by rem 42 Replies latest social relationships
My wife just left me this morning. It's over. I've been crying all night. I am so drained. Five years of marriage all gone. She just doesn't want to be married anymore - at least not to me. She has to find herself, find what she really wants. We love each other so much but we've just grown apart. I'm having so much trouble accepting this - i don't want her to go. I'm crying so hard now. I feel so low.
rem
So sorry (((((rem))))
take care
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{REM}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Don't give up yet.
Just a couple months ago I said that to my husband and he moved out for a couple of days. I then realized through many tears and memories and goals for the future that I didn't want to live life without him, even if it meant giving up some things for myself. She might come around, give her time. She might just need some time to think about her life without you and weigh things out. Hopefully, for her sake, you're still willing to be there if she changes her mind. I don't know your situation, but if you both have had some great times together and really love each other, you're best to stay together. I was stubborn about that, blaming all my losses in life on being married too young when in fact, I wouldn't have half the opportunities and happiness in life if it weren't for my husband's loyal support and affection. I lost site of that when he started making me feel like just a piece of furniture. But, our problems brought that out to light and we are working on being good to each other again. Never turn a pot of gold into a trash can, right?
I hope things work out for the best for you both.
Take good care of yourself.
Anne
I'm sorry you are so sad Rem. I hope Pierced Angel is right and your wife comes back to you. Wish I could make you feel better but its very hard to handle losing someone you love.
wishing you peace and love,
flower
Anne,
That almost sounds exactly like our situation. We were married young and she feels that we both just settled - we hadn't explored the world. She wants to do that now. I can understand, but we are so good together and I know she still loves me. I just can't believe this is happening. I feel like such a loser, but she keeps telling me that it's her and not me. She is so stubborn! But that's what I love about her.
I hope she finds what she is looking for.
Thank you so much for your thoughts.
rem
rem:
check your e-mail.
Love, Scully
Offer her some options that will give her more freedom (and yourself as well!). You know, she's just having an early mid-life crisis. You would no doubt start feeling the same way eventually too since men usually don't have them till a little later.
And she's right, it's nothing to do with you, don't take it that way. If you do, you won't be able to think rationally about a solution. Tim and Xena are doing the open marriage thing and it seems to be working for them. You could try going to a swingers dance (without actually having to have sex with anyone, LOL) and just enjoy the attention. She might love that (or hate it, you never know). Joel and I did that last month and we just met up with a couple from the dance and had a very sexually liberating evening with them both. We were like nervous teenagers getting ready for a date. We were in it together and it was very exciting for us both. Of course, we only agreed since we both felt comfortable with the other couple. I don't know if we'll do anything as freaky as that again (yikes!) but we both know that we can put things on the table and not be afraid of each other's reaction. The freedom is overwhelming.
Start being unconventional. This is YOUR marriage. Who says it has to feel like a prison? If you think you're going to lose her anyways, why not give up any jealousies or insecurities and just be her friend and both explore the world by "aiding each other" to do so. It's worth a try.
I hope I don't sound too wild or immoral to you. I'm just surprised as hell that I am happier than ever with Joel. I'm constantly amazed because I really wanted a divorce so bad.
Good luck and hang in there.
Anne
(((((REM)))))
Hope things work out, man! Wishing you strength & courage for the days ahead...
"...the greater will be the beneficial effect, because you get more of the ultra-violet rays, which are healing" - The Golden Age
[SYN], UADA - Unseen Apostate Directorate of Africa.
Anne,
I completely understand where you are coming from. We have discussed such options, though i do think it would be difficult for me. I hope you are right and she will want to work things out, but I also have to prepare myself for the worst. I just feel like everything we've worked for will be gone and I'll be starting over - alone. I don't have any real close friends to help me through this anymore since I DA'd. I'm just so scared to be alone and i miss her terribly.
rem
Hey rem,
Even if your marriage fails, just remember that their IS life beyond it. I DO hope it works out, but it sounds like your wife was just the wrong pick for a lifelong mate. It does happen.
TR
UADNA- Unseen Apostate Directorate of North America- WA
