Do they think we are going to say I told you so?

by Xanthippe 11 Replies latest watchtower bible

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  Xanthippe

  Apart from the obvious reasons of being afraid of dying at Armageddon, being afraid of losing their JW family by being shunned, I wonder what people think of why those who know the organization has become so corrupt don't leave.

  Do you think that some feel that they would rather get old and die in that religion than come out and have to admit to their family who are already out that they were wrong? Do they think that we are going to say - I told you so?

  I'm wondering because there is just so little compassion in that religion now so do they think we would have no compassion for them if they left? Have they been conditioned to think there really aren't any caring people anywhere, so why not just stay where they are for family and perhaps social reasons - like any other church?

  How can we get it through to them that if they left we would be overjoyed for their own sake, so that they can be free and really start living? We would use all of our experience of building a life outside of the Watchtower organization to help and support them. I wonder if they don't think that is possible after they have shunned us, some of us for decades?
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  King Solomon

  Interesting question....

  MOST people cannot admit to being wrong over even minor matters, and they certainly would avoid having to think that they've been wrong over such a MAJOR detail like having wasted their entire lives being hood-winked into volunteer work. And since hope springs eternal (as does denial), they're up against a major psychological barrier to overcome.

  How can we get it through to them that if they left we would be overjoyed for their own sake, so that they can be free and really start living? We would use all of our experience of building a life outside of the Watchtower organization to help and support them. I wonder if they don't think that is possible after they have shunned us, some of us for decades?

  By using the EXACT OPPOSITE approach used by JWs when they shun, i.e. offering non-judgment support, the joy you experience in your life by being in control of it, and trying to get them to focus on not what was LOST, but what they GAIN by separating. Focusing on how EVIL the WT is, etc, is TOXIC bitterness that drips out the pores, and is ultimately pointless: it actually impedes progress and stifles their further personal growth.

  At some point, people have to OWN their emotional state: you may NOT have caused it, but you lose personal empowerment to CONTROL it if you don't take RESPONSIBILITY of your own life and happiness. Teaching that principle to people is a BIGGIE, but really the whole point: you can leave the cult, but have to leave it behind in your mind, as well, to move beyond it....
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  blondie

  Better the devil they know than the devil they don't. It is also why many abused women stay with their abuser. And being in the WTS is religious abuse.

  Idiom Definitions for 'Better the devil you know'

  ---

  This is the shortened form of the full idiom, 'better the devil you know than the devil you don't', and means that it is often better to deal with someone or something you are familiar with and know, even if they are not ideal, than take a risk with an unknown person or thing.
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  LostGeneration

  I don't think they are afraid of being told off. They want to be the ones who said "I told you so" to the whole world.

  They are so "invested" so to speak. Like and investor who buys a stock that just goes down ever so slowly, there just isn't enough pain (monetary loss) to sell the stock. So they keep holding it, waiting for it to come back.

  Few will ever admit they were wrong. They don't want to admit they wasted month after month, year after year, even decades following a false prophet.

  So they wait, and wait, and wait. They try to keep the prophet happy by giving their time and money, in the hope that one day their prophet's words come true and their evil God kills off everyone, handing the earth off to the loyal ones on a silver platter.

  Have they been conditioned to think there really aren't any caring people anywhere, so why not just stay where they are for family and perhaps social reasons - like any other church?

  This is the other big part of it, fear of everyone else, like they are all rapists, pornographers, and murderers. Its that old bullshit line "happiest people on earth" The WT says it enough, over and over, that they actually don't see a happier life outside.
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  irondork

  LostGeneration: They want to be the ones who said "I told you so" to the whole world.

  It's all about vindicating themselves before mankind. The try to sell it as a vindication of God's name, but always, ALWAYS attach themselves to the process as the organization who will accomplish this vindication work.

  [Jehovah’s Witnesses—Proclaimers of God’s Kingdom chap. 12 p. 159]

  The Watch Tower of July 1889 explained: “We are his [Jehovah’s] representatives in the earth; the honor of his name is to be vindicated in the presence of his enemies and before many of his deceived children; his glorious plan is to be published broadcast in opposition to all the worldly-wise schemes which men are and have been trying to invent.”
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  Xanthippe

  Irondork - I found your comment really interesting. They do talk endlessly about vindicating Jehovah's name don't they and now I see that they want to be vindicated desperately! They have been treated as fools by the 'world' for years and as you say Lost Generation, they want to say we told you so to the whole world. Rather sad really to want to say, we told you so, it's time for you to be destroyed by God!

  Blondie, so if the Devil they know is preferable because we are the unknown factor, how can we let them know who we are now and offer non-judgemental support and talk about the joy in our lives as you say, King Solomon, if they shun us like my family do? I only see my family at funerals.

  So I have been thinking for a few days after reading your comments and I want to ask, do you think it is a good idea to write to family or friends and let them know about our lives now and that we are non-judgemental about their life choices?

  Something to the effect of 'I respect your choices (or we could say we respect their right to choose if we couldn't manage that!) Also that we are always here if they ever change their minds about us and want to contact us.

  Have you tried anything like that? If so, what happened?
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  irondork

  Xanthippe: do you think it is a good idea to write to family or friends and let them know about our lives now and that we are non-judgemental about their life choices

  I don't see how it could possibly hurt. People wake up and respond to outside stimuli all the time. My roommate did. Her girlfriend still in the congregation seems to be, very slowly. It does work. However, in the same way most alcoholics never make it, most attempts like the one you're proposing tend to fall on deaf minds. Doesn't mean it's not worth a try, it just means you should guard your emotions for the very real possibility of failure.

  Their failure, not yours.
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  Fernando

  This adds an interesting dimension to a complex problem, Xanthippe!
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  Xanthippe

  irondork: I agree there is a real possibility of me putting a lot of emotional energy in to it and not getting a single reply. Every family is different but I think I know mine pretty well. I like your thoughts about alcoholism. Some ways of life are addictive too, even when we know they are hurting us. Thanks, I will give it some more thought.
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  Phizzy

  I think with a number of older ones who have been in for decades it is a combination of the "Sunk Cost" mentality and pride. They have invested all their lives in something that is a scam, to admit that , and say in effect "I am just the biggest fool" takes courage and humility.

  Something we have done.

  The rewards of acknowledging TTATT are just awesome, freedom previously undreamed of, self -respect, and many good, true friends who have travelled the same road.

  The cowardly and dishonest, even if that dishonesty is only to themselves, who stay in the Borg are simply waiting for a 'bus that will never arrive.