I am writing this post in light of what Sharon Roe's said in her closing comments to the News-Register, " If you're hurting,she says,get help. If you see someone hurting, reach out. We all need help at times," she said, "It's not a weakness."
I don't often write lengthy letters, but after reading Sharon's letter, I was compelled to share a letter that I had written to an elder who took it upon himself to say that I was NOT repentant and this led to my expulsion. When I learned of this decision, he didn't have the moxie to tell it to my face but rather he made a slip of the tongue during my last elders meeting with him. I was expelled for not attending meetings! The first of it's kind.
I will let YOU decide the circumstance. Be warned that it's somewhat lengthy. Count how many times I used the word 'help,' then understand Sharon Roe's request. Don't talk about helping people, DO IT!
Date letter written February 26, 1997
Dear Ed,
Let me say at the outset that this letter has nothing to do with the decision, yours and the elders, to disfellowship me. There is no malice, bitterness, ill-will or sour grapes on my part towards you. This is a PERSONAL letter to you and what I am about to express is sheer observation about you. Hopefully, you will give it some serious thought and not take it negatively.
In short, this letter deals with my 'cries for HELP' and how you failed to provide that needed HELP. I was not asking you to SOLVE my childhood problems but rather to HELP me deal with, and eventually, to solve my own problems. I was seeking HELP, guidance, encouragement aid in some fashion - be it by understanding or even referring me to someone who has a similiar childhood trauma. One does not need to be a psychologist or a psychiatrist to 'listen' and recognize the cries for HELP any more than a blind person must see the individual who screams for HELP!
You cannot begin to imagine the mental anguish, torture, inner turmoil, conflicts and confusion that an abused child/person must endure. Ignoring or shutting your eyes and ears to the cries of the afflicted only adds to the problem. Every person on this earth has and will suffer some form of abuse but it is the type, the degree and the duration that is germaine.
As painful and difficult as it was, I opened myself up to you about my childhood experience and, deepest and darkest closely guarded secret of all, the pedophile who abused me. (Not a witness) You are the only male person to whom I have ever revealed that. (My wife was informed just recently) It is obvious to me now, that even though I repeatedly brought to your attention the symptoms of my problem, you were not truly interested in knowing the effects they had on me.
On two occasions, you asked me HOW I can be HELPED and twice I gave you the same answer. I asked that an elder visit me on a regular basis to consider articles from the magazines and/or do some Bible reading. Through this I hoped that the 'healing process' could begin. However, this request was never pursued by you. In fact, I remember telling you in one of your phone conversations that I would like to make a gradual come-back to the meetings, the transition as the healing progressed. James 5:13-15.
I have to tell you that I am puzzled by the change in your attitude from the first meeting in the golf school to the subsequent meetings.
A case in point is when you said to me over the telephone that I 'disfellowshipped myself.' Did I not say to you that yes, my conduct warrants disfellowshipping but this time, I don't want to be? How many times did I bring this to your attention? How can I disfellowship myself when I don't want to be? Why would I have, also, requested a review of your decision? I wanted and needed HELP! My pleas for HELP went unheeded and remember, it was I who contacted you. This type of treatment brings to mind two scriptural accounts. James 2:15, 16 and Matt. 7:9-11.
A literal shepard gives heed to the distressed baas of his sheep and attends to them. A true shepherd knows his sheep. Whenever a sheep strays from the fold and suffers injury, that shepherd doesn't cast that sheep aside nor does he say, "Well, you brought about your own troubles and now that you've made your own bed, sleep in it." Instead of the shepherd rescuing me and attending to my wounds, he clubbed me with his staff! Prov.20:5
It is also interesting to note that none of the elders mentioned anything about my remorse or the attitude that I unhypocritically expressed to you. Neither did anyone ask about my feelings and remorse about my conduct, especially to Jehovah. I have sinned against Jehovah not the elders. I am not a catholic who needs forgiveness from his priest. It is Jehovah's forgiveness that matters to me.
Jehovah loves a cheerful giver, 2Cor.9:7. Jehovah wants whole-souled worshipers, Matt. 22;37, Col. 3;23. Paul admonishes us to keep testing whether we are in the faith and keep proving what we ourselves are. 2Cor. 13:5 The lukewarm will be spit out. Rev. 3"16.
You had a golden opportunity to get an insight into abused people. It is rare that an abused person will come forward because they do not trust people. People do not understand them. Never make a quick assessment of an abused person as most of the time, you will be wrong about them. I allowed myself to be expressive because I needed HELP and I hoped and prayed that someone would listen and understand. I was ever so wrong. All you did was shut the door in my face.
I have taken a lot of abuse in my time with no help from anyone. Struggling alone is frustrating and terrifying. I pity those of the congregation who cannot get the needed HELP from you. If you cannot give HELP and care in a big problem, it means that you cannot give HELP to those with small problems. Reflecting back on the past events, I find that I am sorry that I came to you for HELP. To a person needing HELP, you would not be a sight for sore eyes.
Please read over "REPENTANCE" carefully. No matter what you think of me, all I care about is what and how Jehovah thinks of me. It is to him that I have an accounting, not to you. Maybe the saying is true after all - God helps those who help themselves.
It's sad to hear from friends in the truth (not locally) who feel that they cannot trust their elders or be HELPED by them. Oftentimes, the discontent, discord and lack of warmth in a congregation is a reflection of the elders lack of care. The sheep belong to Jehovah, not to mortal men. Emphasis is to be placed on Jehovah's qualities and not on the talents of the men in the congregation.
When a person commits a wrong and goes to Jehovah to set matters right and asks for forgiveness, it is a personal matter between Jehovah and that person. No man can rightly decide if that person is repentant and certainly not by outward appearance. Jah sees the 'inner-person.' I am not seeking justification for my conduct but rather to bring to your attention a deep rooted problem which you failed to address because you didn't know how to handle it. The world has a solution to problems they cannot handle - they get rid of it. Something they do not understand, they kill.
Let me say in conclusion, since you failed to HELP me, please make it your aim that in the future, you truly HELP others that cry out for your HELP. Look past the symptoms and look for the cause. Be a shepherd not in name only. Prov. 4:7, Jer.9:23,24, Luke 10:33
Remember, it was I who came to you.
With all due respect,
Guest 77
There are many other letters written to the branch office and to the GB. How many letters did I receive from both offices? ONE! It was only three short sentences!