What I am most ashamed of......... (page 2)

irondork

Xanthippe: Where is that scripture?

Mathew 26:6-13 and John 12:1-7

Like Coffee said, My dad got sick with cancer, and was greatly helped by a hospice charity. I let my JW mum know that i was supporting that particular charity by buying a years subscription to their weekly lottery. I could tell she was squirming inside. Here was I, doing something which would get me DF, but I was 'obviously' harming no-one with my actions, but helping. I've done numerous fundraising for charity, but honestly, that one little thing gave me a bigger buzz, knowing that in the process I'd got a dub thinking.

At first, when I got out, i went a bit crazy with fundraising...being pushed by guilt and self-loathing. Soon you'll end up like the rest of us and just feel good about yourself and life in general. It takes a little time...

Xanthippe

Irondork - thanks.

Old light - thanks for your input. I have actually been out over twenty years but I take your point, we should be enjoying life now and feeling good about ourselves. I meant that instead of pioneering for ten years because I truly believed people around me were going to die, I wish I'd been allowed to put my hand in my pocket when I saw babies dying of hunger on my TV screen. Without feeling that I was making Jehovah unhappy because I should have been giving it to his faithfull and discreet slave for the preaching work.

I don't thnk I'm motivated by guilt and self-loathing to do my one morning of voluntary work a week -but I could be wrong. I've been wrong before

Found Sheep

You have been out for 20 and still have that shame

No let it go! I felt it leave after reading books on cult control. We were vicims

Xanthippe

Yes Found Sheep you're right they really did a number on me. I am a very sensitive person. But is has really helped to talk about it on this site. Especially as I think other people might feel the same who are still victims.

Found Sheep

I understand and I'm sure we have ALL had the feeling of shame. Shame of believeing, helping others believe, shunning others......

Sometimes I write something on here and get lots of "i agree" other times I get "it will get better FS" all and all we understand how you are feeling we just don't want you to feel that shame

oldlightnewshite

Yeah, Xanthippe, I remember Band Aid in the 80's. I felt really frustrated and sick to my stomach about not being able to contribute. It's like the mere act of trying to support that charity meant you didn't have confidence in Jah's imminent kingdom. I totally get you... when I think back, there's nothing I can do about my inaction, some of those poor souls might have lived had I donated my paper round money.

I very frequently feel guilt and self loathing for one reason or another. A nice scar left me by WTB$.

Muddy Waters

I've often felt that way as well... the WTS is NOT charitable in any way. Even when they say they help people in times of natural disasters, the organization is still NOT putting up its own money. They instead take up a contribution from the various congregations (usually the closest ones to the natural disaster) and use those monies (and then pocket the over-flow).

Then they print a nice article in their WT or Awake saying how wonderful they are in such a time of need.

coffee_black

Xanthippe, Dad died of kidney failure in 1978. Mom died a year earlier of a rare form of cancer.

Coffee

Xanthippe

Coffee - I have sent you a personal message

Xanthippe

What I am most ashamed of.........

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