New Line of JW Greeting Cards

ofcmad

Yep.. shortly is to be released is a series of an all occassion greeting card set for the JW's:

For the d'fd in your family:

"I wanted to let you know,
I am shunning you for good,
But I don't wanna lose my place,
Amongst the brotherhood..."

Or for the d'ad:
"You had to read your bible,
Now your on your own,
I won't be calling you no more,
So now your all alone."

Or for those constant changes in doctrine:

"Didn't you hear the news?(Front cover)
(inside) The __(fill in the blank)_______ doctrine has now been modified"

Or for the recently baptized:

"It's great to hear the news..
You recently got wet..
If you don't follow us..
You should begin to sweat.."

Okay.. so these arent great.. these are the ones you will probably use last..

OFCMAD

Dutchie

Hilarious!

Simon

lol !

orangefatcat

two thumbs up. cool!!

Gopher

Here's a card a JW would send you on your birthday:

We know it's your BIRTHDAY,
But we won't celebrate it
Another year you've been in the world
And all we do is hate it!

So go ahead and have your cake
And try to eat it, too
The fact is Armageddon's coming,
And that's too bad for you!

-J.R.

The preceding post was not evaluated by any mental health professionals.
The opinions expressed are those of a fuzzy, cuddly rodent.

taoInitiate

Or for marriage:

I hear you just got married,
It's until death you part.
For J-dubs this means forever,
Wonder why you'd even start?

But let me tell you a secret,
of how to cut the ties.
Just say your partner fornicated,
Even if it's a tissue of lies.

Get on the elders' good sides,
And suck up to 'em quick
If you're a guy you can dump your wife,
And grab some other chick.

taoInit

"The limit of the unlimited is called 'fullness.'
The limitlessness of the limited is called 'emptiness'." - Chuang Tzu

BoozeRunner

Whats the card company called-
Kingdumb Hallmark?

Heres one for SLACKER pioneers:

You failed to make your hours,
For the recently ended year.
If you want to stay in full-time service,
Get your butt in gear!!!

Boozy

or

It's a good day for Field Service,

I'll greet you at the door with my gun, feel nervous!

or

Congratulations for becoming a JW!

May I have your house, property, smurf dolls and college savings account?

TR

I hold it to be the inalienable right of anybody to go to hell in his own way.
--Robert Frost, 1935