Please respond to an email from a distraught dad who is losing his daughter to the JWs through a JW boyfriend

by AndersonsInfo 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  mind blown

  My heart goes out to this family Barbara. Same thing happened to me with my one and only daughter recently and a boy. She met him while he was inactive, but for what ever reason he started preaching to her, they both started attending meetings. Turns out he was a player/playboy type. He kept playing games with her, but by then she was in the grips of the WTS. He finally dumped her, but is still active. My daudhter is now hard core studying and not talking to me because I'm Df'd..........

  I agree 100% with Sizemik (Hassen's book) The young girl is caught hook, line, and sinker by the cutie boy as well as the WTS. The dye has already been cast. Though Church of England rules in his household, he is still a father to a very young women (only 19 yo). I think he needs to re establish a relationship with his daughter, his blood, his little girl, and drop his pride. Showing her unconditional love will open the doors if and when things go wrong with the boy or she finds TTATT. For all anyone knows, the boy may really want out of the WTS but is stuck, and she's going to hang on to him no matter what. On the other hand maybe when they met he was on his way out, but chickened out because shunning would be the alternative. He may also be depended on his parents income and support.

  If she still does't want anything to do with her family, all they can do is sit and wait and love. Father can also invite the boy over and get to know him, maybe the father will be able to get more insight to the situation..... He could tell her he was too harsh, loves her, and wants to re establish their relationship.....

  King Sol, not true. Didn't happen in my daughters case once the boy returned, got his prevelges back, fooled around with my daughter, which they kept secret. Also, does't mean the kids are being honest. He is still in good standing. Kids can pretend they are just friends. I've been in congregations with a large teenage crowd, and teenagers are shady and very good at it, JW or not.
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  King Solomon

  King Sol, not true. Didn't happen in my daughters case once the boy returned, got his prevelges back, fooled around with my daughter, which they kept secret. Also, does't mean the kids are being honest. He is still in good standing. Kids can pretend they are just friends. I've been in congregations with a large teenage crowd, and teenagers are shady and very good at it, JW or not.

  Yeah, and that's exactly why I phrased it like I did, placing the onus on the individual to be honest and upright (and why I said "no active diligent JW"). That assumes he's actually "walking the walk" of being a sincere JW, and not a "jack JW" who's able to lie to themselves and others to keep out of trouble.

  But like I said, the guy's motivations are doubtful from the start, since he's dating a "Worldly"; maybe he is legitly questioning JWs, maybe he's not; but it's impossible to know (especially if the guy himself doesn't know).

  Of course, that's a risky strategy for him, as it often back-fires when they lose their "guardian angel" elder(s) who look the other way for youthful indiscretions that others get DFed for. Some pull it off, but like I said, it's riskier than simply marrying a sister after holding hands on dates, etc.

  But bottom line is we're all guessing here, since we don't know any more than what was provided in an e-mail. It's all to be taken with a BIG grain of salt, since it's all conjecture.... No need to bother claim knowing the "truth" on this one, as it's all just offered as food for thought.
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  FingersCrossed

  My boyfriend did ask me once if I want to study about JW when we were having argument. I told him I would we study the BIBLE only.
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  FingersCrossed

  *if
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  Chariklo

  Bookmarking. Barbara, I can't write aboiut this now as I have a very busy day ahead, but this is very relevant to me and I'd like to help. I'll get back to you. I may PM you and speak more freely there.

  I was thoroughly brainwashed by JW's, and extricated myself only very recently...an extremely narrow escape.

  Till later...
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  mouthy

  That is so sad. I also have Ted...in my support group, the same thing happened to him.
  He met a woman with a baby ,she was a JW.but had moved away from her homeland
  as her Father was an elder & she didnt want any to know she had "sinned" Ted is a Christian
  He thought he could influence her to know Christ, She thought she could make him JW I guess
  He fell in love with her, married her & she wanted to return to her home land ,they did...She Told the congregation
  the baby was Teds.Unfortunatly she went back into the "LIE" He has tried so
  hard to explain the TRUTH to her,but no avail,She has made the child they had together,a JW but the
  one he adopted has left the JWs but is atheist......When the Devil sends his workers through the cults
  He smiles....I do hope this girl will see the LIGHT.
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  snare&racket

  Research, research, research...... support her decisions, in that you should encourage her to explore. But With your research you will find questions for her that no JW will tell her.

  Research the early history of the religion, the founder was divorced from his wife and was party to selling "miracle wheat" from the literature. He lost a court case against a newspaper that called him a con man.

  The original president was a banker, he owned the majority of shares. Most JWs neither know this or that there are annual shareholder meetings. Also the WT have vast stocks and shares. They are more careful now, but for some time they owned the majority of shares in a military company.

  These are all huge bombshells to the JW's, everything they are told is filtered, they get NO negative history.

  Examine "The decleration of facts" on wikipedia, a letter sent from the WT leader to Hitler, offering support and godly approval of the ethics and ethos of Hitlers Germany. The WT apologised for this scandal in a small article in 1996. Again this would be a bombshell to a JW.

  If your daughter gains an interest in the bible show her Leviticus where it warns of prophets that make prediction in Gods name, and that if a prophet says something and it does not come true, well then this prophet is not from god but makes assumptions !

  Examine JW.facts.com and google "watchtower quotes" here you will find quotes from the literature where such things as rape were classified as fornication in certain circumstances and that organ donation is beastiality, that vaccines are evil etc etc etc...

  Let your daughter explore, dont let her be sucked in, but all the while show her these nuggets of info ! Once they get hold of her they will tell her that even LOOKING at such things is wrong. Believe it or not... people fall for this, around 7.5 million people !

  snare xx (I am a young guy in the UK, I was heavily involved and left after figuring it all out, pm me if you think I can help more)
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  nugget

  This is a difficult position for any parent. One thing I will say is that the more you oppose this relationship and the faith the more you will drive her towards it. At that age hormones and the impetuosity of youth with it's love of drama will respond negatively to any ultimatums. In addition to this JWs use the presence of any opposition as a sure sign that you are following the right religion since the devil is putting pressure on you to quit through family members. The most important thing is to keep the lines of communication open and reassure your daughter of your unconditional love. I understand that this is difficult when you fear she may be making a bad choice but at this point you need to make sure that if anything goes wrong and she falls out of love with this boy that she feels comfortable to come home. I know that you faith is important to you but any attempt to be distrespectful about the boyfriend or his faith will end in disaster.

  I would write to her if she refuses to speak to you telling her you love her and want her to be happy, that you appreciate that she is an adult and free to make choices in her life and hope that whatever she decides she will feel happy to come and talk to you about it. She is important to the whole family and is loved, you understand that she may be angry with you but she is always your daughter and your only wish is for her to come and visit or call. Remind her of a shared happy time you shared to remind her of the importance of your familial bond.

  ICSA has contacts with someone who can act as a mediator and help to re-establish communications if things have broken down completely. If you are lucky she will fall out of love and walk away from the madness but if not this is a process that requires patience and restraint,
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  Theocratic Sedition

  This email is too minimal on information and one sided.
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  jgnat

  This family is a little behind the eight ball. They should have been alert two years ago and taken action then. I know a concerned mother here in town who got proactive as soon as her daughter was pursued by a Witness boy. Forearmed and forwarned, and with a good understanding of her daughter's basic nature (the girl loved to be treated), she was able to avert disaster. The mysogyny of the Witnesses and their indifference to anniversaries eventually killed the relationship.

  I fear the daughter is lost to the witnesses for now. The parents are going to have to work on damage control and work very hard to keep communication lines open. Here's a few tips:

  1. Act the interested observer. Ask lots of questons. Accept literature describing the religion's beliefs.
  2. Loosen up your staunch stand. Many children, to establish independence, divert from the beliefs of the parents. Very sadly in this case, the girl is going from a staunch religion to a completely intolerant one. (This might hint at an exit strategy for the girl, in the absence of other information. This girl may have a strong independent streak. She may eventually tire of the controlling environment of the witnesses. For instance, will she give her future children the freedom to choose their own religion)?
  3. Find out if the girl is baptized yet. If not, ask if you might be there on the day of the event. As much as it pains you, be supportive and involved.
  4. Don't paint yourself in to a corner by offering ultimatums.
  5. Get informed about mind control techniques as offered by Steve Hassan. As horrifying as the information is, remember always to be calm and welcoming of your daughter. Don't drive her deeper in.
  6. Know their daughter. Reminisce of her hobbies, interests, and personality. All those things that make her unique. This will bring her natural personality to the fore and help her with independent thinking.