Advise Needed : Should I stay should I go ?

raymond frantz

A year ago I started looking heavily into "apostate" websites ,now after a year I'm convinced that I have been lied to and kept in the dark for so long .I hate going to the meetings having to cope with these disgusting Watchtower articles .Unfortunatelly my family are still in wife and kids and I have raised them to be good witnesses .I feel betrayed by the Watchtower and I'm sure if it wasn't for these evil men in Brooklyn 99% of all witnesses that wake up would not have an issue changing all the wrong doctrines .These Satanic men who dare call themselves "anointed " have spend almost 40 years, especially since they changed the baptismal vows and after Raymond Franz's exit ,creating a "prison of the mind" ,if anyone wants to leave they have to kiss goodbye friends ,family and start all over again .What shall I do stay in and try to work against them or leave? Any advice will be appreciated

ldrnomo

if you can stomach the meetings and you can go out in field service without feeling hypocritical and you feel you can help your family to escape. Then do it.

If doing this upsets you so much it effects your mental health then don't stay in it.

Do what's best for you so that you can help your family.

goatshapeddemon

That is a very tough one. :-( so sorry you are alone - it was hard enough for me, and my husband and I did it together.

Here is the good news / bad news. My family was *the pinnacle* jw family in our area. You name the title, one of us had it. Then, Something very horrible was done to my dad (the leader in terms of spirituality and godliness) at the hands of very bad men. He was going to stay and swallow it. I could not. I almost broke up with my fiancé because I knew then that I was done... (but it turned out, he was headed in the same direction - divine intervention?) Both of us were the golden children of our circuits. And suddenly we were faders. My dad at first was furious at my husband (he thought he had created apostate tendencies in me). But over time, with tact and kindness and patience, my mom, dad and brother all saw the light and left too. Same thing with my husband's parents - they haven't left, but they are in full support of our decision and are staying only for convenience. Bad news, his brother, sister and their spouses have 100% shunned us.

All of that to say, it can be done... if you're honest, gentle, kind (and very very patient) about it and the person in question is intellectually honest. It helps if they've been jerked around by the org, but not a requiment. However, some people (like his brother) will refuse to see it even if it's as plain as the nose on their faces. The night we told them we were done with the org and why, ending it with, "our loyalty has to be to the scriptures", they said, "your logic is unassailable, but our loyalty is to the faithful slave". Others (like his sister) would rather bury their heads in the lies and fallacies because the truth about the truth is too hard to accept. You know your family - if you raised them to think for themselves (my parents always said stuff like, "well, that's what we teach but I think that trumpet blast being a convention is malarkey" or whatever), it's worth a shot. Our family has never been more united or less burdened now that we're all out. But my husbands parents basically taught them to believe the watchtower and only because my husband is an intellectual truth seeker did he figure it out. The rest of them are completely blind to TTATT, even though none of them are dumb.

Best of luck - good news is that we'll be here to support you. But that doesn't mean any of it is easy. :-(

raymond frantz

Why is it that no one is trying to take on them from within ? I know Candice Condi tried and succeeded to sue them for the pedophilia issue ,but how about the shunning policy which holds so many captives

DarioKehl

Ray...

Everyone's situation is unique. It's taken me about 7 years to come to terms with it all. It wasn't until a few months ago that I finally explained my doubts to relatives who are still in. They took it surprisingly well, but it's obvious that our relationship has a tension that was not there before. Your situation is a little more critical because you have a wife and children--kids you say have been raised in JWdom by you. Discovering their dad is an evil "apostate" could really freak the kids out! So go easy on them if you decide to exit. Even if your wife's mind is eventually opened, think about the kids' reactions to suddenly not going to meetings anymore. Even celebrating holidays could trip 'em out if they're still dealing with that heavy indoctrination.

My fade was successfull because I relocated. I moved to another state and had my cards transferred. No one knows me in the new area. I've never shown up or been contacted. People in my old state just assume everything is fine when I visit. If you carefully bring this information to your wife, she may just start confessing her own doubts to you! She will discern that something is going on if you try to keep this bottled up.

I suggest you bring up doubts at the next family study night after you send your kids to bed. Just confide in her that you can sense something is wrong. A powerful way for you to drive home the point would be to summarize all the new light that's been published since 2010, especially the overlapping generation and the skyrocketing increase of partakers. Say something like, "Honey... 1914 was 99 years ago... they obviously know something isn't right and they're going to have to change doctrine very soon. In fact, I bet you $20 they redefine the term "faithful and discreet slave" to consolidate power and detract from the partakers claiming to be newly anointed." Likely, SHE hasn't heard about the Annual Meeting fiasco. In a few months, when those changes are published, show her and remind her about what you predicted. That's worked for me a few times with friends who are still inside. I've helped 5 people FADE by "predicting" changes that I knew were coming after seeing the leaked information on this forum! Let HER make the observations on her own. If you get her on board, MOVE. Change halls, have your cards sent elsewhere and just fade. If you all decide this isn't for you and you remain where you are, I can't imagine a fade working very well. People already know where you are and will notice when your activity becomes less visible.

Summarizing:

1) in a very subtle way, feel out your wife's thoughts and feelings on JW/WBTS before making any statements

2) raise your concerns to her

3) make a "prediction" and then remind her when "new light" is made public

4) if she's persuaded, discuss the option of relocating unless you decide DA or a local fade are better options

5) have a heart-to-heart STUDY with your kids explaining why mommy and daddy are doing the unthinkable.

If she objects to your initial disclosure, back off!!! You don't want to destroy your marriage and household stability! Keep us updated, will ya?

goatshapeddemon

Mostly because it's a lost cause. 95% of them are so brainwashed they can't think for themselves and don't recognize truth if it's not found in the wt first. Hard to last long enough incognito if you're trying to take them down in earnest to find 5 in 100. You'll get busted first and then labelled as an apostate, which is worse than being a pedophile in their minds. We've sinned against the holy spirit. They've just sinned against innocent children.

leavingwt

I'm sorry that you're in that position. Many of us have been there.

raymond frantz

Dario Khel ,many thanks for the advice ,you gave food for thought

Gotshapeddemon ,here is my thought .I agree entirely about the 95% "sleeping" sheep ,nevertheless they are blaspheming against Jehovah with their doctrines and they are a danger to the public since they do not tell all the truth to new comers .What if i send an anonymous letter to the elders telling them that will expose the truth to the local community (with flyers from door to door?) about the disfellowshiping practice .You see ,they can lie to people from door to door and lie to themselves but when faced with the option of being exposed to the very people that they 're trying to witness the powers of reason will return because deep inside they know they are full of bull*** .

This way I get something accomplished .Your thoughts?

leavingwt

Raymond: 99% of the JWs you know will die as people who believe WT is God's Organization. Proceed accordingly.

nuthouse escapee

So sorry that you have to face this choice. Only you can decide what is best in your given circumstances. I guess it depends a lot on how entrenched your wife is in the religion. The above suggestions are good. The last thing you want to do is to start attacking WT. doctrine. By asking questions in a non-confrontational manner you may be able to gauge just where your wife's loyalty will rest if you reveal your feelings about the JW's. Best of luck in your journey. -Leslie-

Advise Needed : Should I stay should I go ?

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