today something happened that hurt me more than the jwks, more than the shunning, more than my sexual molestation, more than my hellish years at caxton and more than the year i've just had.
the moment i was told this, i felt like my insides had been ripped, torn, shredded and my heart squeezed of it's very life. i put my head in my hands and for the first time in my life let out a primal gut wrenching wail.
my father had asked my gran why she has been treating me the way she has (which hasn't been very nice). he though it strange considering how in the past i have helped her and given her so much. she looked at him and uttered the following (this is a shortened version) "you don't know louise, when brian was sick with cancer, she invited her friends around. while he was watching t.v she changed the chanel and when he moaned proceeded to swear at him in the most vile language. she is digusting and i was there. that is why brian didn't put her in his will."
for a year and a half i attended to my uncle. i cleaned tumours, bathed him, fed him, cleaned and emptied out cathetas, stoma bags, cooked for him, medicated him, sat many hours at the hospital without sleep. whatever he needed i did it. i loved him. sure we had disagreements, sure there were times i had to be firm with him. never ever have i spoken to him in such a manner. this story was passed onto my aunt (brian's sister) and my 2 cousins overseas. when i asked why she would tell such a horrid lie she told me i was the liar and i did all those nasty things to my uncle in front of her.
i have lived my life honestly. the one person i did have a hellish fight with was my grandfather, i never hid from it, i never sugar coated what i said and i was honest with my entire family about it. they know i've done experimental drugs when i was younger. i have absolutely nothing to hide from anyone.
i don't know why my grand mother would want to say something so false, so vindictive, so utterly malicious! i've asked that question so many times today. i don't understand why she wants to hurt me like this.
it hurt so much. it still hurts, even though i know the truth.
i'm sharing this for pure sharing sake. i have never in my life felt so betrayed, so hurt.