by Nicolas 21 Replies latest jw experiences
This might appear as a stupid question but I still find it hard to find my real personality. Often, I try to appear as someone else and the result is that I am shy because I have the fear of the judgement of the other people. How did you redefined yourself when you got out of the org?
We become more attuned to the human condition when we recognize that God is not going to fix our problems.
Actually this is a very good question, one that most people don't bother to ask or won't explicitly state because it sounds corny.
The most reasonable answer I've been able to arrive at is that our personality constantly change, as does this whole concept of "I". But I'm okay with that. People can hang on to what's familiar, but sooner or later you'll probably run into some kind of conflict if that's the case.
But more to the point, I think it's a matter of allowing yourself to be who you are before the JW conditioning rather than redefining. Even for those who were raised as witnesses it is possible, I think it's just a matter of seeing our human nature.
Nic
It's not a stupid question at all. In the wt, we learn to deny our true selves for fear that it might not measure up to wt. We learn to stop natural thinking processes that could bring us into conflict with wt dogma. These actions lead to a condition that psychiatrists call codependence.
Peeling off outside influences from the wt and popular media to get back to our true self can take yrs. Reducing or cutting out some outside influences entirely is sometimes nessesary. Outside noises drown out our own quiet inner voice. Contrary to wt doctrine, solitude can be good. An eastern meditation method helps a lot. Also, check out if you are still codependent. There are therapy groups for codependents in various canadian cities.
Hang in there.
SS
I'm still trying to figure out who I am also. Its like you have no personality at all right? I'm the same. I dont know if anyone can really answer except to say it will take time. It'll just happen over time.
I asked this exact question a couple months ago here and one of the posters FreePeace gave me this link. http://www.geocities.com/freepeace2000/whoami.htm its an interesting article. I hope you enjoy it.
flower
Flower another way to look at it is that the personality of someone who has "found themselves" is simply very open with a sense of ease, not rigid to the point where you can literally see the veins bulging from their necks. Someone like that is simply refreshing to be around.
I think "finding yourself" is a matter of learning what you want in life, what your values are, what you like and dislike about yourself, and how you are going to go about getting what you need and want from life.
Once you've sorted those things out, everything else fits into place.
I know this sounds simplistic, but once you've worked out who you are and what you want, life does become alot easier. Sure there are bumps along the road, but if you keep your perspective, it's easier to dust yourself off and get on with life.
The most frsutrating things is that some people had an easy life since they were born. Why did I have to live in an organization like that when a lot of people were just enjoying the life at my age?
We become more attuned to the human condition when we recognize that God is not going to fix our problems.
Nicolas:
The most frsutrating things is that some people had an easy life since they were born. Why did I have to live in an organization like that when a lot of people were just enjoying the life at my age?
Your life isn't as messed up as it feels right now. I'm going to cut and paste your words, and make a few changes to give you an example, ok??
The most frsutrating things is that some people had an easy life since they were born. Why did I have to live in Afghanistan when a lot of people were just enjoying the life in Canada at my age?
You're in a position right now where you're still young and have your whole life ahead of you. Compared to your parents, who have lost so many opportunities from being JWs, you aren't doing too badly. You can get as much education as you want, you can work where you want, you can save for your retirement. You don't have to find a wife or girlfriend "in the Truth". You can even have sex before you get married, with more than one person if you want. You don't have to limit your friendships just to people "in good standing in the congregation." You don't have to tolerate hypocrisy and falsehood anymore. You can make choices now that you never would have had as a JW.
Being a free moral agent means that you have the opportunity to develop your own sense of values. Your personality is something that is constantly evolving, and always will if you allow it. You'll have a "core" personality that will remain fairly stable and constant, but you'll be able to explore things and ideas that you never would have been able to if you had stayed with the JWs.
When I realized that for myself, it was like I was a kid in Toys R Us with permission to max out someone else's credit cards!! Anything and everything became a possibility.
You're going to be ok! You've been given the gift of freedom from the WTS; your brain is now your own again!!
Love, Scully
The most frsutrating things is that some people had an easy life since they were born. Why did I have to live in an organization like that when a lot of people were just enjoying the life at my age?
None of that will matter once you realize that it's only things that have happend to you, not who you are.
You are yourself!
We dont have to be any "certain way"
We just have to be.
If people dont accept how you are then thats their problem.
Believe it or not, I used to be very humble, quiet and submissive.
When I found out that my family and I had been manipulated by the Org. I completely changed. My sister even says " You used to be so quiet, what happend?"
I guess lessons in life can make or break you.
I'de rather take it than leave it. (Life, that is)
