by Cagefighter 19 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
Sorry for the double post- won't let me edit.
It's ridiculous the abuse that goes on. You were a kid that was taken advantage of by an older woman. Just consider abuse stories of teachers and their young students. Doesn't matter that they were willing- those kids were still minors.
The WTS promotes multiple abuses- the perpetrator abuses the victim, the elders abuse the victim with their JCs, and then the victim's family and the rest of the congo abuse the victim by shunning.
Cagefighter, thank you for sharing your very personal thoughts and feelings about your abuse. It's sometimes a difficult realization, especially when young that your parents are not perfect people. For any child to grow up without a sense of being able to trust the people we love the most, and who are supposed to love us the most , is never easy. I do understand.
And you are right, society does not look at male sexual abuse the same as a female. You were not only physically taken advantage of by an adult woman, but emotionally. You were the child. It doesn't matter if you had sexual feelings-it is still ABUSE and not your fault. And then to be subjected to the questionings by a JC was pouring salt on an open wound.
I'm sorry for the shame you have had to endure for something that you had no control over.
To me, when someone can speak up and not be "The Keeper of Secrets" (the name I called myself for many years), then that's half the battle. You are a courageous person and I admire your candor. I'm sure that your experience and your fight to not to give up will help others.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other... I wish you all the best.
Cagefighter, that's quite a story. Thanks for sharing.
You certainly seem to have done a lot of the hard work, but obviously quite a bit yet remains ahead.
You didn't mention if the "older woman" was also a JW or how old she was. I kind of get the feeling that she wasnt' a JW or you probably would have mentioned that. It also seems like she was an adult and not just a slightly older teenage girl.
There is not doubt that the basic arrangement of the judicial process among JWs creates a situation that can easily become abusive. That is it's nature. It is highly flawed. Add to that mix unqualified men and you've got a recipe for disaster.
I'm glad you see that your parents are good and can separate the basic nature from their behavior as a result of the cult, mind-control of the WTBTS.
Keep healing, keep sharing. You're obviously a fighter, and now you're out of the WT cage. Enjoy your freedom!
00DAD
Thanks everyone again, my first appointment is tommorrow and writing this out will help me explain exactly what my issue is.
OODAD, yes she was not a JW. She was an adult (late 20's) and a housewife with kids. I was a horny kid and she started off letting me download porn and watching it with me. Then it progressed from there. I usually initiated, but she liked to stay and watch. I think at some point it started to bother her and she would start to leave the room.
I still don't feel I was traumatized by what happened with her, even though it was wrong and inappropriate. When it was exposed instead of having people around that "lovingly" could correct me and investigate why I reached out to her and not someone my own age, I was slammed. That was the trauma. My parent's and the KH did more damage than she could have ever done. Ironic.
I had some other problems too, fights at school, acting out, etc... I never reached out to any counselors or teachers at school because they were "worldly and could not be trusted". I see that as a form of abuse too. If I had a kid now, I would tell them if you can't tell me tell someone at school, a friend, a teacher, anyone. The isolation was horrible. All I could do was endure the suspensions, teacher conferences, and take all the blame.
-CF
This older lady was a JW? What happened to her?
Cagefighter, that clarifies things a lot.
You're absolutely right about the isolation being another form of abuse. It is.
I'm a High School teacher in California. We spend a great deal of time finding various ways to reach out to students that are in crisis and letting them know that we are there for them. If you can't talk to one particular teacher or counselor, find one you can. Find a fellow student, a friend or a friend's parent. Find someone. You are not alone.
Sadly we cannot reach all young people, but we have made a positive difference in many young peoples' lives.
In contrast, the WTBTS deliberately isolates its member from non-JWs as much as possible. There a several reasons they do this, but ultimately its all about control. When an abused individual has no where else to go, they will almost always return to the abuser. It's the classic co-dependent relationship.
It takes great personal strength for an abused individual to confront the abuser, to refuse to tolerate their wrong behavior any longer and be an enabler and to distance and/or separate themselves from that relationship. In a one-on-one abusive relationship this is certainly true, how much more so in the intricate web of relationships created by JW culture.
When someone wants to get away from the abusive control of the WT they are held hostage by the threat of losing all their other relationships: family and friends. This is especially devastating for those that have tried to be good, little JWs because they will not have much, if any, outside relationships with non-JW family or friends from work, school or what have you. Again, this isolation from non-JWs is deliberate and by design on the part of the abuser, the WTBTS.
It's important that we learn to recognize, respect and demand that others respect our own personal boundaries.
A few days ago I started a thread on this subject. Rather than repeating what I said there, I'd encourage you to check it out and consider the comments from others on this subject:
I think you'll find it helpful!
00DAD
Ya I read and commented on that thread. Keep doing good work OODAD. My h.s. counselor sucked and talked about me in the third person repeatedly calling me a "man child" in a conference with my parents and the kid I got in a fight with and his folks.
A week later she wanted me to come to her office and "talk". It was just more of a short lecture and covering her ass. She didn't even try and draw me out (like I would have talked after the way she acted in the conference). That was 20 years ago and I still remember that. She was incompetent. I moved after 10th grade to the next state. I almost did not graduate because she never sent my transcripts in 2 years. They finally just gave me a diploma and said c-ya.
I was a born-in, so even though I was miserable I thought that was better than opening up to someone on the outside that might have talked some sense into my folks or given me hope.
My mom still blames a cool teacher I had my senior year for me leaving the JW's. He never said a thing against the JW's he was just a lonely recently divorced guy that liked talking to me. All his other students were lower classmen and we had cool conversations about Asia, Buddhism, etc. Which was appropiate as he was a World Civ teacher. He was appreciatiative to have someone interested in what he was talking about, I liked having someone I could chat with that wasn't a zombie. We never discussed my religion at all. Maybe he knew, maybe he didn't. Either way that lil bit of humanity went a long way for confidence and self-esteem. I knew I would not be at home much longer and I wanted all the knowlege about the outside world I could get. Mankind's search for God book was my favorite JW book.
CF: Either way that lil bit of humanity went a long way for confidence and self-esteem. I knew I would not be at home much longer and I wanted all the knowlege about the outside world I could get.
The WTBTS knows this and that is why it scares them so much. They realize how fragile their hold is on some of us.
Good for you!
00DAD
BTW, thanks for commenting on the Boundaries thread. It was four days ago so I forgot!
Cagefighter, I apologize how you were treated and abused by Jehovah's Witnesses at age 14. The similar thing happened to my child. The Judicial Committee made the situation bad to catastrophic in our case. How can I even describe all the heartache and suffering that we've gone through as a result of heartless JC's abusive action! I was foolish enough to let my child go through JWs elders' abusive JC. I finally put my foot down on the JC upon witnessing their inhumane behavior to a 14 year-old. (my child was 14 as yourself). I wrote the JC a letter and let them know they were bunch of monstrous interrogators. I eventually got disfellowshipped for depending and assisting my abused child.
You were slammed and wronged by JWs when in fact you were a victim of child sexual abuse. She exploited a child with pornography and engaged in illegal sexual activity to a minor. It doesn't matter whether you had time of your life or not. You can't be both perpetrator and victim, period! You were a innocent victim. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Would you have done it to a 14 as an adult in her age? No way! She is a sick pedophile and yet you were blamed in part for her crime. You should had been given all the support and assistance to heal and move on with your life.
Best wishes to you in getting professional help. If and when you are ready, criminal and/or civil justice would be another step of process in taking your power back.
Several different methods and opinions on healing.
http://www.malesurvivor.org/myths.html
http://www.malesurvivor.org/docs/2012conferencematerial.pdf
http://1in6.org/the-1-in-6-statistic/
An ex psychologist remarked to me a year ago," that psychotherapy never solved anything; that EFT was the answer and it was fast."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_Freedom_Techniques
