Shunned from Sister's wedding reception PART 3

by Quotes 14 Replies latest jw experiences

Quotes

For Part 1:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=23578&site=3
For PART 2:
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=23923&site=3
Just to bring you up-to-date, I responded to my sister's email with the following.
Uuummmmm.... *NO*
I did not write any letter to The Society, or the elder's.
However, I'm not sure what difference that would make either way, again the official word is "Those who simply cease to be involved in the faith are not shunned." which does *NOT* add the qualifier 'however, those who write letters to advise they are no longer involved with the faith will be shunned.' But it doesn't matter either way, as I did not write a letter.
Who told you that I wrote a letter? I would like to talk to that person and explain to them that they are incorrect, mistaken, etc. and warn them that they should not be "spreading gossip" which as we know, it not advised in the scriptures. I would really like to know who this was. But I digress.
The bottom line is "I did not write a letter". I hope that helps clarify things.
I love you kiddo, no matter what. Sorry if I sound cross, but it is frustrating when I keep hearing all kind of lies about myself.
HUGS & KISSES
~P****
Her quick reply was:
So then, tell me for yourself what happened. What do you consider yourself to be, for example, a non-practising Jehovah's Witness? Or what? Where do you place yourself within the organization?
Love R*****.
To which I responded:
No no no... That last time I was asked by a "friend" to tell me what was on my mind I was pulled in front of a Judicial Committee to answer a charge of Apostasy.
No, I will not take the bait in that trap. I still have the scars from the last time that (en-)trap went off.
My sister replied with:
I understand why you don't want to answer, so I won't press it. But I assure you, as your ever loving sister, that it is no trap. I was young when all this happened, and so was not informed as to what was going on, and now that I'm grown and I ask, no one will answer. I'm just confused, that's all, because I don't know what happened.
If answering will cause you pain, please don't. I never want to be the cause of hurt to my family.
Love Rachel.
Now you have been updated. I am simply at a loss as to how to proceed, however I am inclined to just let the whole thing drop. I am clearly beating my head against a wall, and the bottom line is that even if by some miracle I could convince my sister that she would not spontaneously combust if she invited me to the reception, the fact is my presence would make everyone else uncomfortable, and I wouldn't want to ruin her big day.
What have we learned here? Nothing new. However we have confirmed a strongly evidenced theory: JWs say one thing and mean something else. They talk out of both sides of their mouth. Phrases like
"Those who simply cease to be involved in the faith are not shunned"
cannot be taken at face value. This should be understood as
"Those who have, according to our internal vocabulary, "fallen inactive" are, although spiritually lazy, are really still part of the organization and should be treated as such. On the other hand, if someone says "Hey, I don't want to be part of your little group anymore. Thanks for the bruises and you can keep the stool samples" they are the same as those who have been kicked our for adultery, etc. and have automatically become dispicable liars and spreaders of slander and hate against Jehovah......... and his organization, of course. (You didn't think we'd forget to mention Jehovah without mentioning the Organziation in the same breath, did you?
Or, put another way, we have learned that
there is no honourable way to simply cease to be involved in the faith[/b]. "We're sorry, but that option is not available.".
===========================
For interesting Watchtower Society literature quotes, complete with references but without any editorial, check out:
http://Quotes.JehovahsWitnesses.com
Prisca

Your sister sounds like she is genuinely trying to work out what the fuss about her big brother is all about, but no one will give her an answer. She's asked you, but she realises that you are not comfortable telling her, so she's let the matter drop.
Since you are not officially da'd nor df'd, then technically you should not be shunned.
However, if it makes it easier for your sister, then I'd suggest to do whatever she asks of you. Organising a wedding is a huge stress-out, and no doubt the question of inviting you to the reception is just one more headache she must bear.
After all, she said before that she considers the actual wedding ceremony the most important part, so why not go to the ceremony? Then, once you are there see how others greet you. If you don't feel comfortable, or it's obvious that family members aren't comfortable, then it might be best to slip away.
Remember - This is your sister's special day - not yours or anyone elses. The main concern should be the happiness of your sister on her big day.
Beans

Quotes:
Now I am banging my head against the wall! How can she not see the big picture on this topic,it almost seems that your question to her has been lost and will not get answered because she is now just finding out what happened. I think you should visit her personally and get intouch at that level so it will be more personal and your feelings will be convayed to her one on one in a loving manner. This would perhaps make her understand your true feelings and views with clarifacation. Or a phone call at the least.
Beans
Imbue

why not relpy:"I have simply ceased to be involved in the faith." Is this not true?
Crazy is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Elsewhere

I sent my brother a similar email about shunning - so far, no response. I was not DFed and when I DAed myself, I was "in good standing"... therefor I "simply cease[d] to be involved in the faith"
"As every one knows, there are mistakes in the Bible" - The Watchtower, April 15, 1928, p. 126
Believe in yourself, not mythology.
<x ><
MavMan

Could I add my thoughts?
I think you should explain your view to your sister. From the messages, it is clear that she loves you very much and desperately wants to understand your view. After giving her your side of the story, then she will be able to decide, by herself, about you and your beliefs.
I'm sorry if I'm out of line, I did not have a chance to read your previous posts on this topic.
Tin Man

So then, tell me for yourself what happened. What do you consider yourself to be, for example, a non-practising Jehovah's Witness? Or what? Where do you place yourself within the organization?
Love R*****.
Tin Man here; The above statement makes me sick, it seems the organization is above God himself. It would seem more appropriate if she could have said where do you stand in your worship to God, but then again you really don't need a legal entity to worship God, contrary to what the witness's say: only one ark survived the flood, that is an attempt to control you, and they are good at it.
Tin Man
patio34

Hi Quotes,
Prisca presented one side of the issue:
Since you are not officially da'd nor df'd, then technically you should not be shunned.
So you are to just take your punishment and shut up.
However, if it makes it easier for your sister, then I'd suggest to do whatever she asks of you. Organising a wedding is a huge stress-out, and no doubt the question of inviting you to the reception is just one more headache she must bear.
Read: you should give up your rights as a human being, and not add to the stress of planning a wedding and party. Heaven forbid! Just do as you're told, lackey, and us important folks will figure it out.
After all, she said before that she considers the actual wedding ceremony the most important part, so why not go to the ceremony? Then, once you are there see how others greet you. If you don't feel comfortable, or it's obvious that family members aren't comfortable, then it might be best to slip away.
They, as a group, don't want you there, certainly not at the fun, social part. Who says the wedding ceremony is the most important part? It's only half of it and that's all they want you for, where they don't have to speak to you.
You don't matter. Yes, we wouldn't want any of the important people feel uncomfortable, even though they are grossly stepping on your rights, not to mention being part of a mob mentality. Just do as you're told.
Remember - This is your sister's special day - not yours or anyone elses. The main concern should be the happiness of your sister on her big day.
Go ahead and receive the inhumane treatment of shunning. Your sister and her henchmen have every right to treat you as less than dirt. Just show up as the doormat but be sure to leave.
All this, and you were never officially pronounced anything. I would be proud of your sister if she were to stand up for what is right.
It's possible many would agree with Prisca's assessment, but i don't.
One doesn't sacrifice one's rights to be treated decently. Your simply declining to be subject to the humiliation of shunning is the only reasonable course, it seems. Shunning is the worst treatment short of physical abuse.
Your sister said:
So then, tell me for yourself what happened. What do you consider yourself to be, for example, a non-practising Jehovah's Witness? Or what? Where do you place yourself within the organization?
Sounds as if she's been prepped by an elder. It was prudent of you to refuse to incriminate yourself. Besides, you've already received the maximum punishment--shunning--so you're damned already. If you explain your way out of it, it sounds as tho she still will go along with the rest of the JWs who don't want you there.
I don't understand how anyone would go along with such a travesty of justice just for someone's supposed "special day."
What an insult!! And no official action was even taken. "Special Day," my foot! What bull!
out4good3

Great point all in line with my original thinking on this subject. Just because this is her "special day" what right does that give her to treat someone she claims to so dearly love and want to be there as second class. Perfect case of JW doubletalk trying to have their cake and eat it too.
Although it would probably "appear" to be a nice gesture on your part to participate as asked, wouldn't acquiescing to her demands be just as hypocritical to you as what she's trying to do to you. You can't very well say that you would enjoy being the object of scorn by the JW community in attendance at this wedding so why put yourself through this just to satisfy her and the JW community who doesn't want you there. You're a person exercising "free will" as JW's as JW's so call it. Why should you subject yourself to being used as a piece of meat for a photo Op only to be tossed aside later because you happen to be distasteful to some in attendance. It should be all or nothing for you, just as it is to those who would be uncomfortable with your presence. If they are attending in support of the bride, should it matter that you are at the reception?
[quote] Your sister said:[quote]So then, tell me for yourself what happened. What do you consider yourself to be, for example, a non-practising Jehovah's Witness? Or what? Where do you place yourself within the organization?
Classic bait tactic. You tell her what happened and you get to relive the whole episode all over again, should you decide to attend. Why tell her anyway? Would she be capable of making an independent decision? Based upon this statement alone and how she's asking for your participation in the wedding, she's already determined, with elder and congregation prep, your status as it relates to the borganization anyway.
Will Power

I thought NO one was supposed to have a special day? Isn't that why there are no birthday celebrations?
I have to agree with patio. Having a SPECIAL day AND treating someone like a leper. What would Jesus do?

Shunned from Sister's wedding reception PART 3

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