oompa and myself

varian

hey everyone.

i´m sitting here with tears in my eyes. you just can´t imagine what i´m going through richt now. there are no words to describe it!

every day of my life, i wakw up in the morning, thinking of the wonder or gift of life. how everything is perfect. about god and how he made the miracle of life etc.

i really apreachate! i really do!

but there is a other side of me, a really dark side of me.

when i read about the all the sh++++ oompa whent through, i litaraly saw my own life flow by. altough i never knew him, i some how could feel the emotional pain he went through! it is so sad!

in my earlie 20ies i became a jw. i thought it was the right religion. i believed in everything the wto published.

but right now, in this time of my life, i just don´t no how to fit into this life. i do not know who i am. whT I´M AM!

i know it might sound frikking weird for you, but that is my present state of mind!

i´m on the brink of killig myself. dont get me wrong, i love life, but i just ddont know were i fit in!

i´ve been through a lot of sh+++, devorce finacial problems etc. the funny thing is, i´m quite successful in the things i do. i´m an artist. i played in successful bands. i also do exhibitions with my art. but: i just cant fit in to life!

i also won competitions. beeing the best built body. no joke, i workout everyday. on the other side. i just can´t find the true love!

i work with frikkig blokes everyday. there are no women whre i work. jusr f+++++ bkokes!

i just cant see the meaning of life. why do i do all this? fot what reason?

on days like this, i feel like the most unssuccessful person who ever recided on this planet earth! why am i still here? should i join oompa?

what is this all about?

all i want in life is a true love and a nice home. for f### sake is that to much to ask for????

Broken Promises

Things WILL get better.

It takes a while to get used to life outside the Borg. It's not easy. And you're not alone.

Are you willing to disclose where abouts you live so someone nearby can get into contact with you? Someone in the same state/country as you? So someone can contact you and be there when you need another exJW to talk to. And so they can check on you in case you feel you are on the edge.

Hang in there. Things WILL get better.

jemba

I feel ya Varian i really do. I think firstly you need to see someone about whether youre depressed, make this a matter of urgency. Its nothing to be ashamed of and its unfortunately a part of life for many, especially ex JWs.

I have been lonely and seeking a companion yet not being able to find anyone - it didnt help that it was in the confines of the WT. That person DOES eventually come along, I guarantee that one day you will look back and think about how lonely and sad you were and smile to yourself that you were strong enough to get through it. You will be quite the catch too, a sensitive man that takes care of his body!

After the pain we have seen the friends of Oompa go through it is a good idea to stop and think of all the people that will really miss you if you did end your life, we really have no idea of the tragedy of pain and suffering that awaits our death.

Im sure you dont see it now but your life is a gift to live and do as much as we can while we are here.... I didnt always feel this way, I have spent over 30 years of my life in a depressed haze and have finally come out the other side alive and not alone.

Get help my friend, even just a telephone counselling service for now, just do it first before you think of anything more destructive like booze, drugs or self harm.

Jemba

Black Sheep

Unless you've got a rich Daddy, nobody is going to do it for you.

Toss in your job and go and work with a bunch of women. I've done it. It was great fun.

Nobody gave me my house. I had to work ridiculous hours for years to get it and pay it off.

Volunteer for stuff. Pay it forward. Join clubs.

Shop around for a good watering hole. You can't drink beer when you're dead.

Check out your old threads. You got some good advice then too.

Cheers

Chris

Fernando

Hey varian!

It is sad how (the Watchtower) religion has affected us.

I have lost a brother and father in death. They never knew where they fitted in either because of this cult.

Yet I have been much more fortunate.

I walked out of the Watchtower mid-2009 and am now very clear on who I am and where I fit in. I am happy and comfortable with my new authentic identity, although few really understand.

We really do not want to lose another.

Please believe me when I say there is light on the other side of this darkness. It can be defeated. Its power is an illusion. It will pass. You are in the transition phase to a new identity. Yes the journey can be chaotic, confusing and painful. Yet, I assure you the destination is beyond your wildest dreams and well worth it.

Please do not give up.

Please take decisive action to get help.

Phone Lifeline right away. Get referrals.

Get counselling. See a Psychologist.

Get fresh air, sunshine, exercise, fruit & veg, a hobby, a club, a network.

Things may be a bit upside down now, but with the right perspective you will see the princess instead of the old woman below:

Greetings and blessings

Fernando

South East Queensland, Australia

LouBelle

Hey Varian.

I have sent you a personal message.

Louise

tornapart

Dear Varian, I really feel for you. Sometimes we can have so many things in our life that should make us happy but somehow it eludes us. Could you perhaps seek some professional help of some kind. Maybe talk to a councellor or just someone who will listen to you and help you come to some kind of resolution? Please don't think about joining Oompa, life is precious and even if it doesn't seem like it right now, things could change for the better very quickly. Don't give up!!

Please listen to the song 'One Day You Will' by Lady Antebellum

varian

thank you so much for your replies!

louise. how do i read a personnal message?

Fernando

You click on the envelope sign next to your name on the top right of your screen. You may have to refresh the page after trying to open an email and then try to open it again (works second time around usually, a bit of a bug).

dog is god

I decided that I would just have to live with the "not fit in" part. It can be okay. I do a lot of stuff by myself although this past yr was hard because I was hit by a car and have been pretty isolated. Thanks to cable and books and music I'm okay and pulling thru....it's not easy. Every time I've thought about ending it I think, Well, the sun is coming up tomorrow....let's wait and see. I also have some responsibilites to my animals to be cared for and not slaughtered or put down. Divorced (ex jw husband gay...brothers protected him...and threw me under the bus). Lost all "friends" blah blah blah. How comeyou don't go on line to meet some chx? If you are ever in Seattle I'll take you round and dinner. We can be friends and "not fit in" together.

oompa and myself

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