • Celtic
    Celtic

    Dear Beck Melbourne

    Well done!! Excellent initiative you are showing in trying to put this together.

    For 5 years after leaving, I spent near enough in complete isolation trying to work out all of the issues, this included having two full on nervous breakdowns, this board in that manner, has helped me to realise that indeed I was not alone in coming to the conclusions I was drawing, in other words, I wasn't going as insane as I at once thought I was.

    Tell me please, if you need any contacts for funding to put your support board together and I'll see if I can put together the relavant information for you.

    Kindest regards

    Mark
    http://www.can-online.org.uk
    Independent UK think tank on issues surrounding social exclusion and community regeneration - Community Action Network

    [email protected]

    PS I have put this suggestion also to one of the founders of CAN, so that internationally, those who would like to avail themselves the opportunity of meeting up, even if they are barred on costs / expenses grounds. I'll try to get some further information out of the Network for Social Change, a UK government body, if that would help you at all.

  • refiners fire
    refiners fire

    Beck.
    Hey! Can I come to your group?
    I got heaps of old WT material here, if anyone wants it.

  • Dutchie
    Dutchie

    Hi Beck: Its takes a great spirit and a lot of courage to implement the plan that you are suggesting. Before I found the internet there was an older sister who had been disfellowshipped that I turned to. But she had been disfellowshipped for "conduct unbecoming a christian". I never found out what that was but she was someone who could sort of understand my dilemna. However, I can see the value of a "live" support group where everyone gets together regularly and shares their experiences. I bet great friendships can come about as a result of such a group. Will you serve refreshments? Best of luck to you.

  • Farkel
    Farkel

    Black_Melbourne,

    There have been ex-JW support groups for at least a dozen years on the internet. You may want to start your own, but you may want to join a few others, too. There are people who have years of experience in such matters you could use as resources if you are willing to take the time to seek them out.

    But maybe you were well aware of that. I don't know. I just know that you've only been posting here a few weeks, and I thought I would mention it for your benefit.

    Farkel

  • anewperson
    anewperson

    Melbourne, thanks for offering to help people. This may help you:

    ---------
    Common sources of support for people in general as well as persons traumatically exiting a religious situation in particular are government-sponsored Social Services and in some communities various churches. So you may begin by contacting those two sources and ask what kinds of assistance they already offer, if any, that would be helpful for exiting persons, and write down what they say as well as the names of their representatives, their phone numbers and emails for easy reference.

    After discovering what they already offer you will know better what kind of other support is needed. In general, though, someone who has been kicked out of their home over religious differences may be in need of not only some kind words of hope and encouragement, but also some short term material support.

    For example a kicked-out JW (or Mennonite etc) may need a toothbrush, walked through how to set up and keep their own bank account, temporary shelter if not in a home then at least by being allowed to park and live in a car by your home, etc.

    The emotional and spiritual components should also not be ignored.

    Insofar as the emotional goes, it may be better to not tell them to talk about what happened so much as to offer examples from your own experience or that of others, then "if" they want to reveal things they will feel freer to do so.

    Some people do not want to talk about it and for them that may be the best way to cope, whether you agree and like it or not. Those who do talk may not simply talk but vent anger and frustrations. Decide in advance if you yourself are emotionally strong enough to hear it.

    If not, then gently let them know upfront that you are there to help them, but unfortunately not able to bear hearing a lot of negativity that may cause yourself discomfort or flashbacks. Be prepared to suggest either a trained a counselor or, after you have done this for a while, someone whom you know from experience has been able to hear such venting in the past.

    Spiritually it is normally not wise to try to convert an exited person to your own beliefs or you will probably be resented as a parasite trying to prey on them in a time of depression. Instead emphasize that you wish to assist regardless of what they do or do not believe.

    You may mention (if such applies) that you still read the Bible and are a Christian, or they may be able to easily figure that out on their own from seeing publications etc which you may have. Also on their own they may or may not ask about your beliefs, which if any church you attend or would recommend and the like.

    Depending on the individual and their situation, they may or may not immediately or later appreciate an offer to sit and enjoy reading or hearing a few scriptures with you in a non- or trans-denominational manner. But, again, above all, don't be pushy but rather be available.

    As a Support Group person, you are offering to act as a friend, not a Church Group converter. If however you feel you must emphasize the need to convert exited persons to your own religious beliefs, or in fact are a Preacher, Minister, Priest or other clergy person, then you need to make that gently but clearly known from the beginning to be honest to both yourself and those whom you seek to help.

    You will need to advertise the fact that you exist. On bulletin boards, in brief newspaper ads etc you can give a further contact telephone number and or email. The key (note carefully) is to advertise regularly.

    If you speak with a person over the telephone you can tell much about them so as to determine how best to help them.

    For example, an agitated person who has just exited may contact you while high on drugs or alchohol, and you may see that it would not be best to then tell them they can come stay in your own home for a few days where they might pose a threat to yourself or other family members. Having the needed names, phone numbers and addresses ready, you can get such a person help from a social service or at least postpone speaking and meeting them in-person until later when they are more sober. On the other hand, the person may and indeed probably will be very upset but clearly pose no danger and you might be able to immediately and personally do more for them.

    Your sometimes having to refer people to professional does not diminish your own role as a person who actually was in the same religious group. Indeed your insights may prove crucial, even life-saving for you may be able to get through to and positively help those who feel severely crushed and depressed in such a way that someone who has a PhD in counseling but was a never a member could not. Still, know when to involve a professional.

    Even if never formally trained as a counselor then by attending free or inexpensive training sessions or talking to the experts and reading whatever they may offer, you may be able to learn a lot, for example, how to recognize if a person has suffered a mental break-down, is clinically depressed, etc. Indeed, with time you might even decide to become certified as a professional.

    Regardless, try to be realistic and flexible and also become progressively knowledgeable so as to help more and more persons who are survivors of abusive religion.
    --------

    Melbourne, I am part of the internet Free Christians movement which offers a free newsletter (Free Christians News) on the Bible, relgion, science, health etc and for those wanting it also new spiritual fellowship based on LOVE rather than forced sameness of beliefs.

  • Kep
    Kep

    Beck,
    I think that is a great idea and obviously one that can be beneficial to the newly departed.
    As many of us have experienced it can be a hard road to travel and having this board has been of help.
    As some have mentioned it could be a rather daunting task, and yet we know how it feels to be out in the cold.
    I would like to do something similar, but time is something I don't have and so I have a few close exJW friends I associate with.
    I hope you can arrange something and use the suggestions already posted.
    Good on ya !!
    Kep

  • Beck_Melbourne
    Beck_Melbourne

    Thanks for your suggestions guys. Kep, Celtic and anewperson...I have done a fair bit of research already and I feel quite positive about it. I know my brother has also been helping others who have left the borg...and he has a great attitude which has affected me to a degree. About 12 months ago I met a lady who was DF under similar circumstances to my own...she is my age..and has kids the same age as mine...and we were both 3rd gen witnesses married to elders....and after meeting her I realised how nice it was to have friends again. So why not channel what we have been lucky enough to find...and see if others can benefit from it. Thanks again for your suggestions...I am taking it all on board...and will continue reading as much as I can. Refiners...what a lovely offer...old WT material...how useful NOT lol.

    Farkel...I did say in my area...not in Seattle!! I do think you are right though...I should join a group first. I did however contact a group here in my city...but they were only interested in disrupting the next JW circuit assembly and things like that. If that is what they want to do...then that's cool with me...its just not what I am about. I am for the new exiter...the one who wants to walk into a moving train...the one who sits at home with no friends and is wondering 'why me?'...the one who thinks they are a freak in society because they don't have life skills for the outside world. I do welcome your suggestions...even if I have only been posting for a 'few' meaningless weeks. But thank you for responding to an idiot new poster like me.

    Thanks one and all.

    Beck

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