Words that were really hard to hear...

by NeverKnew 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • NeverKnew
    NeverKnew

    Last night, I listened to words that were really hard to hear. I'm not sure how much of the conversation I blocked out.

    I intentionally initiated a conversation with a JW man that I've grown very fond of who has been talking about marriage next year as recently as last weekend (our anniversary weekend). We have had the conversation before, but I have to admit, I have a tough time listening and I find that I leave the conversations not believing what I'm hearing so therefore I can't seem to retain the details. Overall, there was very little difference this time.

    I asked what fears he held in walking down an aisle with me. He stated that he is realizing that I don't believe what the organization is saying (I'm VERY verbal about my uh... we will call it "confusion"). There were points made about not being promoted (not sure of the term) to MS or elder and being looked down upon within the congregation. But folks, the absolute worse thing I heard was that he was okay with losing communication with the few family members in, but that he was having a the worst time with the fact that marrying me would "disappoint" Jehovah. My heart sank.

    I have a relatively thick skin and, out of a love for him, I've spent a year learning about the history of the organization along with the psychology of being in (thanks to you guys), but it's impossible to hear something like this and not feel thoroughly insulted.

    I'd been trying to crack the WT's stronghold and had made progress until he started asking the elders to help him with my questions. Since then, I've been talking to a wall. I thought about insisting he read Hassan's CCMC and asking him to promise me that there were no correlations to his organization but I don't know what affect that would have, if any.

    There is no doubt he loves me, but given his current indoctrinated state and what he would have to endure, is it more loving for me to walk away?

  • finally awake
    finally awake

    You are in for a world of hurt if he can't free himself. And in the immortal words of Bob Marley " None but ourselves can free our minds". You can't do the work for him.

  • Rob Crompton
    Rob Crompton

    "...he was having a the worst time with the fact that marrying me would "disappoint" Jehovah. My heart sank."

    It's very hard, I know. But I think you realise that this is no basis for a lasting relationship. You would be walking into years of heartache if you marry a guy who thinks like this.

    The pain you will experience through breaking free now will be much less in the long run.

    Rob Crompton

  • clarity
    clarity

    NeverKnew ... sorry love, too much going against you

    with this relationship!

    >

    "he was having a the worst time with the fact that marrying me would "disappoint" Jehovah"

    >

    This is a fact for him and so is this ........>

    >

    He would be "marrying out of the truth".

    He would be marrying a "worldly" if he married you.

    He expects that you will die at armageddon ... so why bother...and

    then there are the children..... omg

    he will actually be looked down on by those in the congregations,

    almost shunned ...

    >

    All insane beliefs yes ... but they are a strong part of him.

    You no doubt will be hurt through this, even more than right now.

    Make some wise decisions in your own best interests plse,

    then you can deal with this from your strength and not from

    your weakness.

    best wishes whatever you decide

    clarity

  • Joe Grundy
    Joe Grundy

    NeverKnew:

    If you love somebody, you love them. You don't give a rat's ass (or a dingo's kidney!) what anyone else thinks. You are prepared to make it work for the two of you come what may.

    If either party doesn't feel that, for whatever reason, it won't work.

    And that's the top and bottom of it, without having to take into account all the crazy JW stuff.

    Sounds like this guy is not for you, sorry.

    I wish you well.

  • MrFreeze
    MrFreeze

    It is the people who should love you the most that say the worst things.

  • lisaBObeesa
    lisaBObeesa

    he was having a the worst time with the fact that marrying me would "disappoint" Jehovah.

    I call B.S.

    If this guy was worried about 'disappointing Jehovah' he wouldn't be dating you.

    He is worried about what his dubbie friends, family, and elders will say. He is worried about his position in the cong.

    Fact is, he is in a relationship with you. This means that either he doesn't really think Jehovah is disappointed in his relationship with you, or he does think Jehovah is disappointed in the relationwhip but he could care less about disappointing Jehovah.

    Either way, his story about not wanting to disappoint Jehovah by marrying you does not fly.

    Tell him nice try, but you don't buy it.

  • finally awake
    finally awake

    Lisa makes a very good point. He shouldn't even be dating you or considering dating you because that alone is "disappointing" Jay Hoover.

  • cobaltcupcake
    cobaltcupcake

    I'm so sorry you're going through this. You've certainly put a lot of work into the relationship, and you deserve better than a man who is divided between his feelings for you and his devotion to his god.

  • carla
    carla

    Not necessarily bs, he has probably been hoping all along she would convert in a big way and they could spend their life in fs together. He probably had some weird fantasy that this whole situation was actually romantic or something and would end with them being some super pioneer couple in the end.

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