As a born in, one of my earliest thoughts has always been jehovah has an angel that writes down everything in a big book, all the good things that happen to me/others and everything bad that happens to me/others. I faithfully and honestly believed that.
In March of this year I read C of C. By 5 AM the next morning I was out. 24 hours before, a true, steadfast believer. 5 AM out. These past 6 months have been a whirl of: house for sale, finding another place, packing, unpacking, adjusting, lawyers, court, seeing abusive husband in court, alimony, new neighbors, finding this board...making the best new friends here. : )
But last week, there were so many funny posts, (I laughed like I hadn't in years) that you helped me get to a safe place where I felt/feel I could finally take the final skelton out of my closet.
Incest in my family. Mucho pictures being taken. My brother and I not willing participants. My sister more than willing. She was always treated like a princess. My bro and I, beat up. I had hoped as a child I was adopted and hoped they would come pick me up but in the meantime 'Hovah was watching and He would take care of them but good.
Then comes March. I read "a" book, just one, I know what I read is true. Six months rush/roll by. Last week, my mind makes the connection, my parents are not going to get any come-up-ence. No conquences. They are dead. Just dead. All my brave smiles, hiding, denying what went on in our home, my parents and only sisters shameful conduct, my never saying anything because Jehovah would take care of it, was all for naught.
The Brother I loved, my mom and sister made me break my engagement to him. Years later, the week before I married the bro my mother wanted me to marry, I told mom, no, I don't like him. I won't marry him. Mom swung back and gave me a black eye. Walking up the aisle, in a wedding dress, smiling, I thought somebody, please do something, I need help. That night, after he quickly, finished, I, didn't get anything, still technically a virgin, it was that quick, not even a kiss. I said, this is what I waited for, I could have gotten df'ed, for that? "Shut up and go to sleep. I'm tired". He went to sleep. I thought I have the keys to the car. Should I go home? His family is in my room. I cried myself to sleep.
I have been silent, smiling my whole life, acting normal. I trusted Jehovah to straighten things out in his own due time. Wait on Jehovah. It is/was all a sham. My parents should have gone to prison. The servants/elders my mom slept with should have been Df'ed. The pedophile my mom willingly brought into the home to entertain/terrorize me, should have been Df'ed and gone to prison. All of these people, I saw at the Hall, assemblies, giving talks, at parties.
My sister, the Princess, star in my parents porno productions, is still very much JW active along with her husband a MS. She has contacted me thru another relative, that she wants nothing to do with me, I guess because life got to hard for me and I became inactive?
My parents died a few years ago. Kingdom Hall funeral. People milling around my sister, giving her love and support at her home where they served a pot luck meal (I saw pictures). It wasn't possible for me to go to either one. My father died on a cruise. They put him in "storage" and then had him cremated when he came into his home port. My sister called and told me that they cremated dad that AM. He had already been dead 2 weeks. She knew when he died, but didn't bother to tell me. Mom and her and dad had kept best buds all these decades. Two months after dad dies, mom died, alone in her sleep. On moms memorial card, my sister wrote "--cy ---tey died her way, surrounded by friends and family". No. The worldly neighbor came over to check up on her and found her cold and stiff. I just happened to call mom that very AM and the worldly neighbor picked up the phone and told me my mom was dead and she had found her.
I want to THANK THE BOARD, all of my "new brothers and sisters" that are keeping closer to me than my own blood sister. You have helped me out of the tunnel into the light. You understand my thinking, that Jehovah will repay, naught. I feel good about myself. As Scarlett O'Hara said, "Tomorrow is another day". It is just another beautiful day, not one day closer to Armegeddon.