Should i tell him what is really going on with me? I care about him so much.

by make yourself 17 Replies latest social relationships

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  lil.lady.03

  If he truely cares for you, he will be understanding. He may not totally understand the FULL MENTAL context of what it is like being a JW, but he will be a shoulder to lean on. And I highly doubt he'll be overwhelmed. Most "wordlies" don't give a rat's a$$ about JWs and their beliefs. Not in a rude way, but they honestly don't put as much importance on it as the society makes JWs blieve.

  I know for myself, with my own fade, I would not have been able to do it if my boyfriend at the time was not such a great listener. I told him I felt as if I was using him as a crutch, but really he was lifesaver. It took so much of me just to open up and get out of my own head. I was paranoid about a lot of things. Sometimes he would chuckle and giggle, or straight out laugh at some of the things I was so serious about. That would make me so mad, but then again it helped me realize just how silly being a JW is and was, and the things I was paranoid about really didn't hold any merritt.

  Tell him the truth. You'll probably feel a great relief after you are done being open and honest with him.

  Good Luck and Happy Fading!
• 

  thinking_not_believing

  This post brings back old memories... some of which id forgotten. I remember i was seeing a girl (the first id have sex with mind you) and i really liked her. I was 18 and really screwed up emotionally because I quit believing and was exploring the world... but you know i felt guilty because i was still hiding from my parents. I knew they would hate me for the decisions i was making... Anyway... one day i felt it necessary to tell her that because i wanted to be fair to her and if we were gonna get serious... theres something she should know... I was nearly a lifelong JW and had just barely got out mentally and it was hard for me because it shaped everything i ever did... To my surprise... she responded with a "so... you dont believe that stuff anymore" and we went about like normal... It ended after a short time because i just wasnt ready considering I just started the journey to aetheism... but i did get to "do it" for the firat time ever and it was amazing!
• 

  Black Sheep

  I don't want to get hurt....

  JW is a cult. You are going to get hurt getting out. Get used to it.

  You have to understand that you are not leaving anything that is important. JW is just another doomsday cult similar to Harold Camping. Would you feel bad about leaving Camping's group? What is the difference?

  I just don't want to bring out the big news too soon about me wanting to leave and all and it overwhelms him.

  When do you plan on being honest with him? IF your BF can't handle you not wanting to be a member of a failed doomsday cult, he's not worth having. Get it done now.
• 

  leavingwt

  What is preventing you from making an exit?

  You mention "doubts" that you have.

  Please do the reading and research necessary to prove to yourself what is true and what is false.
• 

  ziddina

  make yourself, girl, get yourself to a therapist who has experience - SOLID experience - helping ex-cult members to "deprogramme"...

  THEN mention to the nice fellow that you're in the process of extricating yourself from a 'controlling situation'.

  But a word of warning...

  I extricated myself from the cult when I was around 30 years old. I spent about a year "out", then met and married a 'worldly' person who I thought would be a good match.

  Unfortunately, HE turned out to have much the same sort of CONTROLLING behaviors as the cult!!

  Consider this - you need to be OUT - FULLY OUT - before you can make a PROPER decision as to who would be "right" - mentally and emotionally healthy - for you.

  Yes, I WAS in therapy at the time, BUT none of my therapists had ANY experience dealing with the specific issues raised by cult damage!

  Zid
• 

  Diest

  I think you should tell him. He needs to know about your issues and understand who you are as a person. If this is too much for him, then anything will be too much. Like LeavingWT said, do the research you need to understand why they are a false religion. You dont want to leave just to go back...
• 

  ziddina

  Diest, good advice...

  And what the heck are you doing up so late - er, early???
• 

  jeandeau

  Recognise the JW's are offering something you need or at least appears to be the something you need, else you wouldn't be attracted to that scene. You must find a different place to satisfy those needs and sooner the better. we need friends hope and happiness but the WT is not a true place. You have doubts and for good reason. Likely you have noticed the arguments presented by the WT are partial, leveraged and never give respectful coverage of opposing views. There is no place for your views or reasoned conscience within this society. In the end it is entirely about power, authority structure and exercising dominion over you. Jesus died to set you free, not for you to be a slave of men again. Jesus died and nailed the law to the torture stake he died on . The watchtower organization now prides itself in having built up a new and immense body of law they call "new law" saying this is the law of God and impell you to follow it unquestioningly on threat of expulsion and shunning by family and former friends. They say that Christians must now go through them as mediators to Jesus and Jehovah. The WTBTS has aattempted to nullify the blood and sacrifice of Jesus, setting themselves up as a new priestly class and restoring the mosaic law in a new form with it's dependance on works for salvation.

  Read the book "The gentile times revisited", an outstanding work of research that utterly disproves the 1914 calculation. The author who was a pioneer JW was disfellowshiped for his work when he asked the governing body to read the research and consider it. Read the two books "Crisis of Conscience" and "In search of Christian Freedom" by Ray Franz who was a member of the governig body untill he was disfellowshipped after he spoke to a few friends about personal doubts and reservations about certain dogma of the church. doubt is scorned and speaking about the substance of arguments counter to WT policy and dogma will get you disfellowshiped for certain. They WILL find a way because the absolutely most important thing of all to the watchtower society beyond any doubt is THE AUTHORITY STRUCTURE THEY ARE INVESTED IN.

  Good luck, We all care about you.

  Jeandeau